Guess Who's Coming to Dinner?
By Clark L. and Kathryn H. Kidd

In the quest to forge ward members together into one majestic, celestial sculpture, activities committee chairmen are often desperate enough to try anything ― including dinner groups.  An activities committee has to be either desperate or optimistic (or both!) to try dinner groups in a ward setting, because so many of them are doomed to fail.   But they can also be very successful in increasing ward unity if they are done correctly.

For those people in far flung areas who may never have heard of dinner groups, here's the concept.  Ward members who express interest in dinner groups are divided into small ― well, groups, which meet on a regular basis for ― well, dinner.  Hence the name "dinner groups."  It sounds simple, and it sounds fun.  Any social person who likes to eat should be crazy about the concept

Unfortunately, what sounds so good to ward members on paper quite often falls victim to human frailties.  There isn't just one reason dinner groups fail; there's a whole handful of them.

Time conflicts alone have done in many ward dinner groups.  When you planned to meet every third Saturday for dinner groups, you didn't count on little Billy's parents having to take him to band practice every Saturday evening, or little Sally's soccer career taking every moment of every Saturday of her whole family's life so that the only thing Sally's parents want to do when dinner group night comes around is sleep.  You're free on the night you were scheduled to host a dinner.  What's wrong with everyone else?

Poor organization is often a culprit, too.  If the organizer divides people into groups and tells the group to get together any night during the month and have a dinner night, the night that is chosen is usually no night at all.  If there isn't a specific night set aside where all the ward's dinner groups will meet every month (or every quarter), inertia usually sets in and before you know it the month is over and the opportunity is lost.  People don't mean to be irresponsible, but there are a lot of things vying for their attention.  If they aren't given enough structure, it's just too much work to create the structure and then host a party.

The saddest reason why ward dinner groups often fail is that ward members are human, and some humans are cliquish.  People may say they want to meet new people, but some of them only want to meet the right people.  (Who the "right" people are is open to interpretation.)  If they find themselves assigned to eat dinner with people who don't meet their rigorous social standards, they'll beg off for a month until new groups get assigned.  Soon enough, the whole program has fallen apart.

We once experienced a horror story first-hand in a ward where we lived.  Dinner groups were announced, and we signed up.  Kathy was editor of the ward bulletin at the time, and she was so excited about the dinner groups that she announced the groups enthusiastically in every week's bulletin.  In fact, it may have been Kathy's diligence in announcing the groups that was the cause of the plot's eventual undoing.

It was only later we learned that even as Kathy was cheerfully recruiting people to join the groups through her weekly announcements, people who tried to sign up and who weren't on the social A-list were regretfully told that the lists were full and that they were out of luck.  The next week there would be another announcement in the ward bulletin, telling people there was still time to sign up for dinner groups.  Eventually people caught on that something was fishy and complained to the bishop, who did a little detective work and learned the dismal truth.  As soon as he discovered what was going on, the dinner group concept (in Book of Mormon terms) "suffered an ignominious death." 

But ward dinner groups don't have to go down in flames.  Some of them are actually successful.  When they're done right, they can greatly increase ward unity ― which is the purpose of having these events in the first place.  If you like the idea of a successful dinner group even more than you like the idea of an ignominiously dead one, here are some suggestions from people whose dinner groups have taken wing.

A Dinner Group Primer from People in the Know

Because people seem to like lists, here is a list of things you should do when setting up your dinner groups:

·         Decide how often you are going to hold dinner groups. You don't want to have them too often, but you don't want to have them so seldom that people forget they exist.  Most successful dinner groups are held monthly or every other month.

·         Determine any other rules that should govern your groups.  For example, most dinner groups are for adults only, although you may want to have an exception in the summer and have a family barbecue dinner group one month.  Another rule would determine how often each group meets before the groups are realigned.

·         Create a sign-up sheet for those interested in dinner groups, being sure to make a space for people to indicate whether they're willing to serve as hosts.  Be sure to indicate how often the groups will meet and what days they will meet (if those days are already determined).  Also use the sign-up sheet to explain any group rules. 

·         Now it's time to set up the groups, using the names obtained from your sign-up list.  If you're having the dinner groups in people's homes, make sure the groups are no larger than about four couples ― including the host couple.  (And don't forget making provisions for ward members who don't have a spousal unit!)  Most homes aren't large enough to accommodate large groups for a sit-down meal.  Try to use a little inspiration when setting up groups, so as to put potential friends in the same group, rather than people who are already friends with one another.  After all, one of the purposes of dinner groups is to help people make new friends from ward members. 

·         Once the groups are assigned, the hosts should coordinate the evening with other group members.  Usually the host provides the entrée, and coordinates with the other couples to determine who will bring the salad, a vegetable, and the dessert.

·         After the groups have met on the assigned day or weekend, ask for feedback to determine what went wrong ― and what went right.

Other Helpful Hints

Although the basic dinner group format is pretty standard, there are ways you can spice up the event to make it more exciting.  For example, you could assign a theme every month.  One month the theme could be a luau.  Another dinner group could focus on a specific cuisine.  One month the entrées could be cooked by the group as a whole, using cooking as part of the entertainment.  Or you could have a progressive dinner or a murder mystery party or games after dinner or a picnic or some other event to make the evening stand out.

Although most dinner groups are held in people's homes, some dinner groups meet at selected restaurants.  People in the group can choose personal favorites, or you can go with a different international cuisine every month. If you're not excited about organization, you can choose the restaurant, make a reservation, and have people sign up to attend that particular meal.

The only caution in having dinner groups meet at restaurants is that you should take precautions so that people who want to participate aren't shut out because they can't afford to do so.

You may want to enlist ward youth to sign up to offer free babysitting to families who want to attend dinner groups but who can't afford dinners.  Kristy Merrill, an activities committee chairman in Texas, sends out flyers to the youth with this wording:

Perhaps if you get a regular babysitting group, you can host a dinner for them at the end of the year to thank them for their services.

Another activities chairman, Fran Curtis, organized dinner groups without even telling people that was what she had done.  Fran wrote:

Shauna Tremblay recalled an unusual twist that was done in her ward.  It was called, "Guess Who's Coming to Dinner?"  She wrote:

You can see from these suggestions that the dinner group concept doesn't have to be a one size fits all program.  Feel free to use your creativity to make dinner groups worth attending in your ward, and the entire ward community will benefit from your efforts.