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Be Ye Therefore
Perfect..."—Handling Obsession with Perfection, Part 2
by
W. Jeffrey Marsh
NOTE:
Be sure to catch Part 1
in this series.
In the first
installment of this article, I discussed in a very broad and general
way, the topic of dealing with the doctrine of perfection. The commandment
to become perfect, even as God is perfect, is real. That thought
alone can be overwhelming. Fortunately, our Heavenly Father does
not expect us to get to that point overnight. Nevertheless, we need
to remember that our mortal probation is not a dress rehearsal.
This is the time to prove and prepare ourselves to the best of our
ability.
To those who
wrestle with feelings of forever being inadequate, or who are diligently,
and over-conscientiously striving for perfection, I would offer
twelve gentle reminders and suggestions. The first six of these
are given below. The final six will be given in the next installment
of this column.
The list is
not comprehensive - it's not "perfect"! - but the principles taught
have helped me. I hope you find them useful as well.
1. Remember,
it's ok to have a bad day once in a while.
Feelings of
being overwhelmed, especially as members of the Church, are perfectly
normal.
Elder Boyd K.
Packer has taught:
We live in
a day when the adversary stresses on every hand the philosophy
of instant gratification. We seem to demand instant everything,
including instant solutions to our problems. We are indoctrinated
that somehow we should always be instantly emotionally comfortable.
When that is not so, some become quite anxious - and all too frequently
seek relief from counseling, from analysis, and even from medication.
It was meant
to be that life would be a challenge. To suffer some anxiety,
some depression, some disappointment, even some failure is normal.
Teach our members that if they have a miserable day once in a
while, or several in a row, to stand steady and face them. Things
will straighten out. There is great purpose in our struggle in
life. (That All May Be Edified, p. 94.)
We all face
a variety of challenges. All of us are tested.
Elder Boyd K.
Packer noted:
Some are
tested by poor health, some by a body that is deformed or homely.
Others are tested by handsome and healthy bodies; some by the
passion of youth; others by the erosions of old age. Some suffer
disappointment in marriage, family problems, others live in poverty
and obscurity. Some (perhaps this is the hardest test) find ease
and luxury. All are part of the test. And there is more equality
in this testing than sometimes we suspect. (Ensign, November 1980,
p. 21.)
President Gordon
B. Hinckley commented:
I have enjoyed
these words of Jenkins Lloyd Jones, which I clipped from the newspaper
some years ago. Said he:.... "Anyone who imagines that bliss is
normal is going to waste a lot of time running around shouting
that he has been robbed.
"Most putts
don't drop. Most beef is tough. Most children grow up to be just
people. Most successful marriages require a high degree of mutual
toleration.
Most jobs
are more often dull than otherwise.... "Life is like an old-time
rail journey - delays, sidetracks, smoke, dust, cinders and jolts,
interspersed only occasionally by beautiful vistas and thrilling
bursts of speed.
"The trick
is to thank the Lord for letting you have the ride.'"
("Big Rock
Candy Mountains," Deseret News, 12 June 1973, A4; as cited in
Ensign, March 1997, p. 60.)
2. Feelings
of inadequacy are a normal part of life.
There is simply
no way the Church "can honestly describe where we must go and what
we must yet do without creating a sense of immense distance," Elder
Neal A. Maxwell once observed. He counseled: "....I speak....to
those buffeted by false insecurity, who, though laboring devotedly
in the Kingdom, have recurring feelings of falling forever short....
"The first thing
to be said of this feeling of inadequacy is that it is normal....Following
celestial road signs while in telestial traffic jams is not easy,
especially when we are not just moving next door--or even across
town." ("Notwithstanding My Weaknesses," Ensign, Nov. 1976, p. 12.)
Perhaps we wouldn't
feel so inadequate if God had only said, "Go for the bronze," aim
for the telestial world and don't worry about it! But He didn't.
He knows our potential. He doesn't give up on us as quickly as we
give up on ourselves. He is filled with mercy.
3. Living Gospel
principles is like walking a tight-rope with a balance-beam in hand.
If we under-do
principles we could fall (that is, if we are too lax, too loose
with things that really matter most, we'll come up short). If we
over-do principles, we become manipulative, critical and coercive
of others (that is, if we wear our halos too tight, instead of our
spirituality being dignified and an edifying experience, it becomes
awkward and even offensive.
I had a student
in class years ago at a university, who felt that to be spiritual
he had to live all the mission rules after he got home. He couldn't
distinguish between "mission rules" - temporary guidelines to protect
the missionaries - and "gospel principles" which are eternal. Among
other things, he wore a suit every day, because that's what he had
done in the mission field. His misunderstanding of what it meant
to be spiritual led to a holier-than-thou attitude that offended
and ostracized others.
Elder Dallin
H. Oaks once gave an example of how even good desires, if taken
to extremes, can have negative spiritual consequences:
...Weakness
is not our only vulnerability. Satan can also attack us where
we think we are strong-in the very areas where we are proud of
our strengths. He will approach us through the greatest talents
and spiritual gifts we possess. If we are not wary, Satan can
cause our spiritual downfall by corrupting us through our strengths
as well as by exploiting our weaknesses.
....A related
strength that can be corrupted to our downfall is a desire to
excel in a Church calling. I remember a graduate student who used
his Church service as a means of escape from the rigors of his
studies. He went beyond what we call Church-service time and became
almost a full-time Church-service worker. He consistently volunteered
for every extra assignment, giving help that was greatly appreciated
in the various organizations and activities of the Church. As
a result of this inordinate allocation of time, he failed in his
studies and then mistakenly blamed his failure on the excessive
burden of Church service. His strength became his downfall.
Similarly,
I remember the concerns President Harold B. Lee expressed to me
when I was president of BYU. Shortly before the Provo Temple was
dedicated, he told me of his concern that the accessibility of
the temple would cause some BYU students to attend the temple
so often that they would neglect their studies. He urged me to
work with the BYU stake presidents to make sure the students understood
that even something as sacred and important as temple service
needed to be done in wisdom and order so that students would not
neglect the studies that should be the major focus of their time
during their student years." ("Our Strengths Can Become Our Downfall"
BYU Fireside, 7 June 1992. Printed in BYU Today Magazine, November
1992.)
4. The Lord
doesn't expect us to overextend ourselves, but to be diligent.
When King Benjamin
taught his people about serving those who stood in need, he cautioned:
"And see that all these things are done in wisdom and order; for
it is not requisite that a man should run faster than he has strength.
And again, it is expedient that he should be diligent, that thereby
he might win the prize; [but] all things must be done in order."
(Mosiah 4:27).
To Joseph Smith
and Oliver Cowdrey, while they were struggling to translate the
Book of Mormon, the Lord said, "Do not run faster or labor more
than you have strength and means provided to enable you to translate;
but be diligent unto the end." (D&C 10:4.)
The "wisdom
and order" and "strength and means" tests can save us a lot of unnecessary
guilt.
Elder Neal A.
Maxwell has said:
Our perfect
Father does not expect us to be perfect children yet. He had only
one such Child. Meanwhile, therefore, sometimes with smudges on
our cheeks, dirt on our hands, and shoes untied, stammeringly
but smilingly we present God with a dandelion--as if it were an
orchid or a rose! If for now the dandelion is the best we have
to offer, He receives it, knowing what we may later place on the
altar. It is good to remember how young we are spiritually. (That
Ye May Believe, p. 100.)
Endurance
is more than pacing up and down within the cell of our circumstance;
it is not only acceptance of the things allotted to us, but to
'act for ourselves' by magnifying what is allotted to us." (Ensign,
May 1990, 33.)
5. Be careful
about trying to measure your spirituality by external indicators.
Remember the
mountain climbing experience - as long as you look up, the top looks
so far away. We should turn around once in a while and look at how
far we have come!
Although you
will probably never be able to effectively measure your progress
in regards to spiritual things, and even though we are imperfect,
"an improving person can actually know that the course of his life
is generally acceptable to the Lord despite there being much distance
yet to be covered." (Elder Neal A. Maxwell, Men and Women, p. 23.)
Your family
and close friends will notice the difference in your spirituality,
long before you will appreciably see it. Parents often notice the
growth of their children in the mission field. A father once described
how his son in the mission field described his desire to become
a better person, and was trying to the best of his ability to do
so. He didn't feel like he had made any progress. His father was
surprised. The growth he and his wife noticed in the letters their
son sent home was tremendous. The Elder just couldn't see it. But
his parents could.
6. The Lord
accepts and respects our individual efforts, as much as he does
the end results.
Oliver Granger
was a sheriff in New York who joined the Church. He traveled to
Kirtland and, unfortunately, lost most of his eyesight during a
terrible ice-storm. When the Saints were driven from Kirtland, he
was called to stay behind to try to dispose of Church property and
free the Saints from debt. He died in Kirtland, a few months afterward,
never able to rejoin the Saints. Of him the Lord said: "Behold,
verily I say unto you, that his name shall be had in sacred remembrance
from generation to generation forever and ever, saith the Lord,.....and
when he falls, he shall rise again, for his sacrifice shall be more
sacred to me than his increase." (D&C 117:12-13.)
Often, our "sacrifices"
(our efforts to do good, and the desires of our heart), are more
sacred to the Lord than the results. Prayers we say, however imperfect,
are sacred to God. Home evenings held, however much a disaster,
count in the eyes of God. Your efforts and desires to be good, and
to do good, never go unnoticed by our Eternal Father.
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