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By
James W. Petty, AG®, CGSM
When I look back upon my
life, and the impact my father has had on who I am and
how everything in the world is to me, my thoughts drift
to a defining moment in my life. Shirts. Yes, that’s
right. Shirts.
As a child, I always felt
I had everything. I had plenty of toys, and books, and
sports equipment. As a budding artist I had pencils
and crayons, and stacks of paper to work with. And I
had sufficient clothes to be presentable at school,
at work, at play, and in Church.
As I grew into a young
man, the clothes grew with me. But then an interesting
thing happened. At some point I found myself “borrowing”
my father’s shirts. I was advised on how to hang
the shirts; how the collar was folded; and how to keep
the shirts neat in Dad’s closet.
Then one day, the collars
were too small, and the sleeves became too short. I
no longer had an endless supply of clothing. I didn’t
understand it — until one day, many years later,
I did.
Looking Up to Me
My father was someone I
had always looked up to, both physically and emotionally.
But now, physically, he was looking up to me. That had
an impact on me, because if he was looking up to me,
in my mind, it meant he was also expecting big things
of me. It applied to my work, to my education, to my
Church service, and to my relationships. This is a concept
I have kept in my heart through out my adult life. If
my Father is looking up to me, he is expecting big things
of me.
Several months ago, my
wife and I had the opportunity of listening to a talk
by the author of The Seven Habits of Highly Effective
People, Stephen R. Covey, in which he outlined
his concept of “First Things First: To Live, To
Love, To Learn, To Leave A Legacy.” Stephen R.
Covey is an amazing writer and speaker, and this presentation
turned a light on in our minds.
My parents are in their
eighties, and are experiencing the difficulties of growing
older. They manage well in their quiet existence, but
our family has seen our father begin to fret about his
life and worry to the point of discouragement, as he
has struggled to accomplish important goals.
He is such an amazing man,
and as a much-beloved physician, he has had the opportunity
of touching and improving the lives of countless numbers
of people. It hurt us to see him punishing himself over
his perceived weaknesses. But when we listened to Brother
Covey’s ideas about the importance of leaving
a legacy, we both felt the rush of inspiration. Our
parents needed to know what a wonderful legacy they
have provided to others.
Preserving a Legacy
We proceeded to contact
my brother and three sisters with the idea of preparing
a family legacy book as a Christmas Gift to our parents.
We encouraged them and their families to “share
with Mom and Dad, G’Pa and G’Ma, what they
have given us all: It’s a wonderful life we have
because of them. Because they have lived, and loved,
and learned, they have left a legacy for us all.”
This was to be a volume containing the written thoughts,
feelings, and memories of each member of our family,
from the oldest child down to the youngest grandchild,
regarding the topic “Mom and Dad’s Legacy
to their Family.”
Over the space of the next
several months, members of the family composed stories
and remembrances of their lives and experiences with
our parents and grandparents. They gathered favorite
pictures, and the youngsters prepared drawings and outlined
their hands and fingers for posterity’s sake.
It was a process that took much longer than the expected
few short weeks of the holiday season.
When the book was finally
completed and compiled, we selected a special night
when we could bring in dinner — Valentine’s
Day. After a pleasant evening of good food and conversation
we presented the binder to them; and then sat with them
and read all of the selections, beginning with “Shirts.”
It was a very moving experience to share these testimonies,
and see our parents through the eyes of other members
of the family.
Several of the children
remembered “Mr. Carrots,” a patient of my
father’s who brought fresh carrots from his farm
as a token of his appreciation. We also remembered going
out at night with Dad when he would make visits to the
homes of patients who were unable to come to his office.
Grandchildren wrote of
their love for the man who had shared his love of the
scriptures with them and changed lives. As we read,
we were reminded of his dedicated service to his family,
his profession, his community and his God.
Mom was equally remembered
for giant gingerbread cookies that made her a real hit
at our school and among our friends. Our children drew
pictures of her love for them and wrote of the ever-present
special “pink milk” always found in her
fridge. She was also wonderfully talented in arts and
crafts, and shared her skills with dozens of homemaking
classes. And like Dad, she too, lovingly served us and
our neighbors and those they met as they traveled the
world in their later years while serving professionally
and as missionaries.
A New Outlook
The evening was a complete
success, and our parents were in tears as we left. A
few weeks later, my father phoned, and told me that
he and Mom had been reading the book each day. Mom couldn’t
remember the stories from one day to another, and each
reading brought fresh tears of joy to her. He stated
that this had given him a new outlook on what he had
accomplished in his life. With tears in his voice he
thanked me again and again for what we had done.
What had we done? Not a
great deal. We hadn’t spent dollars and we hadn’t
accomplished great feats, but the hearts of the children
were turned to their fathers, and we had expressed our
love to our parents in a powerful way.
Stephen Covey has said:
