The past few weeks have brought several new guys in to my little world. (I'd venture to say too many guys, but really, that would be a lie. You can never have too many guys.)

So I've been thinking about something I call "Good on Paper Guys." These are the guys that if you were to pick a boyfriend solely based on his dating résumé would make it to your short stack and called in for an interview. I've met several of these guys recently, and I'm not complaining (much). They look great on paper, and read like a good book.  But then you meet them and they break down into multiple categories from there. Some continue to be great, some let you know that they believe themselves to be great on paper, and others remind you that anyone can pad a résumé. Which is why the interview is so important, right? (And why we don't allow our mothers to arrange our marriages.)

Too Good on Paper= Too Good for Himself

One particular new friend really qualifies as good on paper.  He has a good job, interesting career, nice home, nice car, disposable income, he's talented, smart, interesting, funny, etc. And his photo is worth keeping under your pillow. And I can tell you from firsthand experience, he passes the interview. So what is the problem?  He knows he is good on paper, therefore, loses points for cockiness, and for his complete, total, horrifying inability to commit.

Too In Demand

Then there is guy #2, equally qualified as the previous candidate. He seems to know his résumé will get passed around, but isn't pompous about it. Instead he earns 3-pointers for his humility. The problem with him? Every girl in town wants to interview him. To his credit, he appears to be willing to interview everywhere. But the waiting time to get in with him is just so long that you have to wonder if he's worth the wait.

Too Just Not for Me

I've met a few guys that come highly recommended and look decent on paper, but don't jump out at you. I've had some fun with these guys lately and made some new friends this way, but the truth of it still stands. They aren't the candidate I was looking for. But then there are "Good on Paper Guys" who interview horribly. You think they are going to be perfect. You get your hopes up. You are ready to make a very high starting offer, but then... No! They either don't show up for the interview, reject the request for the interview, or just plain bomb the interview. Sometimes you are still even willing to give them a second chance. True chemistry can take time and practice.

But no matter what you do you can't get past it. And it is so frustrating, because they were so well qualified on paper. Your heart is broken over something that doesn't really exist. And you have to throw the résumé away, and look at the other candidates, which is next to impossible because their credentials just don't add up! Part of you knows that you just have to forget they existed, burn the résumé, hit the delete key, erase your memory, and move on. Give the other candidates their fair chance. But part of you knows that your heart can't really ever forget anything. Can it? No matter how good or bad the other candidates look on paper...

Readers' Responses

In our last column we asked you if you would break up with someone based solely on how well you thought he or she kissed?  We had a hunch that you might send us in some fun responses.  Thanks for not disappointing us!

Deborah in Utah had the following to share.  "The topic of kissing...Ooh la la...  Attraction, flirting, dating and then the big kissssss. Thoughts of sensuality and tingling all over run through your brain - and then the kiss leaves you high and dry, feeling like you just kissed your grandmother.  Yuck.

"This experience was common among men I dated years ago. Sometimes the kiss was so good that you couldn't stop feeling their lips against yours for days.  The lingering and the yearning were intense even though sometimes the guy was the wrong guy.  When my prince charming did come along, the kiss was a grandma kiss and left me wanting more.  Positive communication is the best, best way to achieve your goal.

"If the man is wonderful and everything you have been looking for its well worth being open and honest.   Kissing and lovemaking are arts to be discovered between two people. It is ongoing, and is a beautiful process that can keep love and marriage growing and alive.  Positive and thoughtful communication between two people is the only way to achieve oneness.  No holding back ladies and gentlemen.  The only way to get around those issues is through positive communication.  Tell each other what you like and don't like.  We can't read each other's minds, but we can lovingly express our needs, wants and desires to each other."

So we have one vote for open, positive communication, and not giving up on a bad kisser.  Let's see what the next response has to say.

From Grant, "How childish and shallow those elders are to judge and rate girls on how well they kiss.  Maybe she (or he as the case may be) hasn't had a lot of practice.  A kiss is like a cookie.  They can be hard, flaky, fall apart to your touch, or soft and delicious.  They all have the same ingredients.  The difference is in the baking and baking correctly takes practice.  What makes a relationship so neat is the time spent baking cookies together to come up with the kind you both like.  I'm 59 years old and been married for over half of those and would dare say our "cookies" are excellent, a lot better than they were when we started baking together."

Um, please wait a moment, while we go take care of the craving for a hot chocolate chip cookie...

And from Marcie, "Would I break up with someone if I didn't enjoy their kisses? I would have to ask myself if he was teachable and open to the idea of changing the way he kissed and would I actually have the nerve to try and teach him how to kiss me???

Let's say I did have the nerve, he was teachable, and this really great guy turned into a really great kisser. That would be the Cinderella ending. We don't often get those. What we more than often get if we actually got up our nerve to say something, would be a man who has kissed that way his whole life, all his other girlfriends never complained, hurt feelings, embarrassment, a bad breakup and more grist for the rumor mill in the church halls.  

Kissing is not about physical intimacy. Remember Julia Roberts in Pretty Woman? We are not prostitutes I know, but for her 19 years, she was very wise. She set down the ground rules for Richard Gere - "no kissing on the lips." And why? Because she did not want to get emotionally involved, which is the deepest kind of intimacy. Sex is just sex if there is no kissing. Sex with kissing is making love."

Excellent point! 

This week we leave you with two great quotes on relationships from two great friends.