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A
Fisheye View of the Dating Scene
By Juli Hiatt Caldwell and Erin Ann McBride,
experts at the female language
What
She Saw
Annie
(real name changed so she doesn’t get mocked too much) watched
Kirk as he walked down the hallway. He didn’t make eye contact
with her and quickly hurried on by. She tried not to dwell on
it, but she could have sworn he intentionally averted his eyes.
“Why?
Why would he do that? What was wrong?” she thought very loudly
to herself. He sure seemed willing to flirt with her last week.
Did he not like her anymore? Had she done something wrong? What
was it? Why wasn’t he talking to her? She kept on her most professional
aloof face and walked on past, pretending she hadn’t noticed him
either, but still added something more to her feminine gait —
just to make him miss what he never had.
Walking
just a few feet behind Annie was Zach. He couldn’t help but notice
her jaunty little walk, and how dolled up she had been over the
past few weeks. Out of nowhere she had suddenly stood out on
the scene. And even though as a guy he couldn’t define it, she
was even more charming. Not having a clue why, but not being
the kind of guy to pass up a chance when a woman makes herself
available to the world, Zach took a few quick steps to catch up
with her.
Annie
was still deeply engrossed in her obsessive thoughts over Kirk.
“I can’t believe I bought new shoes for this outfit. What a waste.
How could he have not even complimented how cute her outfit was?
I mean, honestly, I wore navy blue because it is his favorite
color! He could at least have the decency to say something to
me!”
“Hey,
Annie,” Zach greeted her innocently, walking cluelessly into the
Venus flytrap of female wardrobe insecurity.
“Do
you like my shoes?” she demanded, assuming he knew a polite greeting
was implied when she needed some positive reinforcement on her
current clothing trauma.
Knowing
you should always agree with a woman about her shoes, Zach nodded.
“Yeah, they are nice,” he said, having no idea why it mattered,
but just glad that he the right answer to the question. And
he was right — at that moment, it mattered to her. “How was your
weekend?” he asked casually.
Happy
for the attention and hoping that Kirk was still within earshot,
she used her brightest and most cheerful tone. “I had a great
weekend. Tons of fun. What about you?”
She may have added a slightly coy tone to her voice for good measure.
More
than happy to rise to the occasion and meet the suggestive flair
she had just brought to the conversation,
Zach offered her his most flirtatious smile. “Quiet. No
one to share it with.”
They
had stopped walking and were facing each other in the middle of
the hallway now. Quickly glancing down the hallway to see if
anyone was watching or listening, Annie spotted Kirk emerging
from the men’s room. He made split second eye contact with her
and practically ran the other way down the hall.
“Well,
that settles it. He’s so not worth the trouble!” she affirmed
in her head. But on the outside she smiled, rotated one hip forward
into a rather flirtatious pose, and responded shyly. “Oh, that
is too bad.” She batted her eyes. “If I had known, I would have
invited you over.”
Zach
tried to catch his breath. It was just the pause Annie needed.
“So call me next time. I’ll make sure you are properly entertained!”
She lowered her voice huskily on the last two words. Zach struggled
to remember which language he spoke. Annie smiled and returned
to her desk, completely assured that Kirk saw just enough to get
the completely wrong idea. He would be jealous and begging her
back in no time at all.
Zach
couldn’t remember the last time a girl had made it that easy for
him to get the message. A guy could really appreciate it when
a girl didn’t make him waste his time chasing her. He walked
toward the copy machine and stood in an enjoyable haze for a moment.
What He Saw
“Hmm…
Maybe three caffeine-free Code Red Mountain Dews before lunch
were not a wise idea,” Kirk thought as his stomach let out a grumble
that the woman in the cubicle across from him heard. She shot
him a funny look and scooted further into her cubicle, ensuring
that if it were contagious, she wouldn’t catch it. He decided
to answer nature’s call before his office mates organized a mutiny,
grabbed a newspaper, and headed for the restroom.
Rounding
the corner, his bladder sent out a code red of its own just as
he looked up and spotted Annie in the hall. Realizing that he
had no time to stop and chat, which he would normally want try
to do, he picked up his pace and practically knocked over the
tall blond guy from accounting as he ran for the bathroom. If
he took care of business fast enough, he may make it out in time
to catch up with Annie at her desk. He had been flirting with
her for a few weeks now, and she had been playing along. He wasn’t
quite sure yet, but was hoping that maybe she’d agree to go out
with him soon.
He
was in and out of the men’s room in record time. But as he looked
up the hall, he spotted Annie smiling and flirting with the guy
from accounting and was slightly irritated that he hadn’t actually
knocked him over, but that brief thought got zapped by the deeper
humiliation of realizing that the girl he liked just saw him coming
out of the men’s room. “Oh, the humanity!” He quickly turned and ran the other way
down the hall, hoping she didn’t notice his cheeks flushing a
deep shade of red as he turned and walked away.
What We Saw
Every
person in this little love triangle completely read the signals
wrong. If there is one message we wish we could get across to
every single person in the world, it would be to not read too
much into every little passing detail. Dating is not a case of
life or death. Girls send signals, guys send signals, and sometimes
it’s not really a signal… it’s just nature calling. Sometimes
he’s ignoring you. Sometimes it really is a mad dash for the
bathroom and nothing more. Sometimes she really wants you to
ask her out. So ask! Sometimes he really just didn’t notice
your new shoes. Big deal. Get over
it. That’s what your best friend is for ― right, ladies?
What
You Saw (Feedback From Our Last Column)
Sharon saw things a little differently than we did.
She said, “You said that 'you just have to wait for
the Master Chef to schedule your oven delivery' and that 'even
when the ingredients are all laid out and ready to use, we still
have to accomplish what our loving Father expects of us on His
timeframe.'" But we might be ready for eternal marriage in
God's eyes, and we might have accomplished what he expects of
us on his timeframe, and yet there might be no man available for
'delivery.' Our being single might not be the result of our not
being ready to marry. It might be the result of the agency of
men.”
Very good point, Sharon. All the best kitchen preparations in the
world won’t make a man appear anytime soon! However, don’t get
too discouraged. We’re not big believers in the theory that there’s
only one right person for everyone. When it’s your time, the
right person will come along. If you’re really supposed to get
married in this life, it will happen. You won’t be penalized
for someone else’s poor use of free agency.
Kris wrote,
“Now, concerning the cookie/oven analogy: Maybe all these
well-meaning, happy, cookie-eating married people are thinking,
'Why is this person sitting around waiting for the oven to be
delivered? Don't they know that you have to build your own
oven? Even a girls' camp cardboard box oven will bake cookies.'
“And
there was the great dose of humility when you wrote, 'Well, why
aren’t you married? You’re so great. You start to
wonder if you really are that great, since everyone seems to be
married except you.’ It's OK to not be perfect. It's
not OK to wait for the perfect person to marry. There is
no such person ― not for you and not for him. And
that is what gives
marriage the potential for happiness.'“
We
agree. Working together through it all is what makes the journey
fun. As James Taylor sang, “Try not to try to hard — it’s just
a lovely ride.”
What Others Saw in Lynnece’s Problem
Last week we featured a letter from Lynnece,
who had started dating her best friend only to start wondering
if the relationship is really what she wants. Joyce wrote in
reply, “No one is perfect. I wonder if you are overlooking
this great, available friend, and hoping for Mr. Wonderful Perfect.
If your friend is everything you want in a husband, what's
the problem? Best friends make the best husbands!
There is always a little doubt and fear in committing, but that
is normal. Have you received a confirmation of the spirit?
The Holy Ghost can help you decide if he will be right for you.”
And it looks
like Tonya sees things the same way, “Here’s
my advice to Lynnece. Go to the temple. If you’ve not been through
the temple before, fast. Take time to get yourself in a good place,
where you can really talk with your Heavenly Father, and ask him
what you should do. Think about your options and wait for an answer.
If one doesn’t come soon, leave yourself open to receive an answer,
and pray about it specifically as well as every time you pray.
An answer will come. Be diligent and have an open
heart.”
Kris
saw things uniquely as well. “No matter who he is, or how much you value him
there will always be others to distract you (and to distract him).
Before or after marriage. The choice is to dedicate yourself
to making one man (or woman) happy, no matter who else is
around or how 'ready' you feel. It's a hard choice, filled
with doubts. The Lord will help, but don't leave the decision
up to Him. Don't wait for Him to tell you "Yes, this
is THE ONE." Then, if it fails, doesn't that make it
the Lord's fault? No, it's up to you. The Lord honors
the covenants made in the temple, whether the people do or not.
He will give you guidance with the choice, but why would
He make it for you?”
What We Saw that Made Our Skin Crawl!
Every once in a while a truly awful faux
pas is brought to our attention. The following is so hideous
we ask that you send small children from the room before reading
this aloud. One reader (who must remain anonymous) sent us the
following invitation to a wedding invitation. The reader tells
us that he has never met the bride, and only met the groom once.
By no means did the reader expect an invitation to their wedding.
But maybe the bride saw things differently when she sent out the
following in a mass email to her ward: “I don't know how socially acceptable this is, but we're
way too cute and popular to be able to afford a hard copy announcement
for everyone we know and like. Spread the word and we hope to
see you all on the 30th of December.” No, we are not kidding.
Yikes!
What Did You See?
We’d
love to hear from you! All thoughts, visions, and Thanksgiving
well-wishers are welcome at erinandjuli@meridianmagazine.com.
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