Finding Your Jedi Knight
By Erin Ann McBride and Juli Hiatt Caldwell

Raising funds for the perpetual dating fund by hosting a “Kiss a Wookie” booth at your local fair.

A Method to Our Random Madness

If anyone out there in the alternative media universe is unaware that there is a new Star Wars movie out there, we are completely, unabashedly shocked.  We, of course, are not here to promote a movie—there are far greater tasks at hand---but we have to admit we both really, really liked it.  Not ‘guy’ liked it, where you say “ooh,” “no, go left!” and “YEAH!” with every swish and hum of the light saber, but we enjoyed it nonetheless.  It may have had something to do with Hayden Christensen’s curls, but we refuse to admit it on those grounds alone.

Being the Ultimate Intellects that we are, we brought our spiral notebooks to the movie [each time we saw it] and took notes on the Jedi for the benefit of the sisters, hoping to cull some ideas on how the Jedi dated and populated the universe.  Our hope was that if a Jedi can find a date, busy as he is saving the galaxy from the evil Empire, the rest of us can too.  With apologies to the gentleman who couldn’t see over our cinnamon bun hairdos, we approached our assignment with quiet tenacity usually reserved for true Jedi.  We discovered several Jedi teachings that relate quite well to the dating scenarios of today.  Prepare to be shocked.

The Many Degrees of a Jedi Dater: First the Youngling

These young apprentices are just starting out in the dating world.  This population largely consists of guys who have graduated from high school but haven’t gone on a mission.  However, a small segment of this group also includes guys who would prefer to play video games than date.  If your 35-year-old male friend is excessively excited about the Game Cube he just picked up and now spends his weekend nights searching stores for updates of the vintage Atari games, he is a Youngling.  He has not learned enough of the ways of the dating force and must work his way up through the ranks.  Leave these guys alone.  If he’s pre-mission, he needs to be focusing on that instead of you.  If he’d rather play Game Cube than date, he needs more help than either of us can provide.  Just be nice to him and hope he’ll grow up someday.

The Paduwan

This excellent man has advanced enough in the ways of the dating force that he knows how to act around a girl.  He looks to the older Jedi around him and emulates their actions.  He may be completely clueless from time to time, but then, aren’t we all?  He has no idea that a girl is throwing a party just for him.  He thinks a girl might be flirting, but isn’t sure and doesn’t know if he should proceed.  He generally needs further guidance from the Masters to learn these subtle nuances.  He has enough knowledge to make sure his socks match, his car is decluttered (all fast food wrappers shoved under the seat and the Cheetos' crumbs hand-swept off the seat before his date sits on it). He makes sure he doesn’t have something stuck in his teeth before he asks a girl out.  He’s wearing a clean shirt on the date, although he may forget to change the radio station before she gets in the car and is slightly embarrassed when she realizes that his taste in music is more Weird Al than anything remotely cool.  This is fine, though, because we appreciate this valiant warrior’s efforts!  He is trying so hard, and one day he will advance to the rank of knight.  With every new battle (or is that date?) he enters, he comes out a better man for it.  Give him time, and he will be quite the catch.  He should realize, however, that most clean-cut girls really don’t like it when a guy’s braid is longer than her own. 

Jedi Knight

This man is no one’s apprentice—he can fight his own battles.  Far removed from the ranks of amateurs, this guy knows what he’s doing when it comes to dating, but his slightly insecure, adorably humble side prevents him from giving himself the credit he deserves.  He thinks a girl might be interested, but doesn’t want to make a fool of himself sending out transmissions that will be rejected from the female’s force field.  The Jedi Knight asks girls out regularly, has been known to have relationships, and is a truly nice guy.  He paid attention during the Paduwan phase.  He knows that he is doing.  The only problem with the Knight is that he has so much fun honing his mastery of his dating skills that sometimes he forgets that he is has a quest [to get married].  Here on earth we have many names for this behavior, including “sowing his oats” and “playing the field.”

Jedi Master

The Jedi Master of Dating is the ultimate force for good in the universe.  He has mastered all of the feats of a progressive dater.  He asks girls out, and has had at least one documented, serious, committed relationship.  If he has been engaged at least once, he wins bonus points and is prized far above all the treasures in the universe because he has declared for all his desire to commit.  He makes sure the car is clean, tidies his home before company arrives, does the dishes, dates regularly, and calls his grandmother.  He recognizes when a girl is flirting with him (and thinks that girls who bat their eyelashes and flip their hair in feeble attempts at flirting are rank amateurs who should be in training with the younglings.)  It feels like he can read your mind and knows your inner feelings.  He knows how to make a connection with you and sense your needs.  The Jedi Master of dating truly wants to be married and makes continuous effort in that realm.  Very soon, one extremely lucky lady will form an independent Jedi council with him, and they will soon bring forth their own younglings for training.

What About the Girls?

No worries, ladies—we would never forget about you.  The one notable item in all six of the Star Wars movies is the leader for good, the organizer and motivator for all the warriors, is a woman. Yup, a woman!  Leia and Padme were smart women who never lost sight of their moral compass and fought for what they knew was right and good, and won the very handsome man in the process.  Would justice and peace have been restored to the universe if these women had stayed home in sweats on a Saturday night, drowning their sorrows in a tub of Ben-Kenobi and Jerry’s, whining that all the good Jedi were already engaged in the dating battle?  Don’t think so!  Break out the light saber and go fight a few battles of your own!  Do you truly expect to find a Jedi at home?  Or will you find a him while you fight side by side, robes swirling in the Tatooine wind, as you restore justice and liberty to the galaxy?  Get up and do something about your life.  This is an equal opportunity universe, friends, where it doesn’t matter who engages whom first, as long as the end result is engagement! 

To all true Jedi fans, please accept our humble apologies for the blatant rip-off.  This was meant to amuse and entertain you regarding dating, and not be an historically accurate account of the fictitious Jedi order.  All comments about dating are welcome and desired on our landing pad: erinandjuli@meridianmagazine.com.  If you wish to inform us that we know nothing of the Jedi order, we must advise you that we have borrowed an Imperial force field because we already know that you know that we know nothing…However, if you would like to send in your thoughts regarding dating, we’d love to hear from you!

You Said It!

Much of the mail we received this week said pretty much the same thing, but as always, you said it a little better than we do.  Ann said “I think the Church and its well-meaning leaders put way too much pressure on our young adults to get married.  They should be developing their talents and skills as they find out who they are and what they really want to do in their lives.  For some, this comes much earlier in life than for others.  Nothing could be worse than to make the marriage and have it be the wrong choice with the wrong person at the wrong time.  Church should be a place where we go to worship our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ, renew our covenants, learn and teach the principals of the Gospel, take our children so they can learn too, learn to love one another, etc.  Surely, to an extent, it is a social gathering, but it should not be a matchmaking institution also.  What could be a bigger turnoff for many of our young single brothers and sisters?  The greater the pressure, the bigger the turnoff.  Single adults need the time, the space, and the respect from all of us so they will have the freedom to make their own decisions.” To the married folk of the Church, she advises, “Just love them. Respect them, include them where they want to be included, and then leave them alone to live their own lives.”

Joan in California concurred and added, “You think dating in your 20's is rough?  The worse thing I had to go through was dances.  The first dance I attended had men who were never able to get a date in their 20's because they were prancing around like the Lord's gift to women because there were so few of them and so many desperate women.  I spent that dance staring in wonder.  The second dance finished me.  I was completely invisible.  I was standing on the sidelines when two men walked into the room.  They stood in front of me, so close they almost were touching the toes of my shoes, only their backs were to me.  One said to the other, ‘Well, I'm not dancing this one; all the good ones are taken."  I showed considerable self control in not bopping the guy in the back of the head.  I just walked out of the room, found my car and went home.

“My future husband appeared out of nowhere, when I least expected it.  I chose my single activities to be things I would enjoy even if I was married.  I liked firesides, conferences (without the dance), and educational programs.  I developed a circle of women friends to fill my weekends with movies, theater and dominoes.  I have a strong testimony that if you attend the temple once a week, ‘things will get better.’  I don't know what ‘things’ but they get better.  I came to understand that the Lord has an agenda for me and to be patient and wait until his timing is right. I also came to understand that as a single woman, people loved me and wanted me to be happy. It was up to me to show them that I was happy in spite of being single.”  Well said, Joan.  We need to celebrate our lives and live regardless of marital status, not because of it. 

Nate brought a different perspective to the table.  He wrote regarding our story of Catherine, “To be honest, I think we singles can be a little too sensitive sometimes. Here Catherine is attending a class that she knows doesn't really apply to her at this stage in her life, which fact you the authors conceded, too ("Talk about dedication!"). But when a fellow ward member acknowledges it to Catherine ("Well, I guess you will get to use this information someday.”), why is it now wrong to acknowledge it?

“I saw that comment as a fairly innocuous attempt at empathy. I would have welcomed it. But I admit, I wasn't there, and even if the intent was good, I know people take things differently. I just want to suggest that as singles, we shouldn't be overly sensitive or seek offense, but rather develop the reflex of giving the benefit of the doubt to our brothers and sisters.” 

What Not to Say to Your Home Teachees:

The award for a shocking statement spoken to a single was won this week by Deb in Denver.  Way to go!  Deb, who has been divorced for twelve years, emailed this week and said that four years ago, her home teacher informed her that she needed to hurry up and get married already!  As he so eloquently told her, "You're not going to be able to get by on your good looks forever, you know."  Ouch!  Ok, EQ presidents, open the manual to the notes section and write this down: Make sure brethren don’t say this.

You know the drill from here.  Is there anything you think we missed?  Any opinion on Jedi dating?  Anyone who feels the force flowing through their fingertips and onto the keyboard of the computer can send us opinion, opines, octopi, or ovaltine.  We take plain old email, too.  Send us your input at erinandjuli@meridianmagazine.com.

Thanks, and may the dating force be with you…always.