M E R I D I A N     M A G A Z I N E

Cat Women
By Erin Ann McBride and Juli Hiatt Caldwell, pouncing like cats, gentle as kittens

Girls, please say it ain’t so!

Men, as much as we love you, the message we share today is intended for the single women only.  Why?  Because women are their own worst enemies.  Men, we urge you to keep reading, because we know you aren’t guilty of such atrocities, and we need your help in finding a cure for the horrible plague that afflicts a few, but is suffered by all. 

We’re talking about cattiness.

Ok, maybe that seems a little melodramatic, girls, but stop and ask yourselves, have you ever said following things or been told the following?

• “Tell her she can just stay away from him because he’s my boyfriend!”
• “Oh my gosh!  Did you see the way she was looking at me?  I think she’s just mad because I have a boyfriend.”
• “I hope you weren’t too interested in him.  He’s just really friendly and didn’t mean for you to think he was flirting.  I’m the only one he’s dating.  I mean, we date other people right now but it’s practically exclusive.  I’d be surprised if I don’t have a ring on my finger within a couple of months.”
• “Have you ever considered entering yourself in one of those makeover shows?”

Ouch!  Yes, oh yes, we’ve each heard all of these things uttered, both to us and to friends, and this is what we must all fight to stop. Girls, words like this are like acts of vandalism — they are ugly and pointless.  Do you realize how we sound when we say things like this?  We sound ridiculous!  This is the verbal equivalent of sneaking into the bathroom, getting all the toilet paper wet, and throwing the soaked wads to the ceiling.  Can any good come from this?

We can only surmise the purpose of one girl undercutting another.  Since we are self-proclaimed experts at nothing but have opinions on everything, we will deconstruct the validity of the above statements.  Obviously any girl so desperate as to put down another female has the self confidence of a peanut.  She obviously has little confidence in her own abilities and therefore must threaten away any competition she perceives to have, so as to level her playing field.  Isn’t that the equivalent of saying “Hey, if I have no competition, I might actually win the guy”? Hopefully, no woman is truly that lacking in self-confidence! 

He’s Mine!

“Didn’t you know I’m dating him?”  Oh yes, we’ve heard this line more than once.  The stupefying fact in each of these situations is that both girls were not, in fact, dating the guys in question when these declarations were made.  Our fearless heroine has always been known to have more male friends than female, and for some reason, insecure girls seem to find this a threat.

There is no need to feel threatened by one of your own! There is no need to be insecure!  Take a good hard look at yourself in the mirror and pretend your Stuart Smalley, from SNL in the days of yore.  Repeat after me: “I’m good enough, I’m smart enough, and doggone it, people like me!”  Stop blustering about what you hope will happen and undercutting the girls you perceive as a threat to that goal. We’re all together in this mad dash to eternity.  There won’t be bonus prizes for backstabbing and subterfuge on judgment day. Why not work together and have a little fun along the way?  Your female counterparts should not be your worst enemies.  They should be your compadres, teammates, and best friends.  Who else understands you better than another single woman?

Hope You Weren’t Too Interested …

Blah blah blah.  When you go on and on … and on about how serious you are with a certain guy but you are never seen together at social functions, don’t expect people to think you are dating.  Especially if he is known to flirt with other females at these functions!  You can put on a brave face and try and spread a rumor, but we have to call your bluff: You’re in complete denial.  Wanting something and having something are two completely different things; talking about it all the live-long day won’t make it happen.  Sadly, you may just be another tragic victim of Duty-Free Dating.  Or maybe he was just never that interested in you.  Accept the facts, and stop spreading fiction, and/or your own version of hopeful truth.

Maybe you are one of the lucky ones who found her Brother Right, and you know it a little sooner than he does and you’re just waiting until he realizes it too.  When you blurt our random nonsense like, “I’m the only one he’s dating.  I mean, we date other people right now but it’s practically exclusive,” you might really believe it but the rest of us are pretty sure you’re making it up while hoping it will turn into one of those self-fulfilling prophecies we learn about in Psych 101.  You can talk from sunrise to sunset about how wonderful your almost exclusive relationship is, but all we hear is blah blah blah.  Girl, if he ain’t yours, get over it.

Makeover, Anyone?

“Have you ever considered entering yourself in one of those makeover shows?”  Yes, this statement was actually made to our fearless heroine Annie at an Institute Dance.  Annie, brand new to town, had driven an hour to attend a dance with a guy in her stake who happened to be the only other single from her stake going to the dance; therefore, carpooling simply made sense.  “Cat Woman” was interested in this guy, who we’ll call Terry, immediately introduced herself to Annie, played nice for a little while, then pushed her secret cat woman button and the claws flew out with lightning speed.  Her actual words were something like, “You have really nice skin.  If you got yourself a makeover, you could be pretty.”

Or something like that … we try to repress memories like these, and why shouldn’t we?  They were simply hurtful words that forced our heroine to run to the bathroom and examine herself thoroughly in the mirror while Cat Woman went to dance with Terry.  If this little kitty had instead honestly befriended Annie, she would have found at that she and Terry were nothing more than friends and carpooling buddies for the evening, and she could have gained an ally in her fight for the “ring.”  (By the way, Cat Woman never did get a ring from Terry.)

This is Where the Guys Come In

The gentlemen may now pick their jaws up from off the floor and do a little thinking for us.  Yes, the guys are completely dumbfounded that such shocking expressions have spewed forth from intelligent, talented, attractive, active LDS women.  Those kind, sweet girls making them dinner on Sunday nights are stabbing their feminine peers in the back with the butter knife they just used to slather the rolls they’re about to serve.  We can only attribute this to insecurity. 

We’d like to know what the guys think when they hear of things like this happening.  Do you find that attractive?  Does this make you want to date a girl, or will such language send you screaming into the night, tearing your hair out?  We’ve never heard of guys making comments like this to one another and are wondering if this is exclusive to the female domain.  You can always share your thoughts with us at erinandjuli@meridianmagazine.com.

A Little Q&A from the Single Thought Girls

Last week our wonderful readers came to the rescue of Stacy and her conundrum (see below “More Than Friends”).  This week we bring you Caitlin and her big dilemma. 

Dear Erin and Juli:

I read your column about Stacy and her dilemma, and I was wondering if you could help me out?  My problem is exactly the opposite!  I have been interested in Christian for a while now.  We hang out, we’re friends, and I really like being around him.  I really want to be more than just friends with him.  Last week we watched a movie together at a party, and were quite snuggly.  All the signs were there that maybe he wanted something more too (finally).  But when the party was over, he left (with barely a wave goodbye) with two other girls to go to an all night-diner.   He’s never asked me out.  I’ve tried multiple times to ask him out, but he never seems to realize I mean for them to be dates.  What do I do?  And how do I do it? 

Thanks,

Caitlin

Readers — She’s all yours!  Send in your answers!!

Sentiments for Stacy — More Than Friends?

Thanks to everyone who sent in advice for Stacy, a girl who last week asked us if her best friend should become more.  Since we got a nice round number of responses, we were able to use our trusty calculators to figure out that 80% of our readers who responded think Stacy should go for it. Stacy should very definitely give romance a chance with the "best friend."

Anonymous Guy, who just celebrated forty-one years of (with the same woman, he proudly informs us) said, “As President Kimball counseled, the soul mate is a fiction and a delusion.  Romantic love lasts about six months, and then you need a friend.”  And Frank thinks Stacy should go for it!  “Nothing ventured, nothing gained.  She just may end up with a best friend and a husband.”

Eagle Scout Aficionado waxed poetic about her dream man, but says she knows he is just that: a dream.  “Awe, my dream man. He would have been a certain height and had a certain look. But I fell in love with my best friend, a man not quite as good looking, but funnier and much more fun to be with, the one who truly could hold a conversation for many hours as opposed to not at all.  The friend who understood me as I understand him, as we connected on so many more levels than my dream man.  In the end my dream man dumped me.  Boy, am I grateful!  My best friend lifts me through it all every day.  He’s one of the greatest blessings in my life.”

Sherrie from Southern Cal was in the other 20%, who believed that being friends with your spouse is important, but sometimes the spark of physical attraction is all that can hold you together during the rough times.   She asked, “Can you fall in love with your best friend?  That is a tough one.  I had a similar situation once, and I hate to say it, but at the end of the day looks count.  What gets you from here to there is some physical attraction and the ability to feel like a woman in his presence (not a friend).  And I'll bet you've known each other long enough to know whether that's possible.”

Good Advice

MJ sent in some advice for us, and we would all do well to heed her words of wisdom.  She wrote, “It will never impress anyone especially someone you want to date to tell them you reduce stress by not cleaning. This is especially unimpressive if your odor is a tangible presence that occupies two or three seats surrounding you.”

As always, comments on any of the above are welcome, wanted, required, sought, searched, studied, and met with great joy.  You know where to find us: erinandjuli@meridianmagazine.com.

Thank and have a great dating week!

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