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The
Official Erin and Juli’s
Revised
Rules for Dating
By Erin Ann McBride and Juli Hiatt Caldwell. All rights
reserved, thank you very much!
From
time to time we have brought to you our rules for what
not to do on a date. We still maintain that
we can’t tell you how to get a date, but we can always
tell you why you can’t get a date. Our rules for what
not to do on a date also apply for what not to do during
a first conversation, encounter, visiting and/or home
teaching appointment, or family dinner. We ask you
to please review the rules, ask yourself if and how
often you have violated these rules, and reconsider
your behavior!
We
recently had the pleasure of meeting with the Single
Adults of the Washington DC area during their annual
conference. We invited them to share with us their
rules for dating, so what you see below is a mix of
our longstanding rules and their brilliant insight.
Thanks, DC Singles! We had a blast. Read on and enjoy
the Official Erin and Juli Revised Rules for Dating.
1.
Do not under any circumstances call a member of the
opposite sex during your date.
It’s rude, plain and simple, and it sends the message
that you would rather be with that person than you.
And never ever call a member of any sex to set up a
sporting event during a date.
2.
“If you can’t say something nice, don’t say nothing
at all.” Practice thinking happy, nice thoughts to say on
your date, or in pleasant conversation.
3.
Do not discuss how you believe that the two of you met
in the preexistence and agreed to find each other here. There’s no better way to send the object of your desire
screaming into the night. Save those revelations for
when you have a serious, well-established relationship!
4.
If you must use the restroom, please refrain from describing
the event in graphic detail upon return. We regret that we must bring this up at all!
5.
Do not set guidelines for what is or isn’t allowed in
your future hypothetical marriage and/or relationship
with any hypothetical or potential mate. Likewise, do not set guidelines for what will or
won’t be allowed during your date. You may set forth
an agenda for the evening, but you may not set restrictions
upon your date’s independent spirit.
6.
Do not discuss all the awful things your last significant
other did during your relationship. You’re just sending the message that, if things don’t
work out on tonight’s date, you’ll be gossiping about
it to someone else in the near future.
7.
Health Issues:
- Do not discuss them at all, especially those related
to your intestinal tract.
- Do not pick your nose (this seems like a no-brainer
but you'd be surprised...)
- "Pull my finger" is never funny to a
girl.
- Do not lift the band aid. We do not wish to see
the scab.
- Do not double dip or backwash. Use a little common
sense and pretend you’re on job interview, because
in a sense, you are. You’re screening potential future
mates! We can pretty much guarantee no employer would
hire you if you spend time doing a little nasal extraction
during an interview, so don’t be surprised if your
date isn’t interested in round two either.
8.
Do not cry.
It will come back to haunt you, we guarantee it. This
is aimed mostly at girls, who are known for bursting
into tears from time to time in what can only be accurately
described as hormone-induced temporary insanity. Guys,
especially those who don’t know you well, are incapable
of handling this correctly. Please spare them.
9.
Do not tell your life history. Give your date little tidbits of information at first, leaving
more questions than answers. Always leave them wanting
more. What better way to get another date?
10.
Do not ask on a first date if your companion has prayed
about the relationship. It’s a first date, not a relationship!
11.
No matter how difficult, please refrain from belching
out the alphabet.
12.
Do not under any circumstances call your mother during
the date.
13.
Do not ever attempt to explain something using charades
or exaggerated hand motions.
Sadly, you look like an idiot.
14.
Do not under any circumstances ask if you look fat,
or if any specific body part looks fat. Again, this is for the girls. Guys can’t answer
this question properly and it’s unfair to put that sort
of burden on them at all!
15.
Do not ever roll down the window and ask, "Can
you smell that?"
16.
Never ever lie about how many times you have been married. Actually, just don’t lie!
17.
Do not tell your date about the great deal on a high
chair you saw at a yard sale, and how you were thinking
about buying it, just in case your date goes well.
Frugality is an excellent trait, but this goes back
to number 3. If the relationship is new, this will
only serve to freak the person out.
18.
Do not ever offer to give your date a makeover or enter
them in a reality TV makeover show.
19.
Do not talk about the pop icons you not-so-secretly
fantasize about.
20.
He who asks pays, regardless of gender.
21.
Have an opinion, but not the only opinion. Most people like to have a lively discussion. If your response
to a question is, “I like that too,” hoping that they’ll
see how much you have in common, you have succeeded
only in not letting them learn anything about you—and
killed the conversation in the process!
22.
Make it clear you are on a date, or not, as the case
may be. There I nothing wrong with clarifying that you are going to dinner as friends,
or that you want to get to know someone better. Clear
up any ambivalence about dating at the outset. And absolutely
no Duty Free Dating! (http://www.meridianmagazine.com/singlethought/040916duty.html
) It is our life’s mission to eradicate this social
beast from existence!
23.
Do not tell the stories of all the cheating you did
while married. Raquel, Denver, PA.
24.
Never ever tell your date that the Spirit told you that
“she’s the one.” Spiritual blackmail is not a good thing. Matt, Burke, VA.
25.
Don’t hang out the wash—you can get tumble dried.
Rufus, Maryland.
26.
If you must pierce something, do not pierce your tongue.
Your date wants to be able to understand what you are
saying. Becky, North Carolina.
27.
If you are bilingual, do not answer the phone while
watching a movie and then converse in your native language. Ann, Virginia.
28.
If you pick out a movie for your date to watch, ask
your date what he/she might like. Then your date won’t be bored to death. Ann, Virginia.
29.
Don’t be “nice,” be honest. Eric.
30.
Don’t tell me about your medical problems on the first
date. Sam.
31.
Don’t keep asking me the same questions and have the
same conversation every time we talk. G. Daniel.
32.
While you’re kissing your date, don’t tell them you’re
thinking about a previous relationship you had with
someone else. Doug, Maryland.
And
our absolute most favorite (we’re just sorry we didn’t
think of it first)-
33.
Don’t talk about the parasites you picked up on your
mission. Merlin, Alexandria, VA. We have decided that the proper response to anyone
commenting on your parasite would be to say, “May I
have seconds please? Gotta feed the tapeworm!”
***
Some Topics for the New Year
We
would like to try something new this week. The following
letters from readers have brought up some interesting
topics. We open up these subjects for your response.
We can’t wait to hear what you have to say!
Disappearing
Act
Shanie
wrote, “I have a question that maybe some of your readers
can answer for me. Let me explain the situation first.
I met a guy on a vacation I took with my friends. When
I returned from our trip he called and asked me out.
It was a fun date. He called the next few weeks and
we saw each other almost every weekend. Things were
going great, I thought, and then all of a sudden he
just stopped calling altogether. Is this what guys
do when they don't want to go out anymore? I am not
the type of girl to dwell on this, since obviously it
was not going anywhere, but I am still confused at the
aspect of him asking me out and then vanishing. Why
do guys do that? I know some of you men may think we
are too sensitive to take the truth, and yes, some of
us might be devastated, but let us know your feelings.”
It’s
not just guys who practice this, but for Shanie’s sake,
let us know what you think. Why would this guy just
disappear without as much as a ‘good-bye’ or a ‘nice
to know you?’
Girls
Just Want to Have Fun … and Not Stay Home Alone
Jennifer
writes in to say, “I am a currently a student at BYU-Idaho.
I find it frustrating to date here. All the guys I
have met are either dating, have a girlfriend, or haven't
gone on a mission. Guys here like the responsibility
to ask the girl out. What I find frustrating is that
they never will ask the girl out. What are we supposed
to do? Wait around half our lives for them to ask us
out or ask them out ourselves? I asked a guy out on
a date and he was so uncomfortable with the idea that
I asked him out that the date was no fun. Guys need
to realize that if they ask a girl out they probably
won't get rejected the first time. Girls are nice!”
It
may just be the most complicated question in a single
girl’s life. Should girls ask guys out or not? Your
opinions please!!
Too
Much Mom and Dad Time?
“I have a running argument with a friend about
what is an acceptable level of closeness to parents
for an adult. I know a lot of people who have had relationships
severely strained by in-laws, who often become confidants
for things that should be resolved within the relationship.
In some extreme cases, they actually work to undermine
a relationship. My friend says he thinks it's fine
for a girl to talk to her parents every day; I have
to say I find that really weird for an adult. My family
emails a lot, but I only actually speak with my parents
once every month or two. I love them to death, but
there is a very clear separation between us. My parents
and I had a fairly easy time letting go, but when I
go home and spend time with them, we are very close.”
Daniel, VA.
What do you think? Can a girl be too close to
her parents?
Single Moms Need Some Fun Too
A divorced mother of three emailed us to say that
sometimes she just has to say no to a date. She prefers
to meet her dates at the restaurant, rather than at
her home. She would prefer not to introduce her dates
to her five-year-old son, who will inevitably ask, “Is
he going to be my daddy?” It’s too complicated to bring
a date home. She would rather play it safe and meet
at the restaurant, which tends to send the signal that
she’s the independent type, and she finds herself paying
for dinner as a result. So now she has to pay for dinner,
parking, and the babysitter. Suddenly she’s out over
$50 just to go out with a guy she already knew she wasn’t
that interested in. She doesn’t want to send the wrong
signal that she’s not interested in dating. She wants
to get out and have some fun. But how? Where is the
happy medium? Do men realize what they are asking of
a single mom? Does anyone have any advice for single
parent dating?
Your
thoughts on this and anything else you have read today
are always welcome in our humble little inbox: erinandjuli@meridianmagazine.com.
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Meridian Magazine.
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