Rewriting Regrets
By C.S. Bezas

It is a new year. We have so much before us. What is the best way to approach the twelve months ahead? Here are a few suggestions:

Take out a sheet of paper and turn it sideways. Create four even columns by drawing three evenly-spaced vertical lines from top to bottom. Title the first column: Regrets. Title the second column: Why. Title the third column: As A Result. Title the fourth: Rewrite.

“Regrets”

Take a few moments to think back on your life in its entirety. What are some of the greatest regrets that you have? Whether it’s having sold a home too early, thereby losing profit; whether it’s having spoken harshly to a friend or family member; whether it’s regretting changing majors in college — whatever it may be, write each regret down in the first column.

Allow yourself to take a few days to ponder this. Oftentimes the more meaningful insights cannot be rushed; instead, when allowed to marinate in the mind, richer insights slowly seep forth.

“Why”

Once you have listed several regrets, turn your attention to the second column. As you look at each comment written in the first column, analyze why that event occurred and/or holds regrets for you. Write that response in the second column. For example, in the case of switching majors, what drove that decision? Was it giving in to peer pressure from family or friends? Was it fear of failure? Was it finances?

In the case of speaking harshly with a friend or family member, what was behind that? Was it being in physical pain during that time of your life, so that everything you did hurt? Was it hidden emotional pain that caused the harshness? Write down the why of the occurrence and why each item on your list uniquely holds regrets.

“As a Result”

Noticing consistency amid the seams of our past decisions will help us identify patterns that might crop up in current and/or future choices. For example, if the response “I was afraid…” is listed frequently in column two as the reason for failing to follow through with decisions (thus failing to move ahead), this discovered pattern can be addressed and challenged in future choices (thus, the value of the chart we are creating).

The purpose of life is many-fold. One of those purposes is to gain knowledge. All of us make mistakes during life. That’s a given. In fact, we read in Ether 12:26-27:

The Lord desires that we become strong. He promises His help as we seek it. And yet He also teaches us through his prophet in Alma 60:14:

We are to be proactively involved in bettering our lives. That is why the third column in our chart, entitled As a Result, can act as a solidifying piece of analysis. In this column, complete the phrase “As a result I learned that…” for each regret listed. This is where the potency of insight can come. This is where each past mistake can be translated into future power in decision-making.

As you complete the third column for each regret, you can begin to see how to translate these new insights into better choices that currently face you, no matter what they are. Whether you are stumped right now with teaching the youth in your life or challenged in other personal ways, by analyzing your past choices you will be more prepared to handle the coming twelve months successfully.

In 2 Chronicles 15:7 we read,

In other words, all effort we make to better our lives will bear fruit, as we turn to the One who created us and seek His help.

“Rewrite”

Here comes the fun. The purpose of this activity is to turn previous setbacks into powerful tools for change. The reason being, once you can determine the driving force behind each regret, you can then turn the experience to your benefit. What a way to morph something we regret into better moments for the future!

So, in the final column’s space, take a moment to explore the imaginative rewriting of your personal history. With that all-powerful pencil, rewrite your past — just for creativity’s sake.

For example, if you regret having changed your major in college, for a moment allow yourself the luxury of re-writing history. For example, the Regret column of “I changed my major, simply because my friends did” will morph in the Rewrite column to: “I chose to stick with my major, even though family and friends tried to talk me out of it.” Even though we all know we can’t truly rewrite history, by pretending for a moment, we can begin to experience greater personal power.

That which we envision is easier to achieve. By practicing the envisioning of past successes, future ones potentially become more real also, because we become well rehearsed in seeing with an eye of faith.

By taking the activating event/regret and looking at the outcome of our feelings and behaviors, we can ask ourselves what our belief originally was. If our belief was irrational at the time, or not functional for that time, we can change that belief by modifying it into something functional, logical, and rational for today.

Summary

It’s not the making of mistakes that is a pathetic thing. No, not at all. The Lord knew we would stumble and fall as we go through life. In fact, this is why we were given the immense gift of the Savior. He not only paid for our sins, but also buffers our foolishness with his wisdom — if we turn to Him.

As we envision ourselves making healthy choices (meaning choices better for us and those around us), we become better able to translate this skill into future decision-making. Our choices will become better founded and lead to greater success.

We all make mistakes, and it is the failure to learn from past mistakes that is regrettable. By analyzing, praying, and musing over past errors, we can receive from the Lord a new power to do things differently in the future. By creatively rewriting how you might have done things differently in the past, you give yourself insight and power ready to be used in future moments of decision-making.

You may not be able to change yesterday’s regrets, but your tomorrows are still waiting. By grasping new insights and implementing them deeply into your present-day life, you can avoid future heartaches, regrets and recriminations, and you will gain much satisfaction as you go through life. The twelve months ahead are looking better and better!

C.S. Bezas’ new book is now in LDS bookstores and has been called perfect for parents of teens and those who work with them. Powerful Tips for Powerful Teachers: Helping Youth Find Their Spiritual Wings is also available by clicking here.