Meridian Magazine : : Seminary Class Notes: From a Parent’s Perspective

From a Parent’s Perspective
By C.S. Bezas

Last week we discussed a variety of thoughts about students who arrive late to seminary. We talked about how first and foremost, we are to love those students regardless of whether or not they are prompt. We discussed also how as seminary teachers, we need not feel we are failing even if tardiness continues to occur. And finally, we covered a few ideas on how to stimulate punctuality.

I greatly appreciated hearing from a variety of you, with your thoughts and perspectives as seminary teachers. And I especially valued the feedback of, not a seminary teacher, but a parent who wrote me her thoughts. I found them essential for us to be able to arrive at a balanced understanding of this issue:

A Parent’s Perspective.

Tardiness is a problem for my own children this year. I personally am not teaching seminary this year, but here's a parental perspective.

First, realize there may be very good reasons a student is tardy. Don't assume the worst or assume the student or family doesn't value seminary. An important request is that if a student is tardy, then please enter as quietly and as least disruptively as possible. A tardy student should show the rest of the class and teacher that respect.

Beyond that... be happy the students are there. Allow students to complete makeup work from the student manual if absences or tardiness is deemed excessive. As a seminary teacher/leader, compassion and understanding should be foremost.

The parent continues, by addressing the challenge of family scheduling and the many facets of those challenges:

...needs and school schedules of younger children at home, husband's mandatory work schedule, whether a student can drive themselves (assuming auto insurance and a vehicle are even available to them), the fact the student only got four hours of sleep the night before finishing a major assignment for the grading period, the adult driver taking them to seminary has worked 60-65 hours week for the last year, and on and on.

She then adds terrific advice:

While seminary is important and a blessing to the student, manipulation should never be used to add guilt to students or parents. Such comments such as "Well, if it were important, you would be there," or, "You are being influenced by the cunning Lucifer," or "You just don't have your priorities right." These are all comments I've heard! Tardy students may be doing the best they can, given their family circumstances.

Condescending comments or leadership through manipulation or directive doesn't foster good feelings with the family or help the student. Church leadership manuals… tell us that there are three types of leadership. Participatory leadership is the best where members are involved and issues are discussed. On rare occasions, directive leadership is used. The least effective leadership that should never be used is leadership by manipulation.

I'm a parent of seminary students, and this year's schedule isn't working well for us.... and my own children are often tardy. But we are trying.

The Importance of Sincerity.

Can you hear the pleading in her voice? Can you sense her sincerity? Here is a woman who speaks to the essential nature of seminary and whose family is working to ensure their seminary-age children are attending, yet the complexities of getting those children there are real. Can we not experience compassion in realizing the depth of her plea for understanding this scenario?

True, some students simply just don’t bother to get up on time; but others are very much making Herculean efforts to be at seminary, even if they aren’t arriving before that precise moment when class starts (at least, not yet).

This dear mother shares one final thought that tugged at my heartstrings:

I've been told this year by [an individual at church] that seminary is like a dance class. You don't get to pick the time. The studio sets the time and you either choose to be there or not. Well, no kidding… given that, some families are just trying to do the best they can.

Maybe tardy students that just try to slip in as quietly as possible should be welcomed and be told it is good to see them... just as soon as they could get there.

Just as Soon as They Can Get There

So there we have it, a very important perspective from a parent. How important it is that we do not judge the students that walk through the portals of our classrooms. How important it is to greet the students, “just as soon as they can get there.” How important it is for us to seek first to understand, before trying to be understood. Here are a few ideas to do just that.

Create a survey form. Within the form, in addition to the usual name, age, likes, dislikes, etc., make sure to include a few questions of your students, such as: “What is your biggest concern this year?” and “If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?” Pray as you create this survey, so that the Lord can open your mind to questions that will help you understand the students you serve.

Take time each semester to call. Record on your calendar a date to write an encouraging note or to make a brief phone call some time during the semester to each student. These calls do not need to be long, perhaps nothing more than, “I have appreciated you being in my seminary class this year. Thank you for your efforts.” Obviously, as we make these efforts ourselves, we want to do so properly and in a manner that would bring the spirit.

Learn from their parents. Something that has been helpful for me is to meet the student with his parents in their home. This gives me a much better perspective of the students, the level of support they receive from their parents, and what their family life entails. My husband’s MTC president used to say, “Information makes for better inspiration.” I have seen the validity of this as I’ve taken the time to get to know the families of the students in my classroom. It has been time well spent when possible. Of course, as always, make sure to follow your local CES leaders’ training and suggestions in these matters.

Summary

Any effort we make on behalf of our students will aid the process of teaching them and will help bring the spirit. We began this discussion last week regarding tardy students and their impact on the classroom. We followed a few thoughts about making sure we are compassionate in dealing with tardiness, being practical about not calling ourselves (or anyone else) a failure if tardiness continues, and then ended last week’s article with a few additional ideas to help influence greater punctuality on the part of our students.

But the most important part of any challenge is to make sure we understand all sides of the experience as best we can. That is why I so valued the parent who wrote me this week to speak of one family’s experience in trying, in spite of their harried lives, to get their seminary student to class as best they could.

What a valuable letter that was! For we as seminary teachers especially should be able to understand the importance of “seeking first to understand” before wanting to be understood. Thus parental feedback is important to our understanding the bigger picture.

Do we want our students to comprehend the importance of being punctual to our classes? Absolutely. But the pathway to that understanding, at least in my mind, is seeking to understand their lives first. Once that is done, how much more effective we can be in helping these students in their lives — not just with punctuality, but with overall joyful gospel living!

Yes, definitely, let us seek first to understand and let the Lord take care of our own needs for understanding! I believe that as we do so, we will become much more like the Lord Himself in our interactions with these priceless students.

Watch for C.S. Bezas’ new book, Powerful Tips for Powerful Teachers: Helping Youth Find Their Spiritual Wings, now in LDS bookstores or available through this Meridian link!