Love and example have the power to rescue a child. But coupled with these virtues is the unequalled power of personal sanctification. When parents apply to increased righteousness, effectual keys are turned, and deliverance steps through the door. Here are two stories from parents: one in the process, and the other feeling the sweet fruits of success.

Dear Larry,

Thank you for letting me vent.

We have a son who is almost forty. When he was a teenager, he started playing in a rock band, and then he got into drugs. He married then lost his family. His friends have all moved on. Worst of all, he has lost our trust. We have spent thousands on his broken promises. I won't go into all that has happened. He has hurt my husband and me and each of his siblings.

I am ashamed to admit that we have almost given up on him, and yet we continue to pray for him and hope for a miracle like unto Alma the Younger. His current girlfriend, who has also been on drugs, and her children want to change and join the Church. Their desire, the girlfriend says, is due to our examples. They want to be part of our family, but our son is jealous of their attention to us, and he will not support their decision.

I understand a little about the alcoholic mind. I am an ex-alcoholic. But with God's help. I am past that problem, and I keep my temple covenants. The gospel gives me strength. I just wish I could convince my son that you can do anything with the Lord on your side. Thanks for your articles.

Venting Mom

Dear Venting Mom,

Isn't it wonderful that God never gives up on any of us? Obviously, he found you and saved you miraculously. He is certainly capable of doing the same for your son and his girlfriend. Your working with him is teaching you the next skill on the path to exaltation: how to become a savior on Mount Zion . Because gaining the skill of redemption is what we want, God is giving us invaluable training in mortality.  

Your situation is not curse; it is a trust.   If you had been called to be the Young Women's president, and had several girls who were wayward, you would be concerned, but you would not take their choice of waywardness personally. You would realize that you had been called of God at this very time for this very situation--it is a trust. Because you would have that perspective, although you might feel overwhelmed, you would know that Heavenly Father prepares and qualifies those whom he calls. Knowing that you are participating in his plan of salvation for these girls, rather than having to invent a plan of salvation, would give you the courage to move forward. Now you would know that sanctifying yourself so that you would have increased spiritual power is the key to working with these girls.  

Parents should feel the same way. We have a trust; we were prepared for and will be strengthened to accomplish that trust. We don't have to create a plan; we simply need to increase our spiritual capacity to better participate in God's plan, as he reveals it to us. Here is our mantra:   Every effort we put forth to sanctify ourselves has a redeeming effect on those for whom we are praying.   Despite your misgivings, you are probably doing better than you think, and changes might be happening in your son that you do not readily perceive. I suggest that you try praying with a specific purpose, then infuse spiritual power into those prayers by increasing your personal sanctification (more temple attendance, fasting, service, etc.). The specific purpose is to ask for in prayer is a "conversion opportunity" to be presented to your son. Don't dictate the terms, but ask for something to happen that gives your son a chance to rethink his position and hopefully choose otherwise. Be patient and persistent then see what happens.

Thanks for writing to me.

Larry

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Dear Larry,

You asked for stories. Here is ours.

Beth (name changed) is the fifth of our six children. When I was pregnant, the Spirit whispered to me that my husband and I were receiving her from the Lord for a reason. She needed “seasoned parents.” When I was two months along, I sensed that this girl was going to be feisty. I was not disappointed.

When Beth was four years old, I was trying to teach her some simple chores. With an attitude, she put her little hands on her hips and said, “Mom, I wasn't made for work!” That gave me a hint about what I was in for. On Sunday, when she was eleven, she was walking the halls of Primary, and suddenly she turned to me and said she didn't want to go to the celestial kingdom. She said that when she turned eighteen she was going to move out and never be a Mormon again. She was good for her word. She was less active throughout her teenage years. She began using self-destructive talk, and we tried to take her to a counselor, but she refused.

When she turned nineteen, she moved out, and by that time, it was a blessing for all of us. Actually, being on her own helped her in some ways. Nevertheless, many of her choices hurt us badly. Through it all, my husband and I focused our attention on maintaining a good relationship with her. I drew strength from the Book of Mormon, which acted like a Liahona in my life, telling me the next step in our relationship. The wonderful book helped me to change my attitude toward Beth. I no longer saw her as a problem child, but rather a wonderful gift that brought me closer to God. Beth began meeting guys on the Internet, which scared my husband and me. Eventually, she met a man not of our faith who truly loved her, and they married.

Now comes the miracle. A few years ago, in a conference talk, an apostle promised senior couples that if they would serve a mission, their wayward children would be blessed. My husband and I accepted that challenge, and we served a mission. While we were gone, Beth was trying to conceive but without success. It was doubtful anyway. During all her promiscuous years, when she seldom took precautions, she never got pregnant. Now she wanted a baby, but nothing was happening. Until the month after we had left on our mission! Suddenly, Beth had a reason to stop drinking and smoking. Her husband stopped, too. She stopped drinking coffee and other caffeine drinks—all because of the baby.

After the child was born, the doctor prescribed heavy-duty pain killers, and she became addicted. One night, she called us in distress. She wanted us to help her get in touch with the bishop because she was “sick” and wanted a blessing. She had not slept in four days, and her life was unraveling. This opened a door. Over the next few weeks, while she was detoxing, she read the Book of Mormon and prayed. These were the only things that helped her get through the ordeal.

Within a month, she read the entire Book of Mormon. She would call us with insightful questions, which proved that she was really absorbing the message. Then she read The Miracle of Forgiveness and the Doctrine and Covenants. Now she is working on the Old and New Testaments. She continues to meet with the bishop, and she and her husband are attending church. HE is even taking the missionary lessons!

My husband and I returned from our mission recently. Beth and her husband continue to go to church. We can't believe the miracle that is happening right before our eyes. But when I hear the cheerfulness in Beth's voice, it makes the last thirteen years of fasting, praying and serving a mission worth the price. Recently she told us, “Mom and Dad, you taught me right. It just took a little longer to sink in.”

I appreciate your saying in your article that the evil one knows who to attack—our young and vulnerable ones. Beth's patriarchal blessing says just that: because of her valiance in the defense of agency in the premortal existence, Satan would single her out and try to destroy her. The subject of agency has always been important to her, but it just took awhile for her to exercise agency correctly.

I can testify that God is a God of miracles, and he keeps his promises…on his time schedule.

A mother who witnessed a miracle

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Invitation

I invite you to share your stories (anonymously). Whether you are at the beginning or end of your journey, I would love to hear from you. I assure you that you are not alone, and absolutely there is an answer. Contact me through Meridian Magazine or at lbarkdull@gmail.com.