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Just Hold Me
By Don Staheli
One of the great western dramas is
a wonderful film entitled Shane, starring Alan Ladd as a
handsome, charming gunfighter in hopes of finding a life without
violence. This was not an easy task in the wild west of Hollywood.
The results are quite predictable, but the story makes for a good
movie anyway.
Running almost unnoticed in the story
is an interesting subplot regarding Shane and the wife of the homesteader
for whom he is working. Shane seems to be a source of some fascination
for the woman, who has very little excitement in her life of toil
and hardship. Her down-to-earth and faithful character is somewhat
compromised for a time as she allows her feelings to wander and
develops a little crush on the alluring stranger.
In one scene, she and Shane are alone
in the main room of the cabin. Her husband and son have gone off
to prepare for bed. She stands close to Shane, who is seated at
the table, and they share a tender moment. Just then the boy calls,
and the woman leaves the room with the expectation of a quick return.
When she comes back, Shane has left, and the distracted farmer's
wife stands gazing dreamily out the doorway after this intriguing
man.
Quickly the door of the bedroom opens
and the homesteader sees his wife looking at their retreating guest.
Somewhat naively, the farmer says to his wife, "What's the
matter, honey?" The good woman turns and almost runs back to
reality and the solid safety to be found in the arms of her noble
husband. "Hold me," she implores. "Don't say anything,
just hold me — tight."
It is easy in the often routine and
occasionally dull exercise of everyday life to long for something
more exciting and stimulating. Every now and then a person, place,
or thing crops up that looks more appealing than that with which
we are so familiar. Well-submerged hopes and desires bubble to the
surface, and feelings of longing may tug at our hearts: the sports
car we have always wanted, the six-figure income that has eluded
us, or perhaps even a person other than our spouse who seems to
fit the dream mold we created in our youthful mind.
Any of these and many other things
can send forth a siren song that lifts us off our feet and into
the netherworld of fantasy and spellbinding separation from the
mundane reality of regular existence.
There is nothing inherently wrong with
hopes and dreams and wishes. They should be pursued to their reasonable
ends. But there comes a time in our reverie when it may be vital
to turn and almost run to the arms of someone or something real
that will bring us back to the ground.
It can be very dangerous to follow
our fantasies down a path of thoughtless quest, ignoring the possible
consequences of our behavior. Much trauma can be inflicted on ourselves
and upon those who see our folly but fail to open our eyes before
the painful rude awakening jerks us back to our senses. Sadly, sometimes
the damage is so complete that return to former safe havens becomes
impossible.
I recall working with a man who was
nearly suicidal because of ongoing serious money problems. He was
not a bad fellow, but he was understandably failing to make a living
selling lawn-care services in snowy January.
We talked about his financial situation
and I asked what kind of car he drove. "Oh," he said with
pride, "I drive a beautiful new (such-and-such). It's just
the car I've always wanted." It turned out he was going in
the hole each month almost exactly the amount of the payment on
his dream car. Meanwhile, his children had a dysfunctional dad and
his wife was forced to fend off the bill collectors. He needed grounding.
All too common are the tragic circumstances
of good family men and women who tire of the run-of-the-mill, often
unheralded work of bringing home the bacon and raising the youngsters
who eat it. Like the homesteader's wife in Shane, they gaze
longingly after what appears to be the retreating possibility for
a truly happy life.
Then comes the destroyer disguised
as the wonderful opportunity they have been waiting for. The chance
of a lifetime in a risky business proposition. An investment that's
sure to pay off in a big way. Or, perhaps most dangerous of all,
a friend of the opposite gender in whom they can really confide
— finally, someone who understands their deepest feelings.
Unwilling to listen to reason or even
to the pleadings of anxious loved ones, feet just above the ground,
they drift in blissful fantasy, thinking only of their need to finally
achieve a "well-deserved" measure of happiness. At such
a time they can be so duped by selfish desire that it is nearly
impossible to foresee the consequences of this headlong pursuit
of what they think they want. Financial ruin is a frequent result.
Or a potentially happy family can quickly become a disillusioned
former companion and broken-hearted children floating like the wreckage
of what started out as an unsinkable vessel.
It is wonderful to see people who have
a dream and go for it with passion, confidence, and unwavering determination.
Tremendous personal growth and meaningful contribution can be realized
by those who are willing to give the extra effort or walk the narrow
path that is dictated by their dreams. But the most successful of
them also realize that they may be limited by vows and restrained
by responsibilities that are not subject to honest abandonment.
One of the great revelations of my
life was the powerful realization that I would rarely go wrong if
I just listened to my wife. She has been the great grounding influence
in my life. We might also turn for guidance to some other trusted
person, to the sacred or secular writings of inspiring authors,
or simply to a quiet hour of meditative self-appraisal. Each of
these can provide an immovable fixed point by which we can navigate.
If we do so, certain opportunities may have to be foregone, but
we will probably never feel any lasting remorse for the decisions
we make.
In the end, Shane rode off into the
sunset (actually the sunrise), and the farmer's wife remained with
her devoted companion. She may have wistfully wondered what life
would have been like with the man in buckskin, but I believe that
when she heard the happy footsteps of her children and shared a
moment with her husband as they surveyed the land they had worked
so hard to tame, she was brought back to earth and felt the great
joy of a wholesome normalcy. What a gift is grounding!
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Magazine. All Rights Reserved.
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