Staying Spotless
in a Sea of Slime - Part 6: Whom Can You Trust on the Internet?
by
Kathryn H. and Clark L. Kidd
Emphasize
to your children that they cannot always believe everything they
learn about the people they will meet online. People can lie about
their age, their sex, their marital status, and just about anything
else.
The last couple
of columns in this series have given some very basic advice for
parents who are interested in protecting their children from online
predators. These columns have generated a few annoyed letters from
readers who tell us these precautions are not necessary. Invariably
the writers tell us how they haven't followed those rules, and they
haven't been targeted for scams or stalked by predators. Nor have
they become embroiled in online pornography.
What they say
is true. People don't have to follow our suggestions to keep their
families safe from dangers that lurk on the Internet. Indeed, we
ourselves don't follow all our own advice. We selected our screen
identities many years before the advent of online predators, so
we use our own names as screen names. This flies in the face of
our suggestions - and indeed, it flies in the face of common sense
- but we have never suffered any ill effects beyond being sent an
occasional obscene instant message from a stranger.
By the same
token, Kathy does just about all her shopping over the Internet
and has never had a bad experience. But a friend of ours has tried
twice to make a purchase online, and was cheated both times. In
one case her credit card information was stolen, and months of chaos
ensued. Horrible things happen on the Internet, just as they do
on city streets after dark. But they don't happen to everybody.
If you haven't followed the rules and haven't gotten into trouble,
it doesn't mean the rules are unnecessary; it simply means you've
been lucky so far.
The guidelines
we have given are just guidelines. Individuals must decide for themselves
which rules to adopt for them and their families. Choose the wheat,
and discard the chaff. If you don't have any small children, your
online precautions will certainly be different from those who are
parents of young families. The same is true for experienced computer
users, who - unlike novices - know which rules can be bent and how
to do it. Use common sense when developing rules to safeguard your
family. Most of the time the precautions you take won't even be
necessary. But the reason you wear a seatbelt is for the one trip
in a thousand when wearing a seatbelt would save your life.
Although the
advice we have given in previous columns seems elementary to many
adult readers, children are not as sophisticated as their parents
are. Children are naturally trusting - and this goes double for
children who have been raised in a loving home. If you are a parent
who has surrounded your children with love and security, your children
aren't used to being lied to or taken advantage of. This makes them
extremely vulnerable to predators who want to steal their innocence
or your money. Daily newspapers are all too full of stories about
children and young adults who trusted strangers they found online
and then met with tragedy.
Constantly emphasize
to your children that they cannot always believe everything they
learn about the people they will meet online. People can lie about
their age, their sex, their marital status, and just about anything
else. The six-year old girl who is a pen pal with your daughter
might in reality be a 40-year old divorced man who gets his thrills
by talking to young girls. Some people exaggerate their attributes
while online, or tell minor lies. For example, a 35-year old married
man might say that he is five years younger and single. A more dangerous
type is the person who takes on a completely different persona while
online. Often a predator will develop elaborate characters, and
then play one role or another in order to deceive a particular child
or even an unsuspecting adult.
Fortunately,
most people have a small circle of online friends they regularly
contact. These are often the same people they interact with in person,
such as relatives and friends at school. If you are a parent, allowing
your children access to these people should usually present no problem.
You should become involved when a child is establishing a new friendship
with someone he has never met in person. Keep a close eye on the
relationship, until you're convinced the new friend is really a
sheep and not a wolf.
This is a difficult
principle to teach, because it probably goes against everything
you want your children to be. Parents usually want their children
to be outgoing and willing to trust and help others. But just as
you must teach your children to be wary of strangers in cars, you
must also teach them to be careful of strangers online. This does
not mean they have to be rude - just cautious. All communications
with strangers should be brief and unrevealing, at least until you
are convinced that the person represents no threat. Children should
always be taught to consult with their parents when they start responding
to communications from a stranger, and they should be reassured
that they don't "have" to answer an email or an instant message
just because it appears on the computer screen.
But don't put
the entire burden of keeping your children safe on your children's
shoulders. Most Internet software has some sort of filtering option
that will allow parents to choose their children's email correspondents
or instant message "buddies." We will talk more about parental control
options in a future column.
Although the
most tragic consequences of Internet crime come from sexual predators,
financial opportunists also abound. There are strangers who are
looking for your financial information, in order to steal your money
and ruin your credit rating. Even if you don't give that information
to strangers, your children may be enticed to do so unless you warn
them beforehand.
This is a rerun,
but it bears repeating. Teach all family members to be suspicious
of any request for personal information, especially if the request
comes to you unsolicited. A couple of years ago, many America Online
subscribers started receiving e-mails from people who claimed to
be America Online employees. These e-mails claimed that in order
to solve a system problem, the employee needed to know the recipient's
password immediately. Sometimes the letters said that if the password
weren't given within two minutes of receipt of the letter, the member's
account would be canceled. This scam became so prevalent that warnings
appeared on many screens to tell users that real employees would
never ask for their password, nor would they ever contact a customer
unsolicited. If you ever receive a similar request, not only should
you ignore the message, but you should also report the incident
to your service provider.
Online thieves
are even more sophisticated today. They can design email that looks
real, and that can deceive the most jaded computer user. The day
before this column was written, Kathy received an email that told
her she had won a laptop computer. The letter purported to be from
The Sharper Image, and the hook was that The Sharper Image had recently
developed a link with America Online and was giving away 100 laptop
computers to celebrate the merger. Kathy's name had allegedly been
chosen at random for one of the prizes. All she had to do was follow
a link and claim her computer, which would be delivered to her home
immediately. It all made sense. Kathy has purchased online from
The Sharper Image, and would be in the company's database. She also
subscribes to America Online. The letter was a scam, but it was
designed in such a way that it would have deceived many adults.
If such a scam can deceive an adult, it can certainly trick an unwary
child.
Children should
always contact their parents when they wish to purchase something
from an online store, and parents themselves should also exercise
caution when spending money online. Despite what most people think,
the real danger is not in getting your credit card number stolen.
Most online businesses support "secure transactions" that scramble
any data you send and then unscramble it on the other end. Leaving
a carbon copy of a charge slip on a restaurant table probably exposes
you to more of a threat than using a secure online transaction.
But because our unlucky friend had her credit rating trashed by
an unscrupulous online merchant, we know it happens.
The biggest
risk from online commerce comes from dealing with companies that
may not be honest. You should make sure you know something about
the company you are using, and make sure it has a good reputation.
Use only online businesses that were recommended by friends or other
sources that you trust. And you may want to set aside one charge
card to be used for all your online transactions, so that if something
bad happens you won't have put all your eggs in that one Internet
basket.
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