The Meridian Family Value for the Month:  Self-Reliance and Potential
In Connection with Richard and Linda Eyre

As most Meridian readers know, Meridian Magazine, in collaboration with Linda and Richard Eyre, presents a specific and particular value each month, complete with methods for teaching that value to each age group of children. As is the pattern each month, we begin October with an overview article that re-introduced this month's value. (The value of Self Reliance and Potential was first introduced a year ago as the October Value and it now repeats itself, on the premise that children who are a year older will re-learn the same value but on a different level each year.)  Click here to read the explanatory article that started this second year of monthly values.

Meridian readers can also send in their own thoughts and ideas on the value of the month. Just click the feedback button (Eyres@Meridianmagazine.com) and send in ideas that have worked for you in teaching your child the value of the month. Your idea will then be incorporated into the follow up article that goes live on Meridian during the second half of each month
    
Any time during the month, you can click on the "family value of the month" icon on the left side of the Meridian home page and go directly to the teaching ideas for the month. You can also get additional teaching ideas for teaching and communicating the value of the month by going to http://www.valuesparenting.com/ .

What wouldn't we give as parents to inject a little more self-reliance into our kids!  It's the value that will one day allow them to make it on their own!  And it is the value that would take some of the pressure off of us as parents as kids assume a little more responsibility for themselves and become a little more motivated to work toward their full potential.

“Self-Reliance and Potential,” as we have called it, is a powerful value. Those who have it help others by accepting responsibility and doing their best in the world. Those who don’t have it hurt others by blaming them and by failing to develop the gifts and talents that could serve or enlighten or benefit other people. One who reaches his potential helps others in many ways as he develops himself. One who never seeks his full potential indirectly hurts others by not doing the good or setting the example he is capable of.

This value is about trying to know ourselves, to do our best, and to accept the consequences both of who we are and of what we do.

One way to think of self-reliance and potential is as two sides of the same coin. Self-reliance has a lot to do with taking the blame or the responsibility for negative things that happen. Potential has a lot to do with taking a little credit and taking the right kind of pride in what we are able to become and what we are able to accomplish. 

When we take blame and responsibility, we resolve and grow and improve. When we don’t, we become bitter, jealous, and defensive. When we take positive pride in what we’re doing with ourselves and our gifts, we feel the growth of individuality and self-esteem.  When we don’t, we tend to become followers of plodders in the standard ruts of life.

Here are a few of our favorite "general" ideas for teaching this value (more specifics coming later in the month, including YOUR ideas which we invite you to e mail to us at Eyres@Meridianmagazine.com

Set up an "earning system" instead of an allowance.  Get a pegboard or a star chart and set up two or three things each child is supposed to do each day (this could include a chore, homework, music practice, and so on).  Have kids keep track of how many of their "tasks" they accomplished each day, and pay them accordingly on Saturday.  Make it possible for them to earn enough money to start buying their own games, toys, and other personal effects, and teach them to save a certain percentage of whatever they ear.

Talk about this value, and use yourself as an example.  Show your children that you “value this value” and that you work for it. Take every opportunity to show your children how you are trying to be more self-reliant.  Use the term a lot.  Point out self reliance when you see it in other persons, in nature, and even on TV.

Talk about the things you think you’re good at and working to become better at and use the word "potential" often.  Say things like "I don't think I'm reaching my full potential on reading this book I have by my bedside.  How do you think I can do better at reading it?"

Show pleasure in things you do well. Say "I really enjoy gardening, and right now the flowers look really good don't they!"  Also, be obvious about taking the blame for mistakes you make. Say, “You know, that was my fault. Here’s what I could have done differently …”

Let your children see that you can accept responsibility and blame and let them see that you take pride in who you are and that you are working on to improve.

Watch your children. Try to recognize their gifts and help them develop their unique individuality. We must recognize potential before we can reach it. Children are not interchangeable lumps of clay that can be molded into whatever we please. Rather, they are seedlings that have their own separate and distinct gifts and potentials. We can never change an oak into a pear tree. But we can watch and recognize as early as possible who they are — and then nourish and encourage them to be the best of whatever they are. As parents we must consciously commit ourselves to finding out who our children truly and deeply are rather than trying to conform them  to who and what we wish they were or to extensions of our own egos.

It is tragic that, despite our professing that our children are our highest priority, the average parent spends only seven minutes per day with an individual child.

Praise.  Reinforce your children’s self-image and individuality and build their confidence — that is required for self-reliance. Like flowers under rain and sunshine, children blossom and bloom under recognition and praise. “Catch them doing something good,” and when you do, give effusive praise! When they make mistakes or fall short, help them accept responsibility for it and ten praise that acceptance to the point that their pride in their self-reliance outshines their concern over the shortcoming.

We’ll be back in a couple of weeks with a recap of YOUR inputs on this value.  Remember to send any ideas you have for teaching self reliance and potential to kids.  We are especially interested in some age-specific teaching methods for preschoolers, elementary age, and adolescents. Email your teaching ideas (or anything that has helped in your family) to Eyres@Meridianmagazine.com.  And remember to visit us anytime at www.valuesparenting.com.