The Role-Playing Game

This game gives small children some grasp of why respect should be shown. You play the role of the child and let the child play the other roles. Act each out. Then ask, “How does that make you feel?”

• Child says, “Thank you very much” when Grandpa gives him some candy.
• Grass begins to die (child plays grass) because child stomps on it instead of walking on sidewalk.
• Children are noisy in class while teacher is trying to teach.
• Child pushes himself in front of an older lady at the checkout stand in the grocery store.
• Child holds his mother’s chair as they sit down to eat and then says, “Thanks for this nice dinner, Mom.”
• Child is noisy in church and the lady next to him can’t hear the service.
• Child keeps interrupting his mother while she is trying to talk to a friend who has stopped by.

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One summer we were fortunate enough to take all of the children on a trip to the Grand Canyon and some of the natural wonders of the Southwest. As we stood on one of the vistas and gazed at the incredible majesty of canyon and rock, our eight-year-old said, “You know, Mom, kids use the word awesome a lot, but this, now this really is awesome!”
           

We sat on that rocky point for quite a while talking about the earth’s majesty and about the respect we should have for the earth, for nature, and for the forces that created them.

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Methods for Elementary School Age

The “Who and How” Game

This helps children plan to be respectful. Set up a chart, perhaps on a large poster board, looking something like this:

RESPECT CHART

WHO	HOW
Mother	Obey her Talk respectfully
Nature
Self
Etc.
Etc.

Using the left-hand column, ask children to list the categories of people and things that deserve respect. As you list them one at a time, discuss how respect for that person or thing can be effectively given. (E.g., for “Mother”: by “answering respectfully,” “by obeying her,” “showing appreciation for what she does,” “opening door,” “holding her chair,” etc. For “Nature”: by “preserving and protecting,” “clearing and cultivating,” etc. For “Self”: by “avoiding self-criticism,” “thinking about positive attributes,” etc.) Keep the list building as long as you can keep children’s interest.

Methods for Adolescents

Insult List

Point out the damage and danger of talking negatively to and about yourself. This teaches the practice of self-respect. Take a blank sheet of paper and ask kids to think about names they have called themselves or insults they have said or thought about themselves. Approach it lightheartedly and with a little humor. Get it started by listing some things you have called yourself “stupid,” “jerk,” “klutz,” “forgetful boob,” “idiot”) or sarcastic things you have said to yourself (“Oh, that’s really nice,” “Great shot, dummy,” etc.)

When you have a substantial list, turn serious and say, “How would you feel if a friend or peer said those things to you?” Point out that deep down in our subconscious our own self-criticism is probably at least as harmful as the same words coming from someone else.

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One advantage (or one penalty, according to how you look at it) of a large family like ours is that there seems to be a personality of virtually every type!

Our Jonah, to both his credit and his detriment, is a perfectionist. This quality causes him to be motivated and self-reliant, but it also causes him to worry and to be highly self-critical. From the time that he was a small preschooler, I can recall him murmuring to himself about how slow he was, how no one would like what he’d done, how badly he had messed something up.

One week Richard tried to make a note of every negative or critical thing Richard heard him say about himself. By the end of the week he had about a dozen. Richard wrote them on a list and sat down with nine-year-old Jonah. “Son, here is a list of some names I heard a person call someone. Pretty bad, aren’t they? What do you think a person should do if someone called him these names?”

“I don’t know — tell him to stop I guess.”

“Right!” Richard said. “I agree. He should tell the person to stop. Now, guess who this person was and guess who he was calling by these names?”

After a couple of hints Jonah guessed that he was both the person calling the names and the person being called the names.

We went on to discuss the importance of showing respect for self.