Week
4 of January: Loyalty and Dependability
In Connection with Richard and Linda
Eyre
Editor’s Note: This month the Meridian Family Value of the month is Loyalty and Dependability. Click here to read the beginning of the month’s overview article). Each week during the month we will post an update in Meridian, illustrating a couple of the Eyres’ favorite methods for teaching this important value to each age group. Remember that you can also go to www.valuesparenting.com for still more ideas and teaching methods. Thanks for your interest and participation. There are tens of thousands of parents concentrating on this value this month. Strength in numbers!
Methods
for Preschoolers
Ask Small Children to Do Things Instead of Telling Them
You’ll obtain their answer, which you can use to teach dependability. When children are told to do something, they can learn and practice only the principle of obedience. But when small children are asked to do something in a firm but respectful way, they can learn both obedience and dependability.
Children actually say no, complain, and make excuses more when they are asked. Use the word please, and let them know that you expect a yes. That yes then becomes a commitment to which you can tie the principle of dependability… of going what you say you will do.
“Starting Over”
Give your children second chances to be dependable. When small children fail to do something they’ve said they will do, say, “Let’s start over and do this right. Let’s be dependable. Let’s pretend I’ve never asked you to do that. Now I’m going to ask you — and let’s see what you do.”
Methods for Elementary School Age
Dependability and Loyalty Awards
Recognize children who do well at being dependable and loyal. Have Dependability and Loyalty awards. As usual with the awards, pick a Sunday dinner (or whatever time you choose) and ask, “Who had an experience this past week in which they were loyal?” Do the same with dependability. Give liberal encouragement and praise. Also give your own personal examples and enter the competition yourself.
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A friend of ours has always been particularly loyal to and supportive of his children. One of his boys was good enough to make the community youth football team, but not good enouh to play very much. As he spent most of the season on the bench, his father was always in the stands or on the sidelines, rarely missing a game.
One day as they drove home after another game in which the boy had not played. The son said to the father, “Dad, you don’t have to keep coming — I hardly ever get to play anyway.”
The father responded, “Son, do you think I come to the games just to see you play? I come because I want to be with you. It doesn’t matter to me how much you play. If you are on the bench, I still want to be there giving you my support.
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Variable Awards
Reward children for dependability — and increase that reward when dependability comes without reminders. In connection with assigning children family jobs and attaching financial rewards to them, try telling them that there are two levels of rewards and they can choose (in advance) the one they want. The highest level (most money) is for doing their job without being asked or reminded. The risk is that they will forget and thus get nothing. The second level offers less money, but with it you will remind them if they forget. Let them choose whichever “scheme” they wish for each week.
Methods for Adolescents
Pass it On
Case studies can help adolescents see the far-reaching effects of dependability. For example, Jim has won a part in the church play and committed himself to be at practices on Tuesdays and Thursdays. He is studying with a friend, loses track of time, and misses a key practice. Who is affected? (Others in the play, who can’t rehearse their lines without his. The director, who has to shift things around. Ultimately the audience who may see a less professional play.) Think of other examples.