Week 2 of January:  Loyalty and Dependability
In Connection with Richard and Linda Eyre

Editor’s Note:  This month the Meridian Family Value of the month is Loyalty and Dependability.  Click here to read last week’s overview article). Each week during the month we will post an update in Meridian, illustrating a couple of the Eyres’ favorite methods for teaching this important value to each age group.  Remember that you can also go to www.valuesparenting.com for still more ideas and teaching methods.  Thanks for your interest and participation.  There are tens of thousands of parents concentrating on this value this month.  Strength in numbers!

Methods for Preschoolers

Lassie’s Story

Use the following story to introduce the terms loyalty and dependability to small children; enhance and embellish the simplified story with your own goals:

Billy lived on a big farm with lots of space, so his parents let him have a dog. He called his dog Lassie. Whenever Billy called Lassie’s name, the dog would come, and whenever Billy held out his hand, Lassie would put up his paw for a shake. You could depend on Lassie to do these things. Lassie was a dependable dog.

Almost everywhere Billy went, Lassie followed. At night Lassie slept at the bottom of Billy’s bed. If Billy ever got in any trouble, Lassie was there to help. Lassie was loyal because he cared about Billy and was always there when he needed him.

One day Billy wandered into a field where a big bull lived. The bull charged toward Billy. Billy called as loud as he could for his loyal dog who was close by. He knew he could depend on him. Lassie rushed into the field and barked at the bull. The bull turned around and went back to eat his grass.

Family Traditions, Mottoes, Slogans and So On

These can help small children feel the security of belonging to a strong family, to an institution for which they can feel loyalty. Develop a simple family slogan and motto and say them together every day for a while. Later, say them often enough that the children don’t forget. Create simple family traditions (often built around holidays or birthdays) that you repeat year after year. Have an ongoing family tradition of supporting other family members in their activities (attend games, performances, etc).

Methods for Elementary School Age

The Synonyms and Antonyms Game

This game will help lat elementary school or early-adolescent children eb clear in their understanding of both loyalty and dependability. Simple ask, “What are some synonyms or close synonyms for dependability?” (reliability, trustworthiness, consistency, predictability, etc.). “For loyalty?” (to stand up for, to be part of, to be true to). “What are some antonyms or near antonyms for dependable?” (can’t be counted on, unpredictable). “For loyal?” (uncommitted, traitor, spy, our for oneself). Then discuss how dependability and loyalty help people and how their opposites hurt people.

Discussion

Help your children see the concepts more clearly and become comfortable thinking abou them. Ask them what or who they could be loyal to (country, church, school, employer, friends, family, etc.). Then ask them who should be able to depend on them (parents, teachers, friends, employers, etc.).

The True-and-False Loyalty Discussion

This is a good way to help children see the difference between loyalty and “not ratting.” Explain that some children get the idea that loyalty to friends means “not telling on them” or “keeping quiet” or even lying to protect them. This if “false loyalty.” Explain that if someone ahs done something wrong, a truly loyal friend would try to get him to admit it, and if that didn’t work, he would tell someone. If neither happens, the friend will probably keep doing wrong and get in more serious trouble.

Methods for Adolescents

The Three-Part Discussion

This will expand adolescents’ understanding and build their desire for dependability and loyalty.

• Go through the “Synonyms and Antonyms Game” and the discussion from the elementary age section to fix definitions in children’s minds.
• Then ask, “What is the difference between dependability and loyalty?” while they have many similar and overlapping aspects, dependability is especially concerned with doing what one says he will do — keeping commitments and being reliable. Loyalty includes being dependable but also implies support, service, and contribution to the person or thing to which loyalty is given.
• Cautions on both: Ask what one has to be careful about in string to live by these two principles. Dependability: be careful not to make commitments you can’t keep or to make more (too many) commitments than you can keep. Part of being dependable is to carefully choose commitments and then make them totally. Loyalty: first, be careful and cautious about giving loyalty. Don’t give loyalty to too many things. Save deepest loyalty for deepest loves. Second never confuse loyalty with “not ratting on someone” (see above).