January’s Family Value
— Loyalty and Dependability
In Connection
with Richard and Linda Eyre
Editor’s Note: Welcome to the Value
of Loyalty and Dependability — the Meridian Family Value for January.
As many Meridian readers know, Meridian Magazine, in collaboration with Linda
and Richard Eyre, presents a specific and particular value each month, complete
with methods for teaching each age group of children. At the first of the
month there is an overview article (like this one) and then each week there
are follow up bulletins with additional ideas and teaching methods for specific
age groups. Meridian readers can also send in their own thoughts and ideas
on the value of the month click
here to read the explanatory article that started this series.
Any time during the month, you can click on the “family value of the month”
icon on the Meridian
home page and go directly to the teaching ideas for the month. You can also
get additional teaching ideas for the value of the month by going to http://www.valuesparenting.com/.
The value for the month of January is Loyalty and Dependability. This value is defined as: Loyalty to family, to employers, to country, church, schools, and other organizations in which commitments are made. Support, service, contribution. Reliability and consistency in doing what you say you will do.
Introductory Stories:
Our two adolescent daughters learned and then put into practice a simple lesson on loyalty one week. They had planned a surprise farewell party in our home for one of their friends, who was moving out of the area with her family. On the day of the party three of the girls who had accepted invitations called and, with very flimsy excuses, said they would not be able to come. Our girls, who had decorated and planned for the party for some time, were first disappointed, then a little angry. “They just had something better come up,” one daughter complained. “Now we won’t have enough people to play some of the games.” “It’s inconsiderate,” said the other daughter. “In fact, it’s rude and disloyal and undependable.”
Later that week they got invited to a party — one that they very much wanted to attend. But the party was on the night of the regular meeting and rehearsal of an organization they belonged to, which was preparing for a production. There was no question about where they would have rather gone — but there was also no question about the loyal and dependable thing to do.
Little teaching opportunities like this come along all the time — situations that involve loyalty and dependability. But be careful, sometimes your own kids’ loyalty can lead to trouble, like the time when we were hosting a weekly national cable TV show on families and parenting. Sometimes our children tune in at home. When we first began the show, this “loyal watching” was almost our undoing. On the second or third show we did, we had a question from a woman in the studio audience about how to stop her two boys from fighting so much. In answering her, I mentioned a fight that had occurred in our house the week before, in which Talmadge had hit Noah.
When we got home that evening, the children were irate. “Mom! It wasn’t Talmadge that hit Noah! It was Josh! And it happened Wednesday, not Tuesday, and the reason he hit him was not because he left the gerbil cage open, it was because he took the gerbil our and it got mixed up with one of his gerbils and…”
Ever since, we’ve been much more careful about the accuracy of any story we relate — because we know that several loyal little critics are listing to our every word!
General Guidelines:
Highlight your own dependability. Make your children aware of your own example. Parents do things every day that illustrate their loyalty to their children and that exemplify dependability in the home setting. But so many of these things are so automatic that they are seldom noticed and seldom used as visible examples of this important moral value.
Instead of saying, “I’ll pick you up after school,” say, “I’ll be there at three thirty — you can count on it!”
Instead of just going to a child’s soccer game or music recital, say, “I’ll be there no matter how busy I am because I want to be with you and support what you do!”
Tell children more often that you will always be there for them, that they can depend on you, that you’ll be behind them in hard times. Take credit for your dependability and loyalty, because it is the best way to instill the same qualities into your children.
Thank children and praise them for every evidence of their own dependability. Reinforce the value and show them how often it can be used. Thank you children when they are on time for dinner or when they support or help a smaller brother or sister. Praise them when they finish an assignment or task. Work hard this month at never taking for granted any act of evidence of dependability or loyalty.
Watch for illustrations or "case studies" of loyalty or dependability (or the lack of it) in your everyday life, and in the lives of your kids, and in TV shows or movies, and in stories or books, and in the news. Ask kids what they think. Use the words "loyalty" and "dependability" as often as you can fit it into conversation. Make them aware that loyalty and dependability can be a part of everyday life, and that when it is there, it makes life better.
See you next Week
This is a value that has a lot of very workable and specific teaching methods. Join us every week right here in this Meridian Column for teaching techniques for pre-schoolers, elementary agers, and teens. And remember, your own example is the best teaching method of all!