Week 3 of November: Self Discipline and Moderation
In Connection with Richard and Linda Eyre

Editor’s Note:  This month the Meridian Family Value of the month is Self Discipline and Moderation (click here to read last week’s overview article). Each week during the month we will post an update in Meridian, illustrating a couple of the Eyres’ favorite methods for teaching Self Discipline and Moderation to each age group.  Remember that you can also go to www.valuesparenting.com for still more ideas and teaching methods.  Thanks for your interest and participation.  There are tens of thousands of parents concentrating on this value this month.  Strength in numbers!

Methods for Preschoolers

Work before Play

This is a good way to teach small children the beginnings of self-discipline. Assign a small, simple family job to three- or four-year-olds (e.g., turn off the upstairs lights, push the kitchen chairs in after breakfast, feed the dog). Insist that they do their job before they play or watch TV, and so on. Then praise them for doing the job, explain that it really helps you out, and begin to define discipline by telling them, “Discipline is when you are strong enough to make yourself do what you should.”

Methods for Elementary School Age

The Work-Before-Play or W.B.P. Award

Give recognition and emphasis to self-discipline. As with each of the other “awards,” ask (at Sunday dinner), “Who’s in the running for the W.B.P. Award?” help children think of times during the past week when  they did homework before friends came over or did their jobs before going out to play. Be in the running yourself by telling instances where you did what needed to be done before doing what you wanted to do. Discuss how much more you can enjoy playing if you’ve done the work first.

We have also tried an S.W.N.D. (“See what needs to be done”) Award to encourage children to look around and do things without being asked.

If you have temper problems in  your family, design another  “control” or “ten” (for “count to ten”) award, and discuss it and give it out in the same way on Sunday for the week just passed.

Delay Gratification

Help your children understand the discipline, and pleasure, of waiting for and anticipating something. One of the tendencies that works so strongly against discipline is giving children too much and making it too easy for them to get what they want. Work out a “save up” program for children who want a new bike or a new toy.  Help them discipline themselves to shop for the best price and to set a goal by which time they hope to have the item. Help them see how the discipline of planning and saving and waiting will bring results that impulsiveness and “splurging” would destroy.

Methods for Adolescents

Fasting

This can teach physical discipline and help your child gain experience in an elementary form of putting the mind in charge of the body. Pick a non-school day, perhaps a Sunday, and agree to fast as a family for twenty-four hours (dinner to dinner). Children will usually agree to this as a challenge and an experiment. Use the fast to discuss how two-thirds of the earth’s population feels every day (hungry), but particularly use it as an occasion to discuss the good feeling that comes from disciplining appetites. Point out that with any appetite the body will tell you to indulge, but the mind can override the body and the emotions. Such an override is a good definition of discipline.

Getting Up Early

This habit gives children an opportunity to feel the satisfaction of “mind over mattress” and gives parents another opportunity for praise and reinforcement. During this “month” try an early-morning “day-start” meeting where you meet for five minutes before breakfast to briefly review what each person in the family is doing that day. Set the time early enough so that you can hold a five-inute meeting and still have fifteen or twenty minutes for breakfast before the family member with the earliest schedule has to leave.

It’s interesting how different (physiologically as well as mentally and emotionally) children in the same family can be. When we stared having a brief “day-start” meeting in the mornings, a couple of our children were always there on time, while two others never showed up unless someone dragged them out of bed.

Some of us are larks, some are owls!

The two larks were always dressed and ready for school when the meetings started. For a while we pushed the owls to do likewise, but it just seemed to be too much for them.

Finally we decided to change the format to “come as you are.” Kids that were disciplined enough to be up and ready had the advantage of being able to study or practice their music after the meeting before going to school.  The two who usually came groggy and in their pajamas had to rush to get ready after breakfast.

We’ll probably always have two owls and two larks, but at least we’re learning about ourselves, and enjoying each other as we work on one type of discipline.