Week 3 of September, Peaceability
In Partnership with Richard and Linda Eyre

Editor’s Note:  This month the Meridian Family Value of the month is Peaceability (click here to read last week’s overview article). Each week during the month we will post an update in Meridian, illustrating a couple of the Eyres’ favorite methods for teaching peaceability to each age group:

Methods for Preschoolers

The Magazine Game

This game helps small children realize that it is all right to feel mad or sad, just as it is all right to feel happy or glad, but it is not all right to hurt other people or their feelings because of how we feel. Flip though magazines with a child, stopping every time a person is pictured, and asking, “How do you think he feels?” (happy, jealous, worried,  etc. — this is also a chance to each children new words and the names of new emotions.) Then say, “Is it okay to feel this way?” (Yes.) Then say, “Is it okay to be mean to someone else if you feel mad or sad? (No!)

Explain “Temper”

Give your children the vocabulary they need to talk about anger and give them a way to conceptualize why anger is dangerous and harmful. Show children a pan of cool water, have them touch it and put their fingers in it. They put it on the stove over heat. Explain that when we get mad and lose our tempers, we start getting hot. When the water is boiling say, “This is like getting angry and losing our temper — we get all bubbly and upset and we can hurt people. Would you like to touch that water now?” (No!) “So let’s try not to boil — not to get mad, not to lose our temper.”

Methods For Elementary School Age

“Technical Fouls”

This method can help sports-oriented kids see the benefits (and adopt the goal) of calm behavior. Sports-minded kids who know about technical fouls and the sign the referee gives to call one (straight, vertical, right hand hitting straight, horizontal, left hand to make a T) are quick to understand why a “player” shouldn’t loose his temper. In basketball you don’t slam the ball to the court, push someone, yell at someone, or show disrespect or temper. If you do, you are hit with a T.

Set up a system in which every time you slap a child with a “technical,” it costs him something (a small part of his allowance, etc.).

The Color Game

The color game is a good way to teach younger elementary-aged children the good consequences of peace and the bad consequences of anger and retaliation. Cut out two single figures in the human shape, one from red paper and one from some pastel color. Tell the children that the red represents temper and impatience, the pastel is control and peace. Give them a situation and let them tell you what each figure might do in each of the following situations:

• Your alarm clock doesn’t go off, so you’re going to be late for school.
• You’re playing basketball and you get called for a foul you didn’t think you committed.
• Your friend forgets to meet you for lunch.
• Your little brother flips you with a rubber band.
• Your mom says you can’t have a sleepover because there’s school tomorrow.
• The new pen you just bought won’t work.
• And so on. Think of your own, based on your own experience.

One year we were so busy in January that the Christmas tree just didn’t get taken down. On a Saturday, early in February, I finally got around to the task. As I was “undecorating,” eight-year-old Saydi walked in. “Oh, don’t take it down, Dad!”

“Saydi, it’s February, it’s got to come down.”

“But there’s such a nice feeling here when the tree is up, Dad, it’s all peaceful and warm feeling. I wish our house would feel like this all year long.”

A week or so later I bought a small artificial Christmas tree (it was on sale, since it was February). Every once in a while, when things seem hectic and strained, I set up the little tree for a day or two.

Methods for Adolescents

Story and Follow-up Discussion on the Theory of “Win-Win” Situations

This exercise will help adolescents begin to see the world not as constant competition and “win-lose,” but as a place where understanding can help everyone win. Tell this brief incident: Holly and Mary had been friends for years, but they were both strong-willed, so they had frequent disagreements. In their history class one day, the teacher asked students to pair up and then choose one of the topics listed on the board for a dual report give by the paired students that would count for half of their grade. Holly and Mary teamed up but couldn’t agree on a topic. Holly wanted one and Mary wanted another. They began to argue about it, and then Holly, remembering something her mother had told her, decided just to listen to Mary. It turned out that Mary had a very good reason for wanting a particular topic — that she had some special information that would help make a good report on it. As Holly listened, she thought of some ideas she could add.  The girls agreed on a topic and ended up getting an A on their report.

Ask what the difference is between “win-lose” and “win-win” (finding a way to agree — a way where no one is hurt and where everyone benefits). Think of other examples.