You know the old saying. “If it quacks like a duck, and acts like a duck, it probably is a duck.”  Appearances may be deceiving, but they may also tell the tale clearly.  We just need to be paying attention, and connect the dots.

Let's connect a few dots here and see what comes of it:

It did not used to be this way, however.  Even though the first U.S. link between lung cancer and smoking was published in 1939, few regarded tobacco as a threat. Evidence was swept under the rug.  It was considered someone else's problem — or not a problem at all. 

I remember taking cross-country flights and dealing with the nasty smell and the clouds of smoke that seemed to choke the very breath out of me. I would always request a seat in the “non-smoking” section. Which often was right behind the “smoking” section. I mean, directly behind a man or woman puffing away, with that grey cloud trailing to my seat, just one row back. There was no relief, much as I wanted some clean air!

It seems ridiculous now. But no one had yet publicly asserted that second-hand smoke could be harmful. (They should have asked people like me, whose lungs ached afterwards and whose heads and nasal passages pulsed for hours after landing.) 

As the government began to recognize the validity of the harmful effects of tobacco, changes in our cultural acceptance of the habit began to shift. Only very slowly did those shifts occur. The Surgeon General released a report (in 1964) clearly stating that lung cancer in men was caused by smoking. Thirty years later, however, arguments were still railing between CEOs of the tobacco industry and governmental regulatory boards. The first group to ban smoking altogether — indoors and outdoors — did not happen until early in 2006, in California.

Friends, it quacked like a duck. But it took years of squawking before society accepted that there were ducks — by the dangerous pack — lining stores and shops all over the place. Quietly — years before the General Public seemed to get it — families were losing loved ones to the devastating effects of smoking. Waiting for society to catch up, how many victims had we lost?

I realize that this article sounds like an anti-smoking one. I use smoking because familiar questions formulate in my mind regarding a newer “carcinogen” that is infiltrating society. It is taking with it not only the consumers, but those who are second-hand victims.

Pornography is making a loud, quacking noise. Compiled evidence — lots of it — shows the devastating effects of this addiction on so many people. First-hand or second-hand, people are being affected, debilitated — even destroyed — by it.

The peddlers of pornography would have us believe that no harm is done- just as some peddlers of tobacco did for so many years. Data indicate a different picture:

Although a picture is clearly painted by facts and figures compiled in academia, President Gordon B. Hinckley's insights and concerns pack more punch than all the sociological data in the world:

“Pornography damages hearts and souls to their very depths, strangling the life out of relationships.”

This is the heart of the matter, brothers and sisters. The first- or second-hand effects of pornography are killing relationships, snuffing the life out of love and trust and respect. Our emotional and spiritual health is squashed as the enemy of true intimacy and respect invades our most sacred relationships. 

While the quacking continues, many have not yet realized they are staring at a duck. The duck of pornography is masquerading as art. It imitates genuine caring. It mocks sanctity of marriage and commitment. It destroys the nurturing of true love. Just as the smoke of cigarettes drifts into our nose and through our lungs, the pornographic pictures drift past our eyes and to our brain and souls. 

A small sampling of the email I received in the days following the first article's posting shows what husbands and wives are up against:

1. A woman wrote: “President Hinckley's words are right on. My husband became involved with porn as a teenager and never gave it up. It was through prayer that I came to find out why there was a big hole in my marriage. I confronted my husband, he confessed, and I have filed for divorce. He refuses to recognize the damage he has caused.” (The email indicated that this man and woman had been married for many years, and that he had remained active in the Church.)
2. A bishop wrote: “I cannot keep up with the counseling and disciplinary action of those in my ward. The percentage of elders involved in pornography is too high.”
3. A man wrote:  “I know first-hand the heartbreak of pornography addiction. After years of battling in darkness, I finally began to emerge a few years ago with the help of a group therapy program and a lot of prayer. I am still fighting the battle.”
4. Another man:  “I am fighting the addiction you wrote about. You're right — there are many, many of us out there.”
5. A woman shared: “My life, my marriage are casualties of pornography. I was in an abusive marriage for seven years before I learned of my husband's lifelong addiction. We had been in anger management and counseling for years, with no success in my husband's ability to control his anger. When I discovered the truth about his addiction, I was devastated. No wonder his temper was out of control.”  (Studies link physical violence to pornography addiction in many cases.)
6. Another man:  “Years ago, I found myself in the throes of this addiction. It just about killed my family relationships and stripped me of the most important things in my life. I have now come back to the Church, have been re-baptized, and will be going with my wife to the temple next month! I am so grateful for repentance and for the Atonement!”

Number 6 is the one example that makes me smile. There were several letters similar to it. People who awoke to the dangers, did the grueling mental/emotional/spiritual work, are spending the time in prayer, and have made their way back from the darkness.

From what I can read and understand, our success stories are smaller in number than we would want. Many don't know where to go, who to confide in, what is offered, or how to attack the core of the addiction. They are frightened or embarrassed, or have had a negative experience in going to an authority or counselor. Like the tobacco problem — before everyone openly acknowledged the tobacco problem — many are quietly losing a battle because we are not advertising the war! There are similarities in the success stories:

Certainly, if we want to fix the dangers assaulting our children, we need to fix the problem in ourselves first. No parent who has gone down the pornography path would want such a dark experience for his or her child. Although we will address pornography and youth in another article or two, if you are an adult caught in the web of addiction (first- or second-hand) there are additional commonalities to those who are winning the battle:

How long before society at large recognizes the devastating effects, much like cigarette smoke? I do not know. But I know that there is help available for those who seek it. I know that utilizing heavenly tools makes it possible to find a way to heal. While some appearances may be deceiving, with our eyes open we will see pornography for the damaging agent it is. We will not give up as society darkens in the den of pornographic peddling. There are ways to mend and good work to be done!

Although we cannot speculate on how much good we may do in our fight against pornography, surely our efforts will be worthwhile. Much like a missionary who serves two years, baptizing only one (but perhaps never knowing the ripple effect of that one baptism), we may eventually make a difference in the lives of many souls.

Shelley DeVries, a co-founder of Communities for Decency in Utah, wrote some hopeful words: “We will not eradicate this problem from the earth, but we can fight to preserve and protect our families, homes and communities.”  Absolutely! How many victims can we save?

If you have something to offer, if you need help and support, if you want some resource choices, write in. Find an organization like CP80 or Communities for Decency to support in some form or another. Join with us. Can you add your expertise in getting the word out? Have there been powerful things you have learned that we may share in this column? Do you need a means of expressing your hurt and hopes? Jot a note.

When we make the connections, we see that pornography looms as a threat that we cannot afford to ignore, nor put off until ‘further evidence' ratifies this danger for what it is.  Write us. Your words may matter to a great many others.