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Can't
Do It All At Once
by the Goodman
Family
We
live in a world of instant success—instant breakfast, instant
mashed potatoes, instant playback, instant weight loss, instant
relief, and instant winners. But with all these things at our fingertips,
no one has ever created an instant family.
People often
ask us how to build a strong family. Would you like to know the
secret? There really isn't one! When we first got married, we had
twelve theories of how to raise children, and no children. Now we
have twelve children and no theories!
Over the years,
however, we have discovered that although we can't have instant
families, we can still build strong families-little by little. We
just can't do it all at once. Lasting things take time. And perhaps,
after all, it's the little things we do day by day that make the
big differences anyway: Dad waltzing around the kitchen with a teenage
daughter who needs a temporary prince charming to heal a broken
heart. A quick-fix and delivery to school by Mom on a class project
that didn't quite get finished the night before. "Good Luck" signs
plastered all over a bedroom by brothers and sisters the night before
an older brother's critical exam. A child's call to grandma sharing
the ecstasy of a successful toilet training experience.
Claudia
(the mother): Years ago I stood on the threshold of parenthood
with apprehension clouding my anticipation. I asked my mother, "How
can you raise children without making serious mistakes? I'm afraid
I might ruin my kids."
My mother smiled
thoughtfully and replied, "Oh, you'll make lots of mistakes, because
you've never been a parent before. You're learning right along with
the children. But the most important thing is something surprisingly
simple. Just make sure they know you love them. If they know that,
they can forgive your mistakes and overlook the times you are not
at your best-and you can forgive them as well."
Mark
(eighteen-year-old son): One of my earliest memories happened
when I was four or five. I have a September birthday, so when all
my friends went to kindergarten that year, I didn't get to go, because
I missed the deadline. I was really disappointed. One day while
we were in the car, my mom told me that she was so glad I got to
stay home with her for another year. She doesn't even remember telling
me that, but it meant the world to me. I realized my mom loved me
and that I was important.
Years later
when I was sixteen, I was driving our van to Arizona with my mom
and two sisters. We hit a bad spot on the pavement, and I rolled
the van. My little sister's head was cut, and she had blood all
over her face. The first thing she said was, "Mark, Mark, it's okay.
Please don't feel bad." But I did feel bad. The van was totaled,
Aimee had to have nine staples in her head, and my mom had a bruised
rib. I felt like it was all my fault. I kept thinking to myself,
"What could I have done differently?"
After we were
treated at the local hospital, someone we didn't even know offered
to let us stay in her home overnight. When things settled down,
Mom and I went for a walk. Mom put her arm around me and said, "Mark,
it was an accident, and accidents happen. You were going the speed
limit, and you were driving carefully. You did the best you could.
The Lord doesn't spare us from all our problems, but He did intervene
enough to save our lives. The car is just a car. What's important
is that we're all right."
My dad called
and said the same thing. He also told me that I could learn from
the experience that Heavenly Father loves me. I learned another
lesson, too, that he didn't mention. I learned how much my parents
love me, and that means the world to me.
Little
Things
Little things? Maybe. But they shape our lives. It has been said,
"A mother's intuition is the purest form of revelation." When we
listen to the inspiration that comes to us as mothers, fathers,
grandparents, and children, we discover the little things that strengthen
our families.
This column
will explore ideas to help us build Zion homes by capitalizing on
those little things. Our family will draw on our experiences over
the past thirty years in rearing twelve children, five of whom are
now married. We also invite your comments and stories, for "out
of small things proceedeth that which is great."
FUTURE TOPICS:
February: Rekindling
Love.Again and Again
March: Unleashing
Imagination
April: Grandparents'
Legacy of Love
May: Being
on the Same Team
June: Talk
About It
July: Take
It as a Compliment
August: Alternatives
to Pushing a Rope
September:
Adding More Hours to the Day
October: Time
Out-for Yourself!
November: Friday
Night Fun for Kids
December: Turn
Your Mirror into a Window
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