Our tone; our flash into anger; our swiftness to judge and other negative patterns that we have created and “sent out” over the years, will all powerfully come back at us unless we can change the patterns and block those forces from impacting our lives.  Simply put; we can’t hurt anyone without hurting ourselves.  We can learn to avoid this painful cycle. 

What if every time our child or spouses’ negative behavior flares up, making us feel hurt, angry or powerless; we plead with the Lord, “Change ME!” “Forgive ME,” “Empower ME, to react differently!”
“But, it’s THEM” you say “that are doing the negative, annoying behavior, not me! 
Elder Boyd K. Packer counseled, “Leave off trying to alter your child just for a little while and concentrate on yourself.  Children, who are forced to comply, do so with resistance and resentment, often biding their time until they can demonstrate their independence rebelliously.”(Ensign, March 1996)
No one wants to feel controlled.   Everyone wants their choices to be their own.  Whether they are right or wrong, we need to allow those we love, their own energy, and not try to manipulate it the way we think it should go.   Without our interference, judgment or meddling, they will generally make the right decisions. It’s important for loved ones to feel that we love them no matter what decisions they make, and they will test us to see if it’s true.

Clean and Clear

It’s an interesting phenomenon.  If we, in deep humility ask the Lord to clean and clear us; and we become At-one with Him, the negative behavior of the child (spouse) often stops immediately.   They can feel the transformation in our energy that is directed at them.  In those situations where their negativity persists after we have undergone this process, we will still frequently see things from a new perspective and a solution will be placed in our path.  I’ve had this verified over and over again.  It takes a LOT of awareness, resolve and humility, but nothing works like it.   Aligning with the Lord changes our behavior and helps others change theirs.

The times that solutions haven’t come is generally when we have held back and let our wounded ego react.  While we are nursing our ego, we usually feel the need to retaliate, manipulate or control.  When we escalate that negative energy, there is no chance that we can have the Lord’s help in the conflict, because we have chosen to solve it for ourselves.  

When we pray as if they are the problem, the Lord is only asked to solve half of the difficulty, (and that involves their agency, which he rarely tampers with.)  If we can get to the point, however, that we become humble enough to ask for change and empowerment for ourselves (with His atoning help), it gets to the heart of the difficulty and miracles result. 

Become the Change

Many times Gandhi said, “We must become the change we want to see.”  When we align with the Lord and feel the frequency of His perfect love, we radiate that to others, and they respond by being lifted by us.  These beautiful thoughts and feelings are like salve applied to a wound.  The healing process begins.

We have the power to improve our relationships.  We don’t have to wait for them to change.  We can take charge of the relationship and transform the energy NOW!!  We can transform our anger and condemnation to compassion and love.  By employing the strength of humility, we can more readily see our loved ones’ point of view.  The Lord will show us our weakness and give us power to overcome. 

 As we allow God to change us, we will be raised up.  We will begin serving those we love with Christ’s pure love, and the good news is, the more we can lift and empower our child or spouse, the higher we will lift and empower ourselves!