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"If Thine Eye Be Single ... "
By G.G. Vandagriff
To what should our eye be single? To the stock market? To our children's problems? To the balance in our checkbook? To the administrative details of our callings? To our jobs? To the neatness of our houses? Is it in these places that we will find the answers to our mortal challenges, the direction the Lord would have us go?
The rest of the scripture we know very well: "to my glory, your whole bodies shall be filled with light." (Doctrine and Covenants 88:67) What is this light that is so important that it takes precedence over all things that we should seek in this life? It is the light and glory of the Savior. This is the abundance that will fill and enable us to find the answer to all of life's questions.
In this day and age, just as in every other dispensation, there is plenty to worry about and many things to take the focus in our lives a put it somewhere besides on Jesus Christ. In fact, learning to make him our focus is really the lesson of a lifetime, so if we're not there yet, we need to continually remind ourselves that this is our goal.
I fell into a hole, partially through naiveté and partially through leaning on the arm of flesh, where my focus switched for many years from the Savior to myself. I was ill and was hospitalized for a month. It was during that time that my focus was changed. Doctors told me I had been doing too much, focusing too much on others at the expense of myself, judging myself too harshly, and generally not taking care of #1, which was ME.
And so, for many years, I kept thinking I could find the road out of my illness by focusing on my "needs." I "needed" to be left alone. I "needed" to write. I "needed" a makeover. I "needed" a new wardrobe.
Many of us are familiar with the psychologist Dr. Abraham Maslow's, hierarchy of needs. The first is physiological (food, clothing, shelter), the second is safety (preferably within a family), the third is love and belonging, the fourth is self-esteem, and the fifth (at the top of the pyramid) is "self-actualization." This is the model that was used in my therapy.
As you can see, it starts out all right, and the first three levels fit within the parameters of our discussion. However, when we come to the fourth and fifth level, we part ways with Maslow and the wisdom of the world.
No doubt many scholars who know much more than I do about psychology would take issue with this, saying that you can't focus outward until you have taken care of yourself and become "actualized." The facts were that my illness was physical in nature (genetic bi-polar disorder) and not psychological. The answer to my problem was not to be found by focusing on myself in a way that would take my line of sight away from Jesus Christ. The answer turned out to be chemical — a missing ingredient in my nervous system.
It was only when I went to General Conference in 2004, that I got put on the right track by Elder Hafen in his sermon, "The Atonement of Christ: All for All." I felt his words to my marrow as he said:
"God asks all that we have. To qualify for [the atonement of Christ] in whatever way is ours, we must give the way Christ gave — every drop He had. 'How exquisite ye know not, yea, how hard to bear you know not.' (Romans 8:17) ... All of His heart, all of our hearts.
"If we must give all that we have, then our giving almost everything is not enough. If we almost keep the commandments, we almost receive the blessings.
"Some people want to keep one hand on the wall of the temple while touching the world's 'unclean things' with the other hand. We must put both hands on the temple and hold on for dear life. One hand is not even almost enough. . .
"We can have eternal life if we want it, but only if there is nothing else we want more." ("The Atonement of Christ: All for All," Elder Bruce C. Hafen, Ensign, May, 2004.)
I was not the center of the universe! My needs were not the center of the universe! I was headed totally in the wrong direction. Safety, love, and fulfillment were not to be found by concentrating on my own needs to the exclusion of everyone else.
Where were they to be found? In giving ourselves first to Jesus Christ. All of ourselves — whether we are a rank and file member of His church or an Apostle of the Lord.
I saw the key in his words: we must hold on to the temple with both hands for dear life. Though I was an ordinance worker twice a week, I realized that some of my behaviors were not entirely in keeping with the Spirit of the temple. They were not great things, but small things I chose to waste my time on. From that point forward, though still ill, I switched my focus, trying to bring it completely in line with all my covenants.
It was then that I realized that the closest we can come to an embrace from the Savior is in His Holy house. I asked for duty in the Celestial Room, and spent my hours there fervently pleading for the grace of the atonement in my life to make up for those things I couldn't do on my own — healing, mothering a sick child, and the mission the Lord had charged me with in my patriarchal blessing. Most of all, I prayed for a greater understanding of the atonement and ways to access its enabling power in my life.
One scripture was riveted firmly in my mind, giving me hope: "And he shall go forth, suffering pains and afflictions and temptations of every kind; and this that the word might be fulfilled which saith he will take upon him the pains and the sicknesses of his people. And he will take upon him death, that he may loose the bands of death which bind his people; and he will take upon him their infirmities, that his bowels may be filled with mercy, according to the flesh how to succor his people according to their infirmities." (Alma 7:11-12)
This scripture told me that the Lord knew everything about suffering. He knew how I felt and he knew how to guide me in this earth life. I embraced that knowledge and kept it close.
Another gem in Isaiah tells us the same thing: "And though the Lord give you the bread of adversity, and the water of affliction, yet shall not thy teachers be removed into a corner any more, but thine eyes shall see thy teachers: And thine ears shall hear a word behind thee, saying, This is the way, walk ye in it, when ye turn to the right hand, and when ye turn to the left." (Isaiah 30:20-21)
This scripture indicates that we should not only keep our eye single to his glory, but our ears, our hearts, and our whole bodies!
Little by little, step by step, the Lord began to lead me in this new direction. Most importantly, the focus of my "eye" had changed, and even with my illness I began to see a small measure of light. My only desire was that I could serve the mission He had foreordained for me when he knew me in the pre-existence. However, my illness became increasingly grave.
Attending conference in 2006, I received the last bit of counsel that moved me to take the final step to my healing. Elder Holland said, "I speak to those who are facing personal trial and family struggles, those who endure conflicts fought in the lonely foxholes of the heart, those trying to hold back floodwaters of despair that sometimes wash over us like a tsunami of the soul. I wish to speak to you who feel your lives are broken, seemingly beyond repair ... [our Savior] is saying to us, 'Trust me, learn of me, do what I do. Then, when you walk where I am going,' He says, 'we can talk about where you are going, and the problems you face and the troubles you have. If you will follow me, I will lead you out of darkness... When he says to the poor in spirit, 'Come unto me,' He means He knows the way out and He knows the way up. He knows it because He has walked it. He knows the way because He is the way ... Brothers and Sisters, whatever your distress, please don't give up and please don't yield to fear." ("Broken Things to Mend," Ensign, May, 2006.)
The final step was placing my fears, my preoccupations on the altar. To take seriously Jacob's promise that if we reconciled ourselves to the will of God and not the will of the flesh that we would be saved eternally through the Grace of God. (2 Nephi 10:24) Walking hand in hand with our Savior is the greatest privilege we can have in mortality. It is also the lesson we were sent here to learn: "This is life eternal, that they might know thee the only true God, and Jesus Christ whom thou hast sent." (John 17: 3.)
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