Leadership for Saints: Part 61

Personal Balance: Social/Emotional Dimension
by Rodger Dean Duncan and Ed J. Pinegar

The quality of the relationships we have with others is vital to our personal balance. Our physical, mental and spiritual health is associated with the principles of personal vision and management. Our social/emotional health is associated with the principles of empathic communication and creative collaboration.

While renewing the physical, mental and spiritual dimensions of our lives usually requires some adjustment in our schedules, renewing our social/emotional dimension can be done in the course of our daily interactions with other people. This does not imply that it’s nonchalant or haphazard. Our social/emotional health requires just as much deliberate care as the physical, mental and spiritual.

All around you are fragile relationships waiting to be strengthened and good relationships waiting to be made even better. Identify a key relationship that presents a challenge for you. Maybe it’s a fellow worker who never seems to see the world through the same lens as you. How can better empathic listening on your part help that relationship? Maybe you have a child or a spouse or a friend who is not quite as responsive as in the past. What can you do about you that could add value to the relationship?

The most effective people we know constantly cultivate their relationships. They are affirming and encouraging to others. They look for the good. They attend to the courtesies. They listen to understand, not to judge. They honor their commitments. They are slow to take offense and quick to apologize. They look for opportunities to widen their circle of friends. They are anxiously engaged in many good causes. They value differing perspectives and look for opportunities to learn and discover and collaborate with others. They know that the key to having good friends is being a good friend. They tend to all the little things that build and maintain strong, trusting relationships. And their lives are the better for it.

In a nutshell, here are some summary ideas on the four dimensions we’ve discussed:

To a large degree, personal balance is strictly a matter of choice. Although people who live balanced lives certainly plan for the future, they tend to live in the here and now.

People with balanced lives tend to keep things simple. They distill their dreams to a handful of goals and they frequently evaluate their activities to ensure that they’re on course. They are clear about what matters most. Rather than prioritize their schedules, they schedule their priorities.

People with balanced lives are good at managing their emotions. One man described this as “unloading the cannon.” Some days it seems like the world is against you. Nothing goes right. It’s during times like this that some people “load the cannon” and wait for someone else to “strike the match.” This is stressful and destructive behavior. Smart people maintain a sense of calm during the inevitable storms of daily living.

We can learn from the archer. He stretches his bow to its full strength only at the moment he needs it. To do otherwise is to waste the energy and power required to reach his target.

Why? Because if it’s left tight too long, an archery bow loses its strength and resilience and becomes useless. The same principle applies to humans. Some people are so high strung that they exhaust themselves just from being constantly “up tight.” Truly powerful people tend to be relatively calm. They visualize what they want to accomplish, sometimes in vivid detail. They plan and organize. They marshal their resources. Then, when the timing is right, they figuratively pull back their bow to its appropriate tautness and aim for the target.

By maintaining this balance, by reserving their “power” for those discreet moments when it’s needed, their influence actually increases.

People with balanced lives tend to be good humored. They are especially good about laughing at themselves. They enjoy a sense of perspective. Any time you get discouraged, just think about Noah. He preached the gospel for nearly a thousand years, then the Lord drowned all his investigators.

People with balanced lives enjoy the journey. They avoid getting overwhelmed with the “doing” of their lives because they invest significant time in the “being” part of life. In today’s world, nearly everything around us seems accelerated. In our effort to cram more and more life into the 1,440 minutes that make up each day, we risk losing out on the whole point of life. Slow down. Enjoy the journey.

People with balance make God their partner. They realize that no matter how capable they are, no matter how smart, no matter how well trained, no matter how experienced and seasoned, they can never do it all alone. Most importantly, they readily acknowledge that all their blessings and gifts come from a loving Heavenly Father who wants them to find their way back home.

Make no mistake. Great leaders are very busy with the tasks of their stewardships. They also invest plenty of deliberate energy in self-renewal. With their batteries charged, they are better able to accomplish the work to which they have been called.

Quotes Worth Remembering

… peace of mind which can be [yours] with the proper balance between the spiritual and the secular. – Ezra Taft Benson

… we do need to strike a spiritual balance in our lives where spiritual senses and sensitivity come first. – Spencer J. Condie 

As he pondered the assignment, he saw as in a panorama the things that contribute to permanent human joy… He (Joseph Smith) saw among these factors lying deep in man's earthly and heavenly needs: economic sufficiency, bodily health, social contentment, educational development, joyous family life, emotional satisfactions, and an understandable spiritual program, to hold all else together… – John A. Widstoe

Rather than try to see through people we should try to see people through. – Wendall Ashton

We're not trying to balance reading the scriptures against making a casserole for the ward dinner, or visiting teaching against serving on a PTA committee, or earning money to keep a missionary son or daughter in the field against writing a family history. We're not trying to balance the Savior or our spiritual life against any other aspect of our life. The Savior is the fulcrum of the balance, the pivot point of the balance, the trunk and roots of the tree that keep the branches in balance. We're trying to keep this feeling about the Savior sweet and strong, because then, questions of priorities and how to spend our time will be easy and clear. – Chieko N. Okazaki

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