Leadership for Saints, Part 32: Communication: Building Bridges to Their Hearts
by Rodger Dean Duncan and Ed J. Pinegar

Great leaders know that communication is much more than issuing directions or giving talks. They know that communication is the lubricant of all relationships. It is about connecting with people, about understanding them, about building bridges to their hearts.

Jesus always honored people’s agency, always respected their God-given freedom to choose. He was the ultimate communicator—not just because of his profound oratory, but also because of his great love and empathy for the people he served.

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Nowhere in the scriptures will you find the Savior saying “As I have fixed you, fix one another.”

The Savior’s leadership style was all about loving and inviting, not about forcing or fixing. He told parables that helped his followers understand eternal principles. He asked questions that caused even his critics to challenge their own thinking. He exhibited humility and kindness in every setting. He carefully listened and observed. He diagnosed before he prescribed. He taught life-saving doctrine with great clarity and without apology. His communication style was surely one of divine humanity.

In all our communication, Jesus must be our model.

As leaders we have an opportunity to “communicate” in a wide range of situations—in conducting meetings, in leading councils, in interviews, in teaching lessons, at the family dinner table, in formal settings as well as in casual conversations. In fact, we communicate at virtually all times, including those times when we’re not saying a word or when we’re not directly involved in the moment.

An excellent example is Elder Russell M. Nelson of the Quorum of the Twelve. We’ve noticed him in leadership meetings and in General Conference literally sitting on the edge of his chair as though he can’t wait to absorb the speaker’s next word. Even when Elder Nelson is “in the background” he communicates connection and caring for those around him. He obviously understands that much of communication (and leadership) is non-verbal.

In these next three parts we will discuss some of the rudiments of effective communication. Then we will focus on a communication type of special importance to leaders at various levels in the Church: interviews.

The primary purpose of communication is to connect. In fact, part of the root word means to create a common-ness. This does not mean that communication happens only when we agree with someone. In the vernacular, it means that two people are effectively communicating when both parties “understand where the other is coming from.” Communication is about understanding.

Communication is much more than verbalization. Many different studies have been done on how people communicate. Most of the studies agree that only about 10 percent of meaning comes from the actual words spoken. About 40 percent of meaning comes from how we say the words, the sounds we make. And about 50 percent of meaning comes from non-verbal cues like a raised eyebrow or other “body language.”

It’s hard to demonstrate this on a written page, but let’s try it anyway. With the use of italics, here’s a simple eight-word sentence that emphasizes a different word each time.

I didn’t say you have a teaching problem.
(Did someone else say it?)

I didn’t say you have a teaching problem.
(Is this just a denial?)

I didn’t say you have a teaching problem.
(Did I just think it?)

I didn’t say you have a teaching problem.
(Did I say someone else does?)

I didn’t say you have a teaching problem.
(Am I saying you had a problem earlier?)

I didn’t say you have a teaching problem.
(Am I saying you have more than one problem?)

I didn’t say you have a teaching problem.
(Am I suggesting you have some other kind of problem?)

Notice how simply emphasizing a different word implies a different meaning?

Language, both verbal and non-verbal, has many nuances. Effective communication is much less about having a large vocabulary and more about making a deliberate effort to connect with the other person’s heart.

You’ve heard the expression about communicating spirit to spirit? That’s precisely what good communication is about. You’ve perhaps been touched by a returned missionary bearing his testimony in a language different from your own. You didn’t literally understand the words, but you nevertheless felt the sweet tenderness of the moment. That’s because the language of the spirit is a universal language.

Quotes to Remember

In an atmosphere of sincere love . . . communication is pleasant, and adjustment is easy. But when this relation is impaired and one lives primarily for his own likes and self-interest, communication fails and real difficulties arise. – Carlos E. Asay

… the famous words attributed to St. Francis of Assisi ("O divine Master, grant that I may not so much seek ... to be understood as to understand ... ") lies at the heart of true communication. Seeking for understanding is the product of a wise and loving heart, of humility and commitment to service. – Alexander B. Morrison

Note: The excerpts of Leadership for Saints posted on Meridian are only a fraction of the contents of this 349-page book. To learn more about this ground-breaking book and to order copies, click here.

2003 © by Rodger Dean Duncan & Ed J. Pinegar, All Rights Reserved

© 2003 Meridian Magazine.  All Rights Reserved.