M E R I D I A N     M A G A Z I N E

Manners Make a Difference in a Stress-Filled World
By Judith Rasband

Do people really notice good manners? You bet they do. Even though lifestyles are more informal and relaxed in this new millennium, good manners are appreciated. Polite language, cell phones off, holding the door, a thank you note, a smile — these are just a few favors that people like.

Make no mistake about it. Your manners — how you present yourself and behave throughout your life — are a very big part of your personal and professional image. Good manners contribute to a positive first and lasting impression in social and business situations. They advance your reputation.

Virtually everyone has felt uncomfortable, insecure, or embarrassed at some time by not knowing how to behave in a particular situation. They may even refuse to participate. Virtually everyone of every age would prefer to feel comfortable, confident, and competent throughout the day. These feelings only come with knowledge and practice.

Knowing the rules or guidelines of good manners helps you to relax, to feel confident and capable. Practicing them allows you to appear comfortable and competent, and builds self-respect in the process. You can get on with your day and accomplish your goals.

Knowing and practicing good manners is not a matter of vanity, snobbery, or trying to impress. Nor is it a sign of weakness, as some would have us believe. It is simply a matter of being kind and sensitive to the needs of others, of creating a considerate, gracious, and respectful atmosphere for everyone.

Respect is, in fact, at the heart of good manners. All good manners are based on thoughtfulness for others and respect for them as individuals of equal value. It’s the essence of the Golden Rule — Do unto others the way you want to be treated. Although an update may be appropriate, the so-called Platinum Rule — Do unto others the way they want to be treated.

Practicing good manners makes life happier, more enjoyable for everyone because of the courtesy and respect shown to each other. In today's stress-filled world, coupled with the ups and downs inherent to everyday life, it is very nice to experience pleasantries. Good manners are said to be two-thirds common sense and one-third kindness. Experiencing a moment of pleasant kindness can be uplifting, both for you as the practitioner and for the receiver. Respecting others is truly empowering.

There can be differences between social and business office etiquette. Unlike social manners, business manners take into account the pyramid of authority and efficiency on the job. It is not necessary, for example, to stand and shake hands every time someone enters your office. That would be disruptive, and it would slow down your work.

On the other hand, no matter how tired you might be, or abrasive a client might be, professionals are urged to always practice good manners. An environment in which people treat each other with kindness and consideration is certainly one in which a client enjoys doing business.

In a social setting, it is common practice for the women seated in a group to remain seated and shake hands with a newcomer, while the men are expected to stand up and shake hands. In a business setting, however, both women and men are expected to stand and greet the newcomer.

Manners are becoming more and more “genderless” in today’s workplace. Since manners are constantly evolving, it is important to keep current and learn the new rules of behavior to cover these changes.

There are literally hundreds of changing situations that confront us during our lifetime, with rules and guidelines for nearly every one. There is no way we can keep track of them all. Therefore, it is smart to keep a large, comprehensive, updated etiquette book on a shelf for ready reference.