Meridian Magazine : Grandparenting: Planting the Seeds

Planting the Seeds
By Fay A. Klingler

The greatest gift you can give your grandchildren is an honorable, faithful example. If you add to that peace in your home, a joyful marriage, and a grateful heart, your grandchildren will have an increased desire to follow in your footsteps.

Recently I enjoyed visiting my cousin in Arizona. We laughed as we reminisced over our happy childhood together. Our parents gave us all the above along with the daily lessons of integrity and hard work. You might say that by their example the seeds of character, love, and loyalty were planted in our hearts. And years later, they nourished those same seeds in their grandchildren’s hearts, having a greater influence, at times, than my cousin and I did as parents.

My mother, for instance, made a significant impact on my children when she played games with them. If the children cheated in any way, she calmly said she was done, that she didn’t play with cheaters. Then she’d put the game away and get involved in something else. The children learned she meant what she said and quickly learned the merits of playing fair.

I fondly remember my granny and grandpa’s impact on me. Sweet were the days I took a side route on my way home from school to visit at their home. I looked forward to the cookies and ice cream. But more importantly, I loved the added sense of belonging and family I received from my grandparents.

It’s amazing the simple things a grandparent can do to change the life of a grandchild. His or her observations of your committed, dedicated temple attendance or service mission can make an impact. The fact that you focus on what you can do instead of what you can’t may change the grandchild’s perspective. Just your recognizing him or her by name makes a difference.

An obvious directed smile, or the atmosphere of love, understanding, and enjoyment in the home can aid a child’s perception of value and self. It might even be just a saying hung on the wall or a personal postcard mailed by the grandparent while on a trip. Or it could be a simple but meaningful gift.

Consider this: At the grandchild’s sixteenth birthday, present him or her with a specially engraved wooden plaque with the words from Nelson Mandela’s 1994 Inaugural Address —

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.
Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.}
It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us.
We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, and fabulous.

Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God.
Your playing small doesn’t serve the world.
There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you.

You were born to make manifest the glory of God that is
within you.
It’s not just in some of us, it’s in everyone, and as we let our own light shine, we consciously give other people permission to do the same.

As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.

Numerous gift ideas are found in The LDS Grandparents’ Idea Book by Fay A. Klingler. Consider the Heritage Certificate on pages 30-31 or the baptism plaque on page 42. I like the contribution on page 68. “When I was a little girl, my Grandpa Brown was very old, but he had a marvelous memory and an incredible ability to recite. Whenever he was in our home, my parents would ask him to do one of his recitations. It was beautiful to listen to his deep, resonant voice and feel his enthusiasm as he repeated from memory one of the poems or pieces he had in his repertoire.

“When I was a teenager, I decided to follow his good example. I committed to memory several of my favorite poems, which I can still repeat to this day.”

There are also more expensive, time-consuming things grandparents can do to teach and impact grandchildren. Dora and Boyd Lythgoe organized an extended family trip to Nauvoo, including special firesides along the way. Dora said it was the most spiritually important thing they had ever done for their family.

This year my husband and I have invited all of our children and their families to a special slumber party at our home. The theme is “Remember, Remember, You Are in Charge.” Each of our twelve children has been given four-generation pedigree charts. They are to find a faith-promoting or character-promoting story about one of those ancestors and talk about the story with their family. They are to draw pictures and have the story printed to add to a book which a copy will be given to the entire family group. Then they are to prepare a decorated story stick. At the slumber party, a spokesperson from each family will sit in a circle and present their story stick while they tell the selected faith-promoting story to the entire family group.

Among other activities, we will have displays of labeled items from ancestors, sing songs written by forbearers, and close with a family prayer and fireworks. In addition, each grandchild will decorate an anchor to take home. Everything we do will be centered on teaching the family that, like their ancestors, they are in charge of their destinies by the choices they make, and that the family and the gospel are their anchors in life.

The second day will include games of skill and healthy competition, preparing a family time capsule, and a helium-balloon release, which will include each person’s attached message of a long-term and a short-term goal.

Whether or not it is a blood relative, you can make a significant, positive difference in the lives of children around you. Nancy Beck shares below a blessed experience she and her husband had as “adopted” parents/grandparents.

As you know, there are many situations in our crazy world that in former times we would have not called “normal!” One of those times for me was when I was called to work with the youth.

A newly converted young woman asked if she could come and stay a week with us. That was nearly 3 years ago. We learned that she was homeless, her father committed suicide when she was about 12 years old. The mother abused her and ended up in trouble with the law. They placed Erika (our young woman) in a home for abused and neglected kids, then released her into the custody of her mother — who promptly beat her again and threw her out into the streets where she lived for almost 4 years on her own!

Living in the security of our home, an older couple with grown children, Erika has really, really thrived! I laugh with her sometimes at how difficult it must be for her to have us geezers for parents. She calls us the “rents” because we're not exactly her parents. We tell her the time will come when we will be held accountable for her and for the things we do and do not teach her. It has become our responsibility and indeed duty, to love her and to train her how to survive in the world. Every living soul needs and deserves to be loved!

Here are things we stress with this precious young woman: