Calming
the Stress of Gift Giving
by Fay A. Klingler
Last month I wrote about solving
the problems associated with having enough space to get
together as the family expands. I called it a numbers game.
The goal of the game being to offer what each individual
needs to feel recognized, accepted, nurtured, and a sense
of belonging to the family. Well, as you know, finding room
for a large family to gather is just one of the challenges
of this game. Another is gift giving.
Thanks to my reader contributions,
I am providing several ideas on how to manage the stress
inherent in giving gifts as the family expands and the pocketbook
stays the same or shrinks.
Give a Favorite Book
This suggestion from Judy Kay
Frome would work for Christmas giving as well as for birthdays.
She wrote about her friend who shops throughout the year
for books for the grandchildren. Her friend has an idea
of the grandchildren’s interests, and the books are age
appropriate. “Sometimes, she gives a book to spark an interest,”
wrote Judy, “or it was a favorite of hers and she wants
to share. It has become such a tradition that none of the
grandchildren anticipates anything other than the books,
and looks forward each year to what Grandma has chosen.”
You could take that idea one
step further. You could give a specific book traditionally
at a certain age, or you could give an item that goes along
with the story. One year I gave a grandson a large piggy
bank along with a storybook about a pet pig. I have several
favorite storybooks. One I gave to my grandson Nathan along
with a blanket I made that matched the story in Star
Blanket by Pat Brisson. Nathan carried that blanket
around with him everywhere he went.
Another of my favorites is
Stand Tall Molly Lou Melon by Patty Lovell.
I give that book to at least one girl in each family when
the girl turns twelve.
Write a Letter
Judy also wrote about her own
grandparents. They had 28 grandchildren, and were much less
financially well off than Judy’s friend. “We all received
hand-written letters from my grandfather at least twice
during the winter. I still have the letters written in fountain
pen with my grandfather’s beautiful penmanship. On birthdays,
Grandma sent a freshly-minted one-dollar bill in a special
envelope. Mind you this was in the 1950s and early ‘60s,
and represented a budgeting discipline for them that I realize
now was remarkable.”
My own parents do something
similar to Judy’s grandparents. On my birthday, I will receive
a handmade card with a ten-dollar bill. My mother sends
a five-dollar bill in the cards to her grandchildren until
they marry. Then they get the card without the money. Each
of my parents’ great-grandchildren receive a homemade card
with a one-dollar bill.
Carma Sirrine says she usually
does something similar for her family for their birthdays.
However, a few years ago, she wrote a rhyming poem for each
of her grandchildren and children and their spouses. “That
was a fun undertaking,” said Carma. “Sometimes I used the
letters of a person's name to begin each sentence or thought.
They didn’t necessarily rhyme, but they did give a message
of love and hope for the future, and mention perhaps any
special talents the person had. That took more time than
just a written message but was interesting and fun to do.
I also used ‘Happy Birthday,’ ‘Merry Christmas,’ ‘Happy
Anniversary,’ ‘You're a Teenager,’ as the beginning letters.”
Carma and her husband, Gordon,
served a mission in the Philippines. Following the mission,
their Christmas gift giving consisted of items they selected
for each family member while on their mission. Last year,
she and Gordon decided to give a gift of something they
would otherwise be giving away in their will, or left to
chance on who would receive the item. “This was a fun time,”
exclaimed Carma. “And family members seemed to like what
they received.”
For birthdays, Elaine, another
Meridian contributor, gives grandchildren a dollar a year
plus a dollar to grow on until they are 20 or 21 years old,
usually married. Then cards suffice. For her children’s
birthdays, Elaine said, “We usually give them a nominal
amount of cash, but sometimes we take them to a play or
out to dinner at a nice place. They seem to enjoy that.”
Something to Remember
For Christmas, Elaine and her
husband have given a family gift, such as something for
each family’s preparedness shelf. Elaine makes quilts for
all the new babies, and she and her husband have set amounts
they give for high school and college graduations—a fifty-dollar
bill for high school, a little more for college. “We found
that some grandchildren need a little something different
than the others,” remarked Elaine. “So we sometimes break
the rules and get something different for the needy one.”
I love the idea one Meridian
reader offered. “This year,” she wrote, “I searched for
a ‘birthday verse’—a scripture that corresponded with the
individual’s birthday, such as Alma 7:27 for a July 27th
date. I printed the verse on a beautiful card in a clear
magnet frame to stick on the fridge.”
Barney Christiansen and his
wife, Merrilee, organize a family meeting a few months before
Christmas. At this meeting, names are drawn ‘out of a hat,’
each year creating a new list, assigning their children
and grandchildren the responsibility of giving a nice gift
to someone else in the family. The gift exchange takes place
at their home on Christmas Eve as part of their traditional
family party. “This substantially reduces the financial
burden on each of our children as compared with having to
buy gifts for each of their siblings,” wrote Barney. “But
they still get to enjoy the fun of coming up with a special
gift for that one person, and watching everyone open their
presents.
"Merrilee and I do not actively
participate in the above process,” Barney continued. “but
somehow manage to come up with gifts for everyone. However,
we have instructed our eight children, and they have agreed,
not to purchase Christmas or birthday gifts for us anymore
(which were usually things we really didn't need, anyway!).
Instead, the money they would have otherwise spent goes
into a family missionary fund. By the time we have grandchildren
old enough to go, we should have accumulated a sizable enough
amount in that account to give each of them a helpful contribution
toward mission expenses. To keep things fair, we devised
a simple formula for eventually determining the percentage
of the fund to be given out each time.”
You will find many gift-giving
ideas in The LDS Grandparents’ Idea Book. In the
Christmas section is listed a simple idea that became a
tradition in one family. “My grandmother always gave each
grandchild a pair of socks . . . Each year I looked forward
to seeing just what kind of socks she had chosen for me.”
(The LDS Grandparents’ Idea Book by Fay A
Klingler, published by Spring Creek Book Company, p. 129.)
I took that idea and one year purchased from an LDS outlet
socks with words or symbols printed on each pair, like “I
am a child of God” or “CTR.”
Hello at Holidays
I must admit I enjoy making
small gifts (mostly framed or laminated pictures, doll clothes,
and stickers) for my grandchildren year-round. And in addition
to birthdays and Christmas, I traditionally mail or deliver
a small package to each family at Halloween, Valentine’s
Day, and Easter. Sometimes the postage is more expensive
than the gifts, but it is my way of keeping in touch with
my grandchildren.
Easter is a sacred holiday
for me. I’m unwilling to focus my gift giving on the Easter
Bunny. So my Easter packages include a small amount of candy
and a homemade poster. Each year I purchase a picture from
the Church Distribution Center and glue it to poster board
that has been printed with a colorful frame and the grandchild’s
name. The pictures are of Christ or a temple. I see these
posters hanging in my grandchildren’s bedrooms when I go
to visit. I hope they are a reminder of important goals
and values.
I have strong feelings about
Christmas also. It is getting more difficult because of
the numbers we are working with, but I still prefer to make
something for my grandchildren for Christmas. One year,
I made a recipe book for the little girls. In their package,
I included some of the ingredients for the recipes and an
apron with their name on it. One year I made fleece blankets
for each child. Fleece, when on sale, is not terribly expensive,
and it is easy to work with. Last year, I purchased nice,
bathroom towels and embroidered on them the grandchildren’s
names. That way I felt I was being practical and still giving
of myself.
I also desire to make every
grandchild’s eighth birthday extra special. I make a baptism
quilt for each of them. The grandchild chooses the colors
and the pattern. The quilt may have on it their name, date
of birth, date of baptism, baby picture, and eight-year-old
picture. I also give them a plaque I made up that gives,
in simple terms, the covenant they make at baptism, along
with an “Articles of Faith” card and an inexpensive Primary
CTR ring from the Church Distribution Center. (The plaque
idea is printed in The LDS Grandparents’ Idea Book on
p. 42.) This tradition is one the grandchildren look forward
to, planning their colors and selecting how they would like
the quilt put together.
Planning Ahead
Nancy Beck told me about a
secret section in her closet that is set aside for storing
gifts. “In my busy life, events like birthday's, weddings,
etc. seem to jump out of the dark,” said Nancy. “Having
to shop for the perfect gift, and find it immediately is
often impossible. So, throughout the year, when I see something
I think will be important to a family member or to a friend,
I purchase it and stash it away until it's needed. Having
my own little ‘gift shop,’ small as it is, I always have
my year’s supply of little treasures. Sometimes the appropriate
articles are rather pricey. I save those for the BIG needs,
like a special friend at Christmas. And when Christmas comes—no
bills!
“It takes listening and observing
to find the right gifts for grandchildren of all ages, especially
teenagers,” continued Nancy. “Asking them what they want
isn't the right question. Rather, it's being in touch with
youth to know what special thing would be a blessing in
their lives. Sometimes it's not a thing, it's time.”
Jean Smith feels we should
always give of ourselves. “. . . service, phone calls,
hugs, smiles, etc.,” says Jean. “Satan is the one who makes
us think we can’t afford it or we don’t have the time to
give. He doesn’t want us to be Christ-like and give of ourselves.
Christ set the example we are to follow—give, give, give;
share and be nice to each other. Just a homemade card, a
visit with love, or one single carnation is great. Always,
always give of yourself.”
Getting over the Chore
I was particularly interested
in the following contribution from Anne Miller. And
I will conclude with her remarks. She is not a grandmother
but says, “Gift giving is a major chore and headache for
me—as the recipient!” As a young mother of four boys,
she makes these helpful suggestions to grandparents:
