A Lesson to End all Quarrels
By C.S. Bezas

Having problems with quarreling in your family? Try this simple FHE lesson to help make a difference.

FHE Fun!

Opening Song: #261 “Here We Are Together”

Opening Prayer: By invitation.

Devotional: Explaining, sharing, and testifying all work together to forge powerful bonds amongst family members. Why not take advantage of the opportunity that weekly FHEs offer for this. Take a few moments at the beginning of each Family Home Evening to allow spontaneous sharing of scriptures discovered during the past week. Invite family members to share an experience they had during personal scripture study and why it touched them.

Activity:

Items Needed:

• An individual (new-ish or long) pencil
• A bundle of pencils (at least 7) tied together        

Invite a (strong) volunteer to come forward. Ask him to break the individual pencil in half. He should be able to do so easily. Once he has broken the pencil in half, hand him the seven or so remaining pencils that are tied securely together. Invite him to break that group in half. Most likely, he will not be able to do so.

Once he has returned to his seat, ask the family why the individual pencil could be broken so easily. Why could the bundle not be broken? In what ways could a family be like a bundle of pencils, firmly tied together? How could a family be like a single pencil? What are some things that weaken a family? (Allow the family members to brainstorm without guiding their answers.)

Thought:

Read the following quote:

Our world was not created by accident, but was thoroughly planned and carefully executed. There were times and places appointed for our individual entry into this world … Families … were appointed for us according to a divine plan (Theodore M. Burton, “‘Blessed Are the Peacemakers” Ensign, Nov 1974, 54).

Ask the following questions:

1. What does it mean to you when you hear, “Our world was not created by accident?”
2. What does it mean to you when you learn that families were given “according to a divine plan”?

Read the following quote from President Hinckley:

A proverb in the Old Testament states: “He that is slow to anger is better than the mighty; and he that ruleth his spirit than he that taketh a city” (Proverbs 16:32).  It is when we become angry that we get into trouble (Gordon B. Hinckley, “Slow to Anger,” Liahona, Nov 2007, 62–63, 66).

Ask: How does anger weaken a family? As humans, sometimes we will get angry. Invite the family to listen to the following story told by President Hinckley. Ask them to get ready to share ideas about what they can do when angry, whether at home or away from home.

Charles W. Penrose … was a convert to the Church and served as a missionary in England for some eleven years. When he was released, he sold some of his belongings to pay for his trip to Zion. Some of the Saints observing him said that he was taking Church property.

This angered him so, that he went upstairs in his residence, [he] sat down, and wrote these verses, which are familiar to you (Gordon B. Hinckley, “Slow to Anger,” Liahona, Nov 2007, 62-63, 66, emphasis added).

Summary.

Explain that the family may not be familiar with Charles Penrose’s hymn #336, but they will be singing it for the closing song (link is included below, including a pre-recorded accompaniment). Ask everyone what Charles Penrose did with his anger. Then ask: What healthy things can we do with anger?

Allow the family to brainstorm ideas. Applaud their suggestions and guide the group to select one or two approaches to try for the next week. Testify that the Lord blesses all those who seek to better themselves with additional help from heaven. As the family seeks to find healthy things to do with frustration and anger, quarreling in the family will eventually subside and happy memories will begin to become a natural part of family life.

Finally, express your love for each family member. Remind them again that:

Our world was not created by accident, but was thoroughly planned and carefully executed. There were times and places appointed for our individual entry into this world ... Families … were appointed for us according to a divine plan (Theodore M. Burton, “‘Blessed Are the Peacemakers,” Ensign, Nov 1974, 54).

Closing Song: #336 School Thy Feelings. (Perhaps read the words out loud together, then sing the song with the online accompaniment.)

Closing Prayer: By invitation.

Refreshments: This recipe for Chocolate Covered Pretzels (http://www.baking911.com/recipes/chocolate/covered_pretzels.htm) is not only easy, but tasty too. Why not have the whole family participate in the speedy prep of this treat? It will provide a great opportunity to chat how when we support each other, we end up with “yummy” experiences as we go through life.

Additional Resources:

• This short Primary lesson has additional ideas about reducing quarreling.
• President Hinckley’s talk, “Slow to Anger,” contains inspirational scriptures and stories regarding anger.
• Elder Theodore M. Burton’s talk, “Blessed are the Peacemakers (http://www.lds.org/ldsorg/)”, provides insights regarding the maintenance of peace in our hearts and in our homes.      

Struggling with your teens? C.S. Bezas' book has been described as an essential aid for youth leaders and parents. Powerful Tips for Powerful Teachers: Helping Youth Find Their Spiritual Wings is available in LDS bookstores and by clicking here. 

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C.S. Bezas graduated from BYU in communications, with an emphasis in human resource development and training programs. She also took seminary teacher-training classes while studying at BYU, looking forward to the day when she might join the ranks of the Lord’s seminary teachers. She now teaches early-morning seminary in the southeastern portion of the United States. Additionally, she has conducted trainings and workshops for audiences on a variety of topics and has won recognition for her writings and stage musicals.

C.S. Bezas has appeared as a keynote speaker and before audiences on television, stage, and film. Her book Powerful Tips for Powerful Teachers has been called essential for those who work with teens and for parents. She is the creator of a soothing-music CD series found at CSBezasMusic.com. She and her husband have four children and relish the gospel of Jesus Christ.