Love through the Cracks
By C.S. Bezas

What do we do if we have a child insistent on making errant choices? Give up? Obviously not, but admittedly some days it might be the way we feel.

Oftentimes our struggling children will have built such defenses the only way "in" to them is through the cracks. Therefore, as followers of Christ, this becomes our motto: "Love through the Cracks." When we seek each morning to patch and fill our child's infinitely small cracks with love, we work as the Savior works; we follow his faith in us. He takes what is before him and works mighty miracles with even the smallest of "grains," the mustard seed. We can know there is a purpose for which this child was sent to us and he will work the miracles for us.

Years hence, will your heart be full of recrimination and bitter hatred for what your child put you through? Or will your heart have been softened as Christ's was in the garden of Gethsemane, deepened with insight into the hearts of others, made fuller through love, and wisened with knowledge that love "between the cracks" changes souls. These are the insights that the miracle of forgiveness and love really do bring.

Therefore, our focus for this week's FHE lesson will be learning how to "fill the cracks with love." We'll do it in a roundabout, but fun way!

FHE Fun!

Opening Song. #198b — "When We're Helping We're Happy," Primary Children's Songbook

Opening Prayer. Prior to praying, perhaps you could ask what family members think should be prayed about. This will open the thoughts to things that otherwise might not be discussed. Not only will your children hopefully share their personal concerns (i.e. an upcoming test), but family members might know of someone outside the family who suffers and needs help.

Devotional. Allow a few minutes for anyone who would like to share a scripture they discovered during the week. It can be surprising how inspired these moments are. Let them know they may have no idea how someone sitting near them needed to hear that exact verse and testimony!

Activity. "Yay, Team!"

Prior to FHE:

Items needed:

• prepared index cards
• 8 ½" x 11" white sheets of paper
• access to internet or encyclopedia set

Prior to FHE, obtain a stack of index cards. Using the internet or an encyclopedia set, select as many states as you have family members. Create an index card to represent each selected state. (Make sure to include a picture of the state flag, the name of the state, and the phrase each state is known for; i.e. Georgia's state theme is "Wisdom, Justice, and Moderation.")

During FHE:

1. Place the prepared index cards face down on a table so the state information cannot be seen.⁽¹⁾

2. Allow each family member to select one card (perhaps you could start with the youngest first).

3. Each person reads what is on his card, acting as the statesman for his particular state. Encourage family members to enjoy sharing their state's philosophy and explaining why it is important.

4. Ask the family now to brainstorm what could be the family's "state philosophy."

5. Come up with phrases that describe the family's desired goal in this life. On the backside of one of the sheets of paper, write down all suggested themes. Put the paper in a visual place during the coming week, so family members can contemplate the different phrases. (At the next FHE, the family can meld together and finalize a new phrase fitting of the family's life goal.)

6. Allow the family to design a family flag. Make sure to use a symbolic element in the flag to represent each of the phrases shared.

7. Encourage each family member to find a way during the next week to manifest the new family flag and phrase. Explain this can be done through simple acts of service or love. Invite them to do the acts quietly, without calling attention to what they are doing. Whether it is through making the bed for someone and not saying who did it, or prepping the lunch of another family member without bragging about it, each act of service will represent the new family flag. And each of these private acts of service will strengthen the family and bring love into the home. Each act of service will solidify the new family theme/phrases and bind the family in long-lasting ways.

8. Make a copy of the family's "Yay, Team!" flag and allow each person to hang his or hers in different rooms as a visual reminder of the family's strength and solidarity.

Summary

It is undeniable that when a child chooses to stray from gospel tenets, sorrow happens in the heart of the parent. But it is also undeniable that love creates miracles. When a child feels love and sees love in a consistent way, love will bear fruit — eventually. Even the tulip, one of the most lovely of God's flowers, requires a long cold winter before it will blossom. Make sure you are blanketing the child who struggles with the greatest amount of love possible during this winter portion of his (or her) life.

My husband has set a beautiful example of constant love for me in our family. He is a steady influence of good for our children. My husband has a saying he often shares, "I may not be the fastest guy around, but I'll be there in the end — constant as a sewing machine." May we all be constant as a sewing machine for our children, continually patching and repairing their cracks with the best bond possible — love.

⁽¹⁾ Activity based off of "I Pledge Allegiance to the Flag," as found in Team Games for Trainers, by Carolyn Nilson.

C.S. Bezas' book is now in LDS bookstores and has been described as perfect for youth leaders and parents of teens. Powerful Tips for Powerful Teachers: Helping Youth Find Their Spiritual Wings is also available by clicking here.