M E R I D I A N M A G A Z I N E
Correcting Children: A Moral Obligation
by
C.S. Bezas
Enoch is one of my heroes. Not only did he face a society of deepening, repugnant wickedness with spiritual clarity and courage, he taught those surrounding him to do the same.
According to the Bible Dictionary, Enoch was the seventh from Adam. He was the father of Methuselah and a man of visions, a "vigorous exponent of the gospel of Jesus Christ" (Bible Dictionary, 665).
As a parent and priesthood leader, Enoch cared
enough to carefully correct those who erred while in their mortal paths.
His efforts to lift those around him bore such fruit that the Lord translated
his city, the city of
"And Enoch and all his people walked with God, and he dwelt in the midst of Zion; and it came to pass that Zion was not, for God received it up into his own bosom; and from thence went forth the saying, Zion is Fled" (Moses 7: 69).
Yet we can read of another parent who failed to correct his sons' errant mortal paths. Eli the priest (see 1 Samuel 1-4) knew of his sons' indiscretions and sins, yet failed to speak up. We read the Lord's perspective of this situation:
"For I have told him that I will judge his house for ever for the iniquity which he knoweth; because his sons made themselves vile, and he restrained them not" (1 Sam 3:13, emphasis added).
As a result of Eli's inactive parenting, his family suffered much misery, due to where those vile acts eventually led. The Lord states:
"In that day I will perform against Eli all things which I have spoken concerning his house: when I begin, I will also make an end....
"And therefore I have sworn unto the house of Eli, that the iniquity of Eli's house shall not be purged with sacrifice nor offering for ever" (1 Sam 3:12, 14).
Later, while
Apparently the Lord takes parenting quite seriously. Where much is given, much is required. As we look at the case of Eli, we learn that he had been a high priest and a judge. The Bible Dictionary on page 662 states that Eli was a descendant of Aaron. The fact that he tolerated wickedness cannot be ignored against the weight and responsibility of his calling, lineage, and duties.
Contrast this with Enoch, who took his lineage seriously. He descended from Adam "with whom God, himself, conversed" (see Moses 6:22). We can read of Enoch's awareness that he was from a priesthood line that had gospel responsibilities, just as in the case of Eli.
Speaking of Enoch and other of Adam's offspring:
"And they were preachers of righteousness, and spake and prophesied, and called upon all men, everywhere, to repent; and faith was taught unto the children of men" (Moses 6:23, emphasis added).
Enoch's job was not any less difficult than Eli's. They both faced potential ire from those being corrected. For example, when Enoch was called to speak to those committing horrible acts, this is what he was told:
"And he heard a voice from heaven, saying: Enoch, my son, prophesy unto this people, and say unto them Repent, for thus saith the Lord: I am angry with this people, and my fierce anger is kindled against them; for their hearts have waxed hard, and their ears are dull of hearing, and their eyes cannot see afar off" (Moses 6:27).
Enoch does feel some trepidation at this assignment. His reply is insightful, for he is human after all.
"And when Enoch had heard these words, he bowed himself to the earth, before the Lord, and spake before the Lord, saying: Why is it that I have found favor in thy sight, and am but a lad, and all the people hate me; for I am slow of speech; wherefore am I thy servant?" (Moses 6:31, emphasis added).
How familiar a feeling! As parents, sometimes we too feel our children hate us perhaps when we have instructed them in the paths of the gospel. For example, when a child has not yet turned sixteen, but feels they absolutely must date, the "hatred" they spout when the answer is "no" can sting.
Yet as parents, the evidence is clear. When it comes to that which we know is right, we choose either to be "Enoch"s or "Eli"s with our children there really is no other choice.
Am I an Enoch? or an Eli?
It would be well if we consistently watched our personal paths as parents. How important to periodically self-analyze with a few questions, perhaps similar to these:
How Do We "Correct" Correctly?
The fact that the Lord takes parenting seriously is undeniable. Therefore, let's assume we all want to be "Enochs in the eyes of the Lord, "vigorous exponents of the gospel of Jesus Christ" (Bible Dictionary, 665). Yet how are we to correct our children when correction is necessary? Because truly, our "correcting" approach gentle or otherwise will do more to reveal who we are, or where we've come thus far, than perhaps any other action.
If we study the Lord's methods of correction, they generally are the following:
Gentle: King David speaks of the Lord in the following terms: "Thou hast also given me the shield of thy salvation: and thy gentleness hath made me great" (2 Sam 22:36). Harshness causes people to close down. Gentleness opens pathways of communication. The Lord generally uses gentle tones to admonish. For references, check out D&C 38:10, 14-15; Isaiah 61:1-3; Deuteronomy 30:10.
Patient: "He that is slow to wrath is of great understanding" (Prov 14:29). The Lord sets the perfect example in this. John speaks of the "kingdom and patience of Jesus Christ" (Rev 1:9, emphasis added). If the Savior could be patient, even in pain on the cross, we certainly can strive towards this as parents, for truly, "He that is slow to wrath is of great understanding." In this crazy world, our kids definitely need our balanced approach to teaching them of eternal matters. They need to understand the true nature of God (see Jeremiah 9:24).
Strong.Being gentle and patient does not imply weakness or flimsiness in character. True boundaries do not move. The Lord is strong and unyielding when it comes to that which is right. We need to establish the Lord's boundaries, in gentleness and patience, but ensure they stay ever-present in family expectations (see Ezekiel 33:11; 43:12).
Truthful: Moses describes the Lord as: "He is the Rock, his work is perfect: for all his ways are judgment: a God of truth and without iniquity, just and right is he" (Deut 32:4). When our children see we are truthful in all things, they are more likely to respect our guidance. Our agendas become purer and it is clearer that we are parenting with eternity in mind.
Trusting: The Lord trusts that we are capable of achieving what he originally set out for us. Neither life nor our divine potential are losing matters, as much as Satan seeks to convince us otherwise. We are eternal beings, spirit children of God. We have great capability. How important it is as parents to remember our children have that same seed of Deity within them. With fasting and prayer, the Lord will help us know how to draw out the best within them, just as Enoch did for his eventually-translated city.
Thus, let us focus these endeavors toward our Family Home Evening activity this week. If, as Enoch, we are to teach and correct our children when wickedness presents itself, it is imperative they first understand the true nature of what sin is and the power that righteousness brings. Otherwise, we would be correcting without first defining desired behavior.
For example, if I told you to process a mathematical equation using "significant figures" without defining the term "significant figures" I cannot expect you to complete the assignment accurately.
Without defining gospel standards in terms even young children understand, we are missing one of the most important joys of parenting. It can be fun and satisfying to rejoice together with our children in all that God has set before them. When they begin to understand the amazing immensity of goodness God holds out for them, both the teacher and the learner can rejoice together.
Therefore, to expect children to live to a certain standard, let's first ensure we clearly define that standard not only in ways their minds can comprehend, but ways that their spirits will rejoice in. The best way to clarify standards is not only to talk about them, but to live them as adult examples.
FHE Fun.
So let's have a little fun exploring the standards and power that righteousness brings!
Opening Song: #128 When Faith Endures. Why not learn this terrific, but short, hymn that is full of comfort and faith for those who seek God's ways. To hear a sample of the click here.
Opening Prayer. Ask for a volunteer to offer the prayer, perhaps one who has not prayed recently. Before the prayer, make sure to ask if there are specific concerns or requests to be prayed about. This can be helpful to discover what your children are concerned about for this week.
Devotional. Invite family members to share a scripture they discovered during the week. Ask them to share their feelings and/or perspectives about the scripture.
FHE Theme Scripture: "Depart ye, depart ye, go ye out from thence, touch no unclean thing; go ye out of the midst of her; be ye clean, that bear the vessels of the Lord" (Isaiah 52:11). Invite each family member to mark this verse (found on page 925 in the Old Testament). After marking, ask questions similar to, "What does the prophet mean?" and "What are some of the unclean things in our world today?" "How can we help each other stay clean from the wickedness of today's society?"
Activity.
Items Needed:
Step One. Trace an outline of each family member on individual butcher paper sheets.
Step Two. Pass out crayons. As you read from Ephesians 6:11-17, have them draw each piece of armor that Paul mentions onto their body outlines.
Step Three. Pass out "For the Strength of Youth" pamphlets. Give them five to ten minutes to explore the pamphlet quietly, with instrumental hymns playing in the background. If you have younger children, you can explore this together with them or pair them with an older sibling.
Step Four. Have them select a variety of strengths/qualities from "For the Strength of Youth" pamphlet that interest them, writing one on each piece of armament.
Step Five. They then can tape or hang their "For the Strength" self-portraits/body-buddies on their bedroom doors or closets as a reminder this week of their Godly potential and of their goals.
Application.
Explain that what we see influences us and what we focus on we are more likely to achieve. That is why having their "For the Strength" body-buddies in their bedrooms this week can help them. It is important in this world that they remain strong for the Lord. This way he can bless them and they can bless him by helping others with their joyful living. The "For the Strength" body-buddies give them many ideas of how to do this.
Closing Song. Invite a family member to select a hymn he or she feels will help family members remember their "For the Strength" potential.
Closing Prayer.
Refreshments.
Summary.
Not only did Enoch face a society of deepening, repugnant wickedness with true spiritual clarity and courage, he taught those surrounding him to do the same. Eli, on the other hand, became an unfortunate example of inactive parenting.
How woeful it would be to hear our children cry at the judgment seat of God:
"The harvest is past, the summer is ended, and we are not saved" (Jeremiah 8:20).
How frightening to have this judged of them:
"For my people is foolish, they have not known me; they are sottish* children, and they have none understanding:...to do good they have no knowledge" (Jeremiah 4:22).
Our duty as parents is to echo the cry that Isaiah spoke:
"Depart ye, depart ye, go ye out from thence, touch no unclean thing; go ye out of the midst of her; be ye clean, that bear the vessels of the Lord" (Isaiah 52:11).
Until we fully engage in that responsibility, we risk becoming more like Eli and less like Enoch with each passing day. Correcting children in joy and in righteousness is a moral obligation. It begins with teaching them clearly the path towards God and eternal salvation in ways their hearts and minds can understand.
I
believe that
* Dictionary.com defines "sottish" as: stupefied with or as if with drink; drunken.
C.S. Bezas' book is now in LDS bookstores and has been called perfect for youth leaders and parents of teens. Powerful Tips for Powerful Teachers: Helping Youth Find Their Spiritual Wings is also available by clicking here.
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