Correcting Children: A Moral
Obligation
by
C.S. Bezas
Enoch is one of my heroes. Not only
did he face a society of deepening, repugnant wickedness with
spiritual clarity and courage, he taught those surrounding him
to do the same.
According to the Bible Dictionary,
Enoch was the seventh from Adam. He was the father of Methuselah
and a man of visions, a "vigorous exponent of the gospel
of Jesus Christ" (Bible Dictionary, 665).
As a parent and priesthood leader,
Enoch cared enough to carefully correct those who erred while
in their mortal paths. His efforts to lift those around him bore
such fruit that the Lord translated his city, the city of Enoch.
"And Enoch and all his people
walked with God, and he dwelt in the midst of Zion; and it came
to pass that Zion was not, for God received it up into his own
bosom; and from thence went forth the saying, Zion is Fled"
(Moses 7: 69).
Yet we can read of another parent
who failed to correct his sons' errant mortal paths. Eli the priest
(see 1 Samuel 1-4) knew of his sons' indiscretions and sins, yet failed to speak up. We read the Lord's perspective
of this situation:
"For I have told him that
I will judge his house for ever for the iniquity which he knoweth;
because his sons made themselves vile, and he restrained them
not"
(1 Sam 3:13, emphasis added).
As a result of Eli's inactive parenting,
his family suffered much misery, due to where those vile acts
eventually led. The Lord states:
"In that day I will perform
against Eli all things which I have spoken concerning his house:
when I begin, I will also make an end....
"And therefore I have sworn
unto the house of Eli, that the iniquity of Eli's house shall
not be purged with sacrifice nor offering for ever" (1
Sam 3:12, 14).
Later, while Israel was at war with the
Philistines, Eli's wicked sons were slain, his daughter-in-law
died during childbirth, and Eli died in an accident with a broken
neck.
Apparently the Lord takes parenting
quite seriously. Where much is given, much is required. As we
look at the case of Eli, we learn that he had been a high priest
and a judge. The Bible Dictionary on page 662 states that Eli
was a descendant of Aaron. The fact that he tolerated wickedness
cannot be ignored against the weight and responsibility of his
calling, lineage, and duties.
Contrast this with Enoch, who took
his lineage seriously. He descended from Adam "with whom
God, himself, conversed" (see Moses 6:22). We can read of
Enoch's awareness that he was from a priesthood line that had
gospel responsibilities, just as in the case of Eli.
Speaking of Enoch and other of Adam's
offspring:
"And they were preachers
of righteousness, and spake and prophesied, and called upon all men, everywhere,
to repent; and faith was taught unto the children of men"
(Moses 6:23, emphasis added).
Enoch's job was not any less difficult
than Eli's. They both faced potential ire from those being corrected.
For example, when Enoch was called to speak to those committing
horrible acts, this is what he was told:
"And he heard a voice from
heaven, saying: Enoch, my son, prophesy unto this people, and
say unto them Repent, for thus saith the Lord: I am angry with this people, and my fierce
anger is kindled against them; for their hearts have waxed hard,
and their ears are dull of hearing, and their eyes cannot see
afar off" (Moses 6:27).
Enoch does feel some trepidation
at this assignment. His reply is insightful, for he is human after
all.
"And when Enoch had heard
these words, he bowed himself to the earth, before the Lord, and
spake before the Lord, saying: Why
is it that I have found favor in thy sight, and am but a lad,
and all the people hate me; for I am slow of speech; wherefore
am I thy servant?" (Moses 6:31, emphasis added).
How familiar a feeling! As parents,
sometimes we too feel our children hate us perhaps when we have
instructed them in the paths of the gospel. For example, when
a child has not yet turned sixteen, but feels they absolutely
must date, the "hatred" they spout when the answer
is "no" can sting.
Yet as parents, the evidence is clear.
When it comes to that which we know is right, we choose either
to be "Enoch"s or "Eli"s with our children there really is no
other choice.
Am I an Enoch? or
an Eli?
It would be well if we consistently
watched our personal paths as parents. How important to periodically
self-analyze with a few questions, perhaps similar to these:
- When it comes to my past parenting
choices, have I chosen an "Enoch" path or an "Eli"
path?
- Where do I stand as a parent today
in the eyes of the Lord?
- Where do I intend my path as a
parent to lead in the future?
- Do I summon courage to speak to
my children regarding the gospel's clear boundaries and principles,
as did Enoch, or am I like Eli, turning a blind eye to that
which is uncomfortable perhaps to deal with (see Psalms 27:14
for courage).
- Enoch's people were translated.
Eli's posterity suffered miserably. What outcome do I desire
for my children? What can I do to remind myself of this goal
when times get tough?
How Do We "Correct"
Correctly?
The fact that the Lord takes parenting
seriously is undeniable. Therefore, let's assume we all want to
be "Enochs in the eyes of the Lord, "vigorous exponents
of the gospel of Jesus Christ" (Bible Dictionary, 665). Yet
how are we to correct our children when correction is necessary?
Because truly, our "correcting" approach gentle
or otherwise will do more to reveal who we are, or where
we've come thus far, than perhaps any other action.
If we study the Lord's methods of
correction, they generally are the following:
Gentle:
King David speaks of the Lord in the following terms: "Thou
hast also given me the shield of thy salvation: and thy gentleness
hath made me great" (2 Sam 22:36). Harshness causes
people to close down. Gentleness opens pathways of communication.
The Lord generally uses gentle tones to admonish. For references,
check out D&C 38:10, 14-15; Isaiah 61:1-3; Deuteronomy 30:10.
Patient:
"He that is slow to wrath is of great understanding"
(Prov 14:29). The Lord sets the perfect
example in this. John speaks of the "kingdom and patience
of Jesus Christ" (Rev 1:9, emphasis added). If the Savior
could be patient, even in pain on the cross, we certainly can
strive towards this as parents, for truly, "He that is slow
to wrath is of great understanding." In this crazy world,
our kids definitely need our balanced approach to teaching them
of eternal matters. They need to understand the true nature of
God (see Jeremiah 9:24).
Strong.Being
gentle and patient does not imply weakness or flimsiness in character.
True boundaries do not move. The Lord is strong and unyielding
when it comes to that which is right. We need to establish the
Lord's boundaries, in gentleness and patience, but ensure they
stay ever-present in family expectations (see Ezekiel 33:11; 43:12).
Truthful:
Moses describes the Lord as: "He is the Rock, his work
is perfect: for all his ways are judgment:
a God of truth and without iniquity, just and right is
he" (Deut 32:4). When our children see we are truthful
in all things, they are more likely to respect our guidance. Our
agendas become purer and it is clearer that we are parenting with
eternity in mind.
Trusting:
The Lord trusts that we are capable of achieving what he
originally set out for us. Neither life nor our divine potential
are losing matters, as much as Satan
seeks to convince us otherwise. We are eternal beings, spirit
children of God. We have great capability. How important it is
as parents to remember our children have that same seed of Deity
within them. With fasting and prayer, the Lord will help us know
how to draw out the best within them, just as Enoch did for his
eventually-translated city.
Thus, let us focus these endeavors
toward our Family Home Evening activity this week. If, as Enoch,
we are to teach and correct our children when wickedness presents
itself, it is imperative they first understand the true nature
of what sin is and the power that righteousness brings. Otherwise,
we would be correcting without first defining desired behavior.
For example, if I told you to process
a mathematical equation using "significant figures"
without defining the term "significant figures"
I cannot expect you to complete the assignment accurately.
Without defining gospel standards
in terms even young children understand, we are missing one of
the most important joys of parenting. It can be fun and satisfying
to rejoice together with our children in all that God has set
before them. When they begin to understand the amazing immensity
of goodness God holds out for them, both the teacher and the learner
can rejoice together.
Therefore, to expect children to
live to a certain standard, let's first ensure we clearly define
that standard not only in ways their minds can comprehend, but
ways that their spirits will rejoice in. The best way to clarify
standards is not only to talk about them, but to live them
as adult examples.
FHE Fun.
So let's have a little fun exploring
the standards and power that righteousness brings!
Opening
Song: #128 When Faith Endures.
Why not learn this terrific, but short, hymn that is full of comfort
and faith for those who seek God's ways. To hear a sample of the
click
here.
Opening
Prayer. Ask for a volunteer to offer the prayer, perhaps
one who has not prayed recently. Before the prayer, make sure
to ask if there are specific concerns or requests to be prayed
about. This can be helpful to discover what your children are
concerned about for this week.
Devotional.
Invite family members to share a scripture they discovered during
the week. Ask them to share their feelings and/or perspectives
about the scripture.
FHE Theme Scripture: "Depart
ye, depart ye, go ye out from thence, touch no unclean thing;
go ye out of the midst of her; be ye clean, that bear the vessels
of the Lord" (Isaiah 52:11). Invite each family member to
mark this verse (found on page 925 in the Old Testament). After
marking, ask questions similar to, "What does the prophet
mean?" and "What are some of the unclean things in our
world today?" "How can we help each other stay clean
from the wickedness of today's society?"
Activity.
Items
Needed:
- butcher paper
(easily obtained from the local newspaper - simply ask for an
end roll)
- "For the Strength of Youth"
pamphlets (easily obtained from your Bishop on Sunday, or
a summary can be downloaded here.
Step One. Trace an outline of each
family member on individual butcher paper sheets.
Step Two. Pass out crayons. As
you read from Ephesians 6:11-17, have them draw each piece of
armor that Paul mentions onto their body outlines.
Step
Three. Pass out "For the Strength of Youth" pamphlets.
Give them five to ten minutes to explore the pamphlet quietly,
with instrumental hymns playing in the background. If you have
younger children, you can explore this together with them or pair
them with an older sibling.
Step
Four. Have them select a variety of strengths/qualities from "For
the Strength of Youth" pamphlet that interest them, writing
one on each piece of armament.
Step Five. They then can tape or
hang their "For the Strength" self-portraits/body-buddies
on their bedroom doors or closets as a reminder this week of their
Godly potential and of their goals.
Application.
Explain that what we see influences
us and what we focus on we are more likely to achieve. That is
why having their "For the Strength" body-buddies in
their bedrooms this week can help them. It is important in this
world that they remain strong for the Lord. This way he can bless
them and they can bless him by helping others with their joyful
living. The "For the Strength" body-buddies give them
many ideas of how to do this.
Closing Song. Invite a family member to select a hymn he
or she feels will help family members remember their "For
the Strength" potential.
Closing Prayer.
Refreshments.
Summary.
Not only did Enoch face a society
of deepening, repugnant wickedness with true spiritual clarity
and courage, he taught those surrounding him to do the same. Eli,
on the other hand, became an unfortunate example of inactive parenting.
How woeful it would be to hear our
children cry at the judgment seat of God:
"The harvest is past, the
summer is ended, and we are not saved"
(Jeremiah 8:20).
How
frightening to have this judged of them:
"For my people
is foolish, they have not known me; they are sottish*
children, and they have none understanding:...to
do good they have no knowledge" (Jeremiah
4:22).
Our
duty as parents is to echo the cry that Isaiah spoke:
"Depart ye,
depart ye, go ye out from thence, touch no unclean thing; go ye
out of the midst of her; be ye clean, that bear the vessels of
the Lord"
(Isaiah 52:11).
Until
we fully engage in that responsibility, we risk becoming more
like Eli and less like Enoch with each passing day. Correcting
children in joy and in righteousness is a moral obligation. It
begins with teaching them clearly the path towards God and eternal
salvation in ways their hearts and minds can understand.
I
believe that Meridian's readers seek the same that Enoch sought:
to teach and correct children in righteousness. We do this so
that those we care about will be lifted up one day to meet the
living Lord just as were Enoch and his loved ones.
*
Dictionary.com defines "sottish"
as: stupefied with or as if with drink; drunken.
