M E R I D I A N     M A G A Z I N E

"Family ABCs"
By C.S. Bezas

When the Proclamation on the Family was given, it was more significant than members of the Church may have guessed. Now in retrospect, the inspiration of that Proclamation becomes more evident with each passing day.

President Hinckley himself said as introduction to that amazing document:

With so much of sophistry that is passed off as truth, with so much of deception concerning standards and values, with so much of allurement and enticement to take on the slow stain of the world, we have felt to warn and forewarn. In furtherance of this we of the First Presidency and the Council of the Twelve Apostles now issue a proclamation to the Church and to the world as a declaration and reaffirmation of standards, doctrines, and practices relative to the family which the prophets, seers, and revelators of this church have repeatedly stated throughout its history ("Stand Strong Against the Wiles of the World," Ensign, Nov 1995, 100).

The clarity of the role for mothers and fathers is made ever-clearer by the following words in the Proclamation:

We, the First Presidency and the Council of the Twelve Apostles of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, solemnly proclaim that marriage between a man and a woman is ordained of God and that the family is central to the Creator's plan for the eternal destiny of His children ("The Family: A Proclamation to the World," Ensign, Nov 1995, 102).

How does one effectively fulfill these God-given roles? For when one does not, the family falters. When one continues as an adult down an ever-more destructive path, the family eventually, typically, self-destructs.

Elder Robert D. Hales stated:

How we treat our family members, our neighbors, business associates, and all we meet will reveal if we have taken His name upon us and do always remembers Him (Ensign, Nov 1997, 25).

No family is perfect. All have flaws. But the glorious thing about the gospel is how the Lord has structured life for us here on the earth. We have the opportunity to stretch ourselves every time we read the scriptures, every time we attend church, every time we worship in the temples.

If we are truly interested in the things of God, He will make them readily available for us. As a result, our parenting skills will become more like His and the harmony in the family will grow.

The Miracle of Being Loved

One of the most amazing aspects about the Lord, to me at least, is His patience with us. How well He knows us! And yet, in that knowing, how much He still loves us. Is that not a miracle? Even in seeing our flaws with perfect vision, He loves us and is willing to succor us in time of need.

What an example of true parenting — that in the knowing, compassion grows.

That is the purpose behind this week's Family Home Lesson idea here at Meridian. "Family ABCs" is an easy way for you, as the parent, to understand your child's perspective of his family. The better we understand the paradigm of our children, the better we can nurture and love them after the manner of our own Heavenly Parent, even God Himself.

Activity:

After you have opened your Family Home Evening with a song, a prayer, and a devotional, why not try this simple and fun activity? It's a great way to do all that we've talked about up until now — getting to know one another in a light-hearted and fun atmosphere!

Supplies:
one piece of paper per person
one pencil or pen per person
scriptures for each member of the family
flashlight
small posterboard

Directions:

1. Hand out a piece of paper to each person. Ask everyone to write out the alphabet from A to Z down the left side of the paper.
2. Invite them to write a phrase or expression that describes a family memory or a family quality — the only restriction is that each phrase or word needs to start with each letter of the alphabet on the paper.
3. Be flexible in allowing creative phrases or spellings. Remember this is meant to be a fun activity — an activity that will give you a window into the thoughts, dreams, and desires of your family members. Accurate spelling is not necessary.
4. If you have younger children in your family, perhaps you may want to pair up into teams and get creative in the adaptation of the activity.

Variation:

1. As a family you might decide to give each participant an "alphabet sheet" with the letters already printed down the side.
2. You may want to invite family members to ponder on what makes the family great and use those thoughts throughout the week to fill in the form for next week's FHE.

An Important Thought:

The war in heaven (see Revelations 12:7) was fought over agency — those who supported it and those who did not. As parents, perhaps this can be a ticklish point for us.

We'd like our kids to love everything we do. But perhaps we don't even like everything we do. Thus, it should not be a surprise that sometimes our children (or spouse) have a different opinion about how we approach things. Therefore, if during the process of this exercise, you discover that a child has deeply held feelings regarding something to do with the family, it is then important for you to back up, take a deep breath, and remember to keep your cool.

The activity is not about being popular, but getting to know the thoughts, hearts, and minds of your loved ones. Should they manifest difficulty, as most children do at different stages in their lives, that is normal. Work to detach yourself emotionally as you read their personal "Family ABCs." Things will work out just fine as you approach all things in the demeanor that the Lord uses, in the compassion He extends.

Sharing Time:

1. Bring out the flashlight and hand it to the first participant (perhaps you might go by whose birthday comes first in the year, so as to avoid favoritism).
2. The first participant turns on the flashlight and places it in front of him. He is then free to share his "Family ABCs" for two minutes or so. The flashlight symbolizes that the person holding the flashlight can speak without being interrupted. When participants are done sharing their "ABCs," they then turn off the flashlight and hand it to the next participant.
3. This sharing continues until all have had the opportunity to speak without interruption.
4. All family members then turn to their own scriptures, searching in the Topical Guide at the end of their Bible for a scripture that goes along with one of their ABC phrases.
5. On a small poster board or sheet, family members write a reference and verse from the scripture they found that matched one of their "Family ABCs." The poster board or sheet can be displayed during the week as a reminder of the "Family ABCs" each member came up with.

Closing:

Finish with a closing song and prayer. And don't forget refreshments. Perhaps you might serve chocolate-covered pretzels that family members can arrange in the shapes of the alphabet!

Summary:

When the Lord gave the world the Proclamation on the Family, He intended it to bring light, instruction and guidance. The Proclamation can bring all these things as we study it and incorporate its counsel.

Bringing our children up in light and truth is one of the most important duties we have as parents in today's world. With so much tugging at the heartstrings of our children, with so much seeking their loyalty, it is essential that we understand our children's hopes, dreams, and perspectives. If we don't, it becomes difficult to know how and where to meet them in the corridors of their individual hearts.

The Lord is patient and kind with us. The more we get to know what delights our children, I believe the more we will feel towards them the same way the Lord feels towards us. Oh, the power of a sensitive and creatively-fun Family Home Evening!

C.S. Bezas' new book is now in LDS bookstores and has been called perfect for youth leaders and parents of teens. Powerful Tips for Powerful Teachers: Helping Youth Find Their Spiritual Wings also is available by clicking here.