M E R I D I A N     M A G A Z I N E

A Constant Amid Change
By C.S. Bezas

In a recent General Young Women meeting, President James E. Faust said:

The theme for this conference is so appropriate: “Arise and shine forth, that thy light may be a standard for the nations.” I see the light shining in your faces. That light comes from the Lord, and as you radiate that light, it will bless you as well as many others. ("Your Light — a Standard to All Nations," Ensign, May 2006, 111)

A profound statement, this. And isn't this what we want for our children and for ourselves? To "arise and shine forth"? We desire this kind of strength for our children, whether in school, in work, or in personal relationships.

Yet how many of our children are this confident? It takes strength to "arise" when everyone else insists on "sitting down" when it comes to choices of integrity. It takes courage to "shine forth" when all is darkening around us.

Lehi's vision is quite apropos for our day. In 1 Nephi 8: 26-30 we read:

26 And I also cast my eyes round about, and beheld, on the other side of the river of water, a great and spacious building; and it stood as it were in the air, high above the earth.

27 And it was filled with people, both old and young, both male and female; and their manner of dress was exceedingly fine; and they were in the attitude of mocking and pointing their fingers towards those who had come at and were partaking of the fruit.

28 And after they had tasted of the fruit they were ashamed, because of those that were scoffing at them; and they fell away into forbidden paths and were lost.

29 And now I, Nephi, do not speak all the words of my father.

30 But, to be short in writing, behold, he saw other multitudes pressing forward; and they came and caught hold of the end of the rod of iron; and they did press their way forward, continually holding fast to the rod of iron, until they came forth and fell down and partook of the fruit of the tree.

It takes gumption to cling to the iron rod while others taunt. It takes courage to stand for that which others scorn. In fact, in Lehi's dream we read of those who even reached the Tree of Life, yet later fell away. Why? Because of those who cackled and hooted at that which is good — those who were socially elevated in their pompous buildings of power and prestige.

Where are children to find the strength to refuse to succumb to this kind of ridicule? Our youth will find it best within the walls of their own home. And the prime time of the week to train them with the courage to "arise and shine forth" will be found within their family's weekly Family Home Evenings.

The world will continue to erode. Our need for successful Family Home Evenings becomes more pressing with each passing week. The gospel is a constant; within the pressures of our world, it is the iron rod. Family Home Evening, being a weekly event, allows our children to find the strength in the forum of family gospel interactions.

Engaging Each Family Member in Family Home Evening

Last week we discussed how essential it is to engage each family member in Family Home Evening. To successfully accomplish this, it is important that we not only seek to engage our children during FHE, but also before and after.

Therefore, how did you do with last week's assignment? How well did your Getting to Know You survey go? (To read that article, click here)

Was there anything that surprised you as you got to know more about your family members? Building an eternal family takes, well, an eternity. But it starts with each Monday night, getting to know one another and drawing closer to each other. In a life of changing mores and values, FHE can become a child's ever-renewing constant. That is why we work so hard to involve and to love every member in the experience. Therefore, it is only beneficial when we reach all of the family members. There is strength in numbers.

A Constant in the Midst of Change

There is much that lies before us and there is much that awaits the world. Some of it is beautiful; some of it may prove horrifying. But this much we know as Latter-day Saints. The Lord is good and kind. It is essential our children understand this at an early age, or as early as is possible.

Many prophets have witnessed of God's goodness. It is interesting that the first exclamation recorded from Lehi after being given the vision of Jerusalem's destruction was not how tough or angry a being the Lord is. Instead, Lehi exclaims:

Great and marvelous are thy works, O Lord God Almighty! ... because thou art merciful, thou wilt not suffer those who come unto thee that they shall perish! (1 Ne 1:14)

One of the many truths Lehi apparently gained from this vision was the goodness of God. His was an astonishing statement, juxtaposed against witnessing Jerusalem's awful destruction. Even after viewing the frightening devastation of Lehi's beloved Jerusalem, Lehi declares the goodness of God! He had discovered that the Lord's mercy is constant, even in the midst of necessary destruction.

Don't we all want our children to understand this about God? Don't we want them to know that those who turn to Him early receive amazing blessings of insight and protection? Perhaps we could stand to learn this a bit better ourselves.

That is why as members of Christ's church, we seek to hold Family Home Evenings weekly, consistently. For it is within the constancy of a weekly Family Home Evening that our children can come to know, like Lehi, that the Lord is good and great and that He "[will] not suffer those who come unto [him] that they shall perish!" (1 Ne 1:14)

This constant knowledge, of God's goodness, can become a backbone of strength for our youth. This will help them gain a constancy of strength in God. This will buoy them safely through the tumultuous waves of the world's ever-changing morass of morals and perspectives. Our children then will be able to "arise and shine forth" for the world about them. The more one ponders this, the easier it is to see the need for a weekly time as a family to sup with one another, in joy, in fun, in the spirit.

An Introduction to "FHE FUN"

From this point forward, this column will begin to share sample Family Home Evening lessons in these weekly columns. But first, here is an introduction.

I do not intend these to be "cookie cutter" lessons. Rather than take each week's suggestion as verbatim, instead why not ponder on the suggestion but then formulate your own plan for your own family. Who knows your loved ones' needs better than you, besides the Lord?

In other words, please understand that as we share these, they come with the purpose simply to bring about creative possibilities from you, in your own mind, for your family. As you humbly approach the Lord with any problems your family currently may face, He in turn will help you shape and fashion a far better FHE than we at Meridian could possibly create for you.

I promise you that as you pray and ponder over your approach to your Family Home Evenings, you will be blessed with personalized ideas and thoughts that will be far better than anything we could possibly come up with! The joy you will experience as you fashion each lesson to your family's needs will then be great. As this is the first sample week, the "FUN" below will be shared in greater explanatory depth than in future weeks.

[Editor's Note: For the introductory article on successful FHEs, click here]

FHE FUN: "I've Lost My Map!"

Opening Song:

Meridian's FHE theme this week is "I've Lost My Map!" After pondering previously during the week for your chosen theme, spend some time with your hymnbook to select an appropriate opening and closing hymn. (If you don't own a hymnbook, now would be a perfect time to order one. Simply go to http://www.ldscatalog.com and do a quick search for "hymn book.")

Opening Prayer:

It is essential that we pray to our Father in Heaven to begin each Family Home Evening. Gratitude is an excellent barometer of our spirituality. Thus, when we pray to express gratitude for blessings bestowed by His hand during the week, the Spirit is free to flow more freely as a result. You might want your family to how prayer will be assigned and given.

Devotional:

This is a great time for an individual in the family to share a spiritual "ah-ha" moment from the past week. You may want to pre-assign this for the first few weeks. Thereafter, it can be a beautiful time as family members become accustomed to sharing deep spiritual feelings with each other and this brief moment can then become more spontaneous.

FHE Fun:

Now for FHE FUN! This is where the survey assignment you did last week can come in handy. By knowing intricate details about your family members, you can fashion some of those details lovingly into your Family Home Evenings.

For example, my daughter loves geography and map studying. As a result, we now have a "I've Lost My Map" lesson — which I'll share with you shortly. Utilizing your family's survey, you can fashion spiritual themes alongside your children's and spouse's likes (avoiding if possible any dislikes).

In this manner, you'll be able to highlight and increase possible interest in Family Home Evening itself. If a child knows in advance that one of their "likes" is going to be featured in the next FHE, he will most likely be curious and mentally involved with the experience — even if on the surface he may appear a wee bit too nonchalant about participating. (Vulnerability takes a while to get used to for some kids!)

Supplies (any or all of the below items — get creative and have fun).

Activity: 60-Second World Vacation

Pull out the world map and the timer. Challenge each person to find three places to pretend to visit in the world. Give them 60 seconds for their "trip." Have them write down the names of the towns and the associated countries for the three locations they "visited." (The non-reading younger children can draw pictures of "Grandma's house," "the park," and so on, or they can help hold the crayons for their older siblings.)

At the end of the 60 seconds, read the quote from President Faust included at the beginning of this article. Bring out the flashlight and explain that the flashlight represents each person's unique light, perspective and value. Each person whose turn it is to speak gets to turn the flashlight on and place it beaming from the floor to the ceiling. The flashlight serves as a symbol of President Faust's statement to "arise and shine forth." The flashlight also serves as a reminder that no one talks while others share about their "trip": where they went and why they chose it.

Now that the "flashlight" rule is understood, go around the room for a 60-second mini-tour of each person's "vacation." When one person is finished being a "tour guide" for their 60-second vacation, he passes the flashlight on to the next person. (The item simply and kindly trains the family not to interrupt. This way you won't have to nag on this matter; remember, FHE is meant to be spiritual AND fun! And family members should enjoy being able to be respected while they talk.)

Application

Once everyone has a chance to share his earthly "trip" around the world, put away the flashlight. Then ask the group exploratory questions, such as, "These were earthly trips, but where are we going after this life?" "Have others seen that place and reported on it?" "If we haven't seen it ourselves, how do we find knowledge about it?"

The purpose of the questions is not for you to teach a lesson per se, but to get your children thinking. When you stimulate group discussion, you stimulate individual thought. This leads to delightful ideas and strengthening moments.

It is important to state here the need for respectful treatment of other people's feelings and ideas.

Family members really can learn to explore thoughts together without hurting each other in the process. This level of respect may take some time to instill, but with consistent training and modeling, it will come.

Once children are thinking on these spiritual terms, have them pull out their scriptures. You are about ready to send them "world exploring" within those inspired pages. But first, a thought.

Are we not to train our children for their future, that which awaits them during rest of their lives? The average child lives at home for perhaps 18 to 21 years. After that, assuming no early death, they will live on average another 60 years away from home. As they have questions in life, it is imperative they learn to go to their scriptures and to their Heavenly Father to obtain truth. Carefully planned FHEs will help you train your children in this regard.

Thus, after every activity engaged in during FHE, it is important to allow your children to explore the principle as it pertains to him. It would be advisable to not play the "devil's advocate" by asking mischievous questions. Instead, be a good parent by leading them to spiritual discovery with sincere questions similar to what Ammon asked of Lamoni:

Believest thou that there is a God?...Believest thou that there is a Great Spirit?...Believest thou that this Great Spirit, who is God, created all things which are in heaven and in the earth?..." (Alma 18:24-28)

Lamoni was young in his understanding of the nature of God. Ammon was gentle in his work with Lamoni. So much of Ammon's technique as he taught Lamoni really came in the form of sincere questions. The best teachers do that, focusing mostly on "who", "what", "why" or "where" kind of questions ("yes" or "no" questions are useful only in certain settings).

Effective teachers spend more time building relationships of trust and prodding their students with insightful questions, than they do by lecturing at their pupils. Get your children thinking by posing profound and full-of-faith questions that will lead them to discovery of Christ.

"I've Lost My Map"

Then, ask your children what happens if you lose a map — especially if you're going to a new place. Allow them to share their thoughts.

Allude to the fact that this is like so many people in the world, who are here without the "map" the scriptures bring. If your children are younger, make sure they understand the concept of a "gospel map."

Ask the family what things might be confusing for somebody without the scriptures. Allow a few minutes of discussion, just wisely nodding and rarely speaking yourself.

Ask the family what kinds of important decisions somebody might make without a "gospel map." How important might it be to share the scriptures with others, at the appropriate times?

Next ask each family member to find a scripture that could help somebody that is lost or confused, especially if they were making an important decision in life. The group is now ready for the possible next segment, closing with a "Your Thoughts, My Thoughts" activity or sharing moment.

"Your Thoughts, My Thoughts"

Each family's FHE can be structured in a wide variety of ways. This portion is just a suggestion. It serves to close the FHE lesson with an opportunity for each person to ponder the topic out loud in closing or privately throughout the week.

"Your Thoughts, My Thoughts" is the personal application portion of FHE, where members can share their thoughts on how the principle covered in the lesson applies to themselves. It would be important to remember to keep this "I" focused, NOT "you" focused ("Well, YOU need this lesson more than I do, because YOU..." etc.)

One way to keep this "I" focused is to have a hands-on, contemplative activity. For example, for this "geography/trip" approach, you could hand each person a second blank piece of paper. Have them fold it into what looks like a brochure. Tell them that a "travel brochure" is a helpful piece of information when in a new land. They are going to make "spiritual travel brochures." 1 Then turn them loose into their personal scriptures with the assignment to find a chapter in the Book of Mormon that could help somebody who is lost or confused in life.

They could title the front of their "spiritual brochure" with their spiritual theme for helping a lost soul (i.e. Faith, Joy, Repentance). On the front, they could draw a picture to symbolize this theme. They then would select a chapter of scripture along that theme (making good use of the Topical Guide in the back of their scriptures).

Within their brochure based on their targeted chapter of scripture verse, they could draw pictures of the scripture story line, outlining helpful truths from their chapter and writing their testimony, and so on. Remind them that they are creating a spiritual "map" or "brochure" for somebody who doesn't have one.

You may want to give your family additional time during the week to read their selected chapter even more deeply and continue to make additions to their "spiritual travel brochures." Then when next week's FHE arrives, the lesson could consist of each family member sharing their helpful information.

A "Your Thoughts, My Thoughts" portion gives personal space for each family member to ponder the spiritual concept introduced in Family Home Evening that week. It varies in its approach. The overall purpose is to allow each person private space and time to find spiritual truths for themselves within the pages of their scriptures. It also creates a more accessible teaching approach, rather than pounding children over the head with a lesson that gives no time for their thoughts or questions.

Make sure as you close this portion of FHE to share your testimony as the spirit dictates.

Closing Song:

Again, select a hymn to close with. This could even be the hymn sung at the beginning of tonight's FHE, simply repeated for the purpose of learning it. In fact, maybe the family would like to spend time each evening before evening prayers, singing it again, in the efforts to learn it together. Whatever the case may be, closing with a hymn can bring the spirit and help train the family to focus on a unified activity.

Closing Prayer:

Before praying, why not ask the family as to anything they think needs the Lord's help in the coming week. Perhaps Johnny has a test coming up or Susie has a performance. These are things that could be prayed for as a family. Isn't it a delightful and strengthening experience to hear yourself mentioned in prayer by another family member? We want all our children to be blessed by these kinds of moments. Together, all of these things add up to stronger family bonds.

Refreshments:

This can be one of the most enjoyable parts of FHE. Personally, I'm not a food person and I struggle to find creative dishes to prepare. But my daughter loves "playing" in the kitchen, cooking to her heart's delight. Thus, I've turned this portion of FHE over to her — which allows her to grow in responsibility and service to the rest of us. There really is nothing like sharing a heaping banana split dessert and laughing together as a family as the final touch of greatness to FHE!

Summary.

There you have it — one sample Family Home Evening, based off of my daughter's love of geography. Geography is her "thing," and by founding a Family Home Evening upon her interest (weaving spiritual direction throughout it), her interest goes up in participating in the activity.

When we approach our children individually in advance, letting them know we're structuring an FHE on one of their interests, this gives them a moment to shine. Better yet, by enlisting individual children's help in actual lesson preparation, magical moments can occur.

It is so important to remember that Family Home Evening can be fun. Better yet, its purpose is to deliver spiritual strength, insight and courage to our children. We do this by making sure we include the scriptures as an extension of the lesson's theme and fun. Each FHE can vary in length and effort, following the dictates of the spirit.

Yet it is important not to get caught up in the idea that every Family Home Evening has to be an extreme success. It's just that by being consistently there — engaging our children on some level as a family — it gives them one more constant in their life.

What parent does not want to give children constancy in this unstable world? By sharing the gospel with them in real ways, ways that incorporate their interests, each week we then provide our children an opportunity to reflect upon what matters most. This then helps them "arise and shine forth" in the various challenges in front of them.

Truly, fun FHEs strengthen kids — and we might be surprised how much they end up strengthening us. The end result is a family that remains constant, no matter the change occurring in any section of the world traveled!

C.S. Bezas' new book is now in LDS bookstores and has been called perfect for youth leaders and parents of teens. Powerful Tips for Powerful Teachers: Helping Youth Find Their Spiritual Wings also is available by clicking here.

1 Resource for Spiritual Brochure idea came from Hands-On Reading Activities , Harcourt School Publishers.

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