Family Home Evenings: Fearful or Fun?
By C.S. Bezas

Does the phrase “Family Home Evening” send shivers down your spine? Do your ears ring with your children’s heated arguments during FHE? Does the thought of prepping another lesson make you feel tired? Do you even hold Family Home Evening?

Maybe your Family Home Evenings are always fun, delightsome, and run smoothly. Perhaps quarreling never happens in your family during Family Home Evening. If so, congratulations! You are achieving what latter-day prophets have advised families to do since 1915 — to use one night a week to strengthen the family. We'd love to hear your excellent ideas on how you have achieved this. Please write us to share your experiences, triumphs, and suggestions.

But many struggle with making FHE the best it can be. So for those, we offer this column for you! Not only will you find sample lessons in the coming weeks, but also ideas on how to increase spiritual strength for each family member — beginning even with yourself.

Sample FHE

There are as many different ways to run a Family Home Evening as there are people. But a simple outline can always help. Whatever approach you choose for your family's FHEs, it would be good to make it a matter of prayer and pondering as you select your approach.

The overall purpose of FHE is for families "to study the gospel together and to do other activities that strengthen the family spiritually, create family memories, and increase unity and love."1 With that in mind, here is a simple outline you may choose to follow:

• Opening Song: It is highly recommended that you begin FHE with a song. Not only can it bring the Spirit of God into your home, but it may be the only time the family is truly united with a singular purpose. (When people are singing, it's hard to quarrel!) It can take some time to train a family to focus together on a unified activity or goal. Why not begin simply, with a hymn?
  
  
• Opening Prayer: It is essential that we pray to our Father in Heaven to begin each Family Home Evening. Gratitude is an excellent barometer of our spirituality. Thus, when we pray to express gratitude for the blessings bestowed by His hand during the week, the Spirit will be able to flow more freely during our FHE time together as a result.
  
  
• Personal Devotional: Why not start each FHE with a family member volunteering to share something spiritual he or she learned that week? Maybe he had an "ah ha" moment during personal scripture study. Or a missionary moment. Or a change of heart — or some other manifestation. The sharing of these spiritual moments might feel awkward at first, but what an excellent opportunity for a different family member each week to share a brief and/or spontaneous spiritual devotional in FHE. This potentially can enhance the beginning of each FHE by bringing the Spirit in powerful ways. For isn't this where living the gospel is at — enlarging the soul of each child of God? The personal devotional need only be a simple verse of scripture that touched the child during the week or a brief testimony. Whatever it might be, let the moment be directed by the Spirit.
  
  
• Lesson: After the opening song, prayer, and devotional, an FHE "lesson" might be visiting a children’s burn unit at the hospital to tell stories to the kids. The "lesson" might be inviting neighbors over to play the game Spoons. Or that lesson might be a hands-on study of King Benjamin's address in the Book of Mormon (complete with children making and resting in little blanket tents, after which you read an abbreviated "speech" from Mosiah 4:13-16). Whatever the "lesson" might be, if your emphasis is on building family unity, you will find the right blend and approach to the main portion of FHE: lesson time that focuses on gospel study (whether that study is through the scriptures or hands-on scripture activities through service).
  
  
• "Your Thoughts, My Thoughts" Time: All too often in FHEs, the person giving the lesson finishes by bearing testimony and then ends the lesson without allowing family the time to discuss application, their thoughts, or other things. Yet these reflections can be some of the most important or valuable moments resulting from FHE. Skilled teachers weave discussion from the group throughout their lessons. But if this is something you're still learning how to do, why not consider opening up a "Your Thoughts, My Thoughts" portion after the end of lesson — no matter what or where the activity or lesson may have physically been. For example, you can even do this driving home from the hospital, if that is where your "lesson" took you. A "Your Thoughts, My Thoughts" time at the end of each FHE allows your children to ask questions and to share their thoughts. Remember, personal application of FHE lessons is where the jewels come from, from the efforts. A "what-are-your-thoughts" moment at the end of lesson, if not done during, can be priceless.
  
  
• Closing Song: Again, some families are blessed with children who have strong personalities. This means at times there is bickering with differences of opinion. What a blessed moment, then, to have peace as hymns are sung. We can feel more united as a family in these moments. You may never know what it is that your children will remember most from these FHE moments together.
  
  
• Closing Prayer: Just prior to the closing prayer, why not ask the family what concerns they have. These concerns then can be shared with the Lord during the closing prayer, petitioning Him for help specifically with these challenges. You might be surprised with what little Susie and Johnny share that they'd like prayed about. This can give great insight into what they are facing. And it is important for them to know that the Lord has all power to aid them when asked for help.
  
  
• Refreshments: It has been said that few modern families spend time eating together around the dinner table. Depending on your family's schedule, this might describe your situation. If so, how much more important it is especially then, after FHE, to share refreshments sitting around your kitchen table. Eating food together has been proven to be a bonding experience. Whether it is from the sharing of that food, from the conversation, or simply from looking eye to eye at each other (an activity that seems rarer and rarer these days), I'm not sure. But studies have shown that families who eat together for some reason seem to weather the storms of life better. "Refreshments" after FHE may seem like a small thing, but they aren't. They are the final "fun" glue of the spiritual strengthening factor of FHE.
  

Some families include a planning session during their FHE. Here is a suggestion as to why not do this. The purpose of FHE is to strengthen each family member. Really, how much time do we set aside as a family during the week for spiritual efforts? FHE time is valuable. Do you really want to use that time for discussion over carpools, school or work conflicts, and other mundane issues? How much better to set aside FHE time for something that will "strengthen the family spiritually, create family memories, and increase unity and love" (as stated above). You can hold planning sessions at another time during the week.

Summary

When President Joseph Fielding Smith and his counselors designated Monday Night for "Family Home Evening" back in 1970, they did so to strengthen families. We've been counseled to give highest priority and urgency to this sacred meeting. We might well approach it with the same reverence that we do sacrament meeting, for it is herein that we are about God's work — that of strengthening and providing gospel sustenance to His children, adult and young alike.

Whether or not we are married, whether or not we have children, we still have been urged to hold FHE on Monday nights so that we are protected against the evils of the day. In so doing, we are promised powerful and protective blessings as we adapt this amazing time together to the needs of our family members.

And as we base our lessons on the words of the prophets — both from the scriptures and from General Conference — we will be aided from on high to create memorable and spiritually strengthening moments for each family member. In so doing, we need not dread FHE any longer! Instead, our FHEs will be strengthening — and fun!

1 "Family Home Evening," LDS.org, Click here.

Next week C.S. Bezas will discuss how to engage even the most recalcitrant of family members in FHE — teens.

C.S. Bezas' new book is now in LDS bookstores and has been called perfect for youth leaders and parents of teens. Powerful Tips for Powerful Teachers: Helping Youth Find Their Spiritual Wings is also available by clicking here.

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