As time rolls on and I reflect on the years of my life, it seems rather natural to divide those bygone days into three general categories: my time as a child; my time as a father; my time as a grandfather. I would have liked to add another period – my time as a grandchild – but my grandparents were gone before I could come to know them.

My time as a child was largely a time of self service; not understanding much about the joy of service to others or the sacrifices of those who raised me and taught me. It was a time of immortality threatened only by a bad complexion, dating failures, and algebra.

My time as a father taught me much about that which I missed in my youth – putting other's needs before my own, being willing to serve without fanfare, recognizing the right of every person to make choices even when they are contrary to mine, loving unconditionally.

My time as a grandfather is a time to love, listen and leave. Having the time and means to spend a few hours with the grandkids and the energy to live in their magical make-believe world without the intrusion of reality or any reference thereto.

Presently we count forty-four grandchildren (with one to be added soon). Our home is in Michigan which happens to be about seven hundred miles from the closest of these. Most of the rest live even farther away, on the west coast, which means that we don't have the luxury of having them stop by when they happen to be in the neighborhood or vice versa.

And because they are so far removed it has become a time for staying home and using the miracles of science and long-distance love to connect to their lives with the hope that they will feel our caring from afar.

With the ready availability of such things as email and cell phones almost everyone is just a click or two away… and that is really convenient. But we have found that grandkids, in particular, are not especially turned on by those methods of communication so we have developed a few other connective links which have helped to shrink the miles that separate us.

Welcome Book

When the Lord sends us a grand new baby, we often find it beyond our means or circumstances to be in attendance. Therefore, we have adopted the practice of sending the recent arrival a Welcome Book. In its pages are pictures of the grandparents, uncles, aunts, cousins, as well as their own immediate family, accompanied by a few words of warm reception from each family. In addition, there is a special letter from gramma and grampa expressing our excitement for their birth and a few words meant to communicate our hopes and dreams for their success. It's a small gesture but it provides a keepsake that we hope will be a constant reminder, as they grow, of the love we feel for them.

Baptism Commitment

As the number of our grandkids rapidly grew, we became quite aware that we would not be able to be a part of many of those special moments that mark a young person's life, especially in the church. Events such as baptisms, receiving the priesthood, moving out of Primary into Young Women, graduating from high school, or any of the many other milestones that will impact their lives would have to be missed. So we deliberated as to what we could do to alleviate some of the frustration we were feeling. We asked ourselves this question: “If we could only make it to one of these events in each of their lives, which would it be?” Our conclusion was to make every effort to be to each of their baptisms.

We have kept that commitment as well as we could but have had to miss a few due to our receiving a two-year mission assignment from which we recently returned.

At the time of our visit, we present to each child a journal, with the encouragement to make their first entry a description of the feelings they are experiencing during this once-in-a-lifetime moment.

“Lose To Find” Gift

Over the years we found that our Christmas gift giving routine had become overly cumbersome as we attempted to buy those “just right gifts” for all twelve of our children and their spouses and their children. It seemed that in order to keep up we often had to start buying for next Christmas the day after the just celebrated Christmas and then keep our eyes open all year round to get the things we thought that they would treasure but which, truth be known, would likely be forgotten shortly after the wrapping paper was removed.

Somehow this scenario just didn't seem to be quite right.

After a few years of this kind of frantic buying we came to the conclusion that we were not contributing to the real meaning of the season for us or our family. As we deliberated on the matter, our attention was drawn to a scripture in Matthew where the Savior taught his disciples about the need to put him first in their lives so that they would be blessed with the promises of eternal life; “ For whosoever will save his life shall lose it: and whosoever will lose his life for my sake shall find it.”

Being reminded that Jesus has continually stressed that if we would desire to serve him, we would serve one another, we opted to reduce our gift buying and at the same time, make an attempt to encourage our children and grandkids to bring some measure of joy to the lives of those they knew who were struggling. So, to each family we send $100 (“The Lose To Find Gift) with the encouragement to have their family sit in counsel to decide how it might be best used. We further suggested that the children be particularly involved in the decision making and the implementing of the plan.

Over the last several seasons we have received several reports from our children indicating that this practice has made a difference in the way they have felt about the Christmas season. Some have played Secret Santa and delivered a gift box to a needy family (anonymously) while others have given the $100 to someone who would need it for necessities. Many other ideas have been tried and in almost all cases they (our family) have been blessed with increased peace and appreciation for their many blessings.

Harbertson Herald

Every couple of months or so we publish a newsletter that is sent to each family. This letter is a multi-faceted document which is designed to bring some of our life's doings to them and hopefully bring some of their life's doings to us. It also typically contains games, puzzles, riddles, humor, ideas to increase spiritual awareness, questions about their favorite things, etc. Liberal use of clip art and photos bring added life to the publication.

Usually the newsletter has a theme centered on either the current season of the year or a major holiday just celebrated or about to be. Most commonly the favorite parts of the letter, as we are informed, are the stories from our youth. We call it “Grampa Remembers or Gramma Remembers”.

In addition, when we can find the time and inspiration, we will include stories and poems, which we compose, intended to illustrate gospel principles in action.

Book of Mormon Story Books

Better than thirty years have passed since my wife composed several Book of Mormon stories put to rhyme and meter. The original idea was to find someone to illustrate her work and then seek publication. Due to a variety of circumstances the project didn't go forward and her work lay in a box gathering dust until the time that we began to search for the ways and means to more effectively reach out to our grandkids.

Upon rediscovering the manuscripts, we immediately began to employ modern technology (clip art) to accomplish the long-overdue illustrations. Soon several of the finished pages were bound, heat sealed, and ready for delivery. To date we have completed seven books and have another twenty or so in waiting. From time to time we include one of these stories with the Harbertson Herald or use them for gifts.

The stories are true to the scriptural accounts and often use the actual language of the scriptures. Our vision for these booklets is two-fold: 1) Whet the grandchildren's appetite for the scriptures, and 2) confirm in their minds our love for the word of God.

Reunions

As our immediate family grew in number and miles apart, and as our ties with the extended family became less apparent, we concluded that it would be important to do what we could to maintain as much physical closeness as possible. It was decided that we would organize a bi-annual reunion schedule. When we made this decision, every family agreed (contracted is a little strong) under threat of censorship, that they would make every effort to be in attendance.

It was also decided that there would be a genuine effort made to find a location (so far we have used a different locale each time) that would be as inexpensive and as kid-friendly as possible. As it has turned out, everyone has contributed to the finding and organizing of the gatherings and with rare exceptions everyone has been in attendance.

We have usually arranged for a four or five-day stay. Items such as food, bedding, day activities, family home evening and the like are handled by committee assignments.

A couple of years ago we saw and were moved by a film titled “The Ultimate Gift”, taken from a novel of the same name. The essence of the story is a promise of wealth and an “Ultimate Gift” to be received by a spoiled grandson of a recently deceased billionaire grandfather, if he is able to accomplish several difficult assignments in a specified period of time. When he finally succeeds, to his surprise the ultimate gift turns out to be the personal growth he has experienced especially as he has learned selflessness. (He also gets one final gift of a billion dollars or so)

We saw in this story a scenario that could be put into place, on a much smaller scale, with our adolescent grand-children.

As it turned out, at the time of seeing the movie, we had several grandchildren who had just turned twelve or were close to it (only one was much older). We felt that this was a good age to try this experiment because it is a time when so many important events are occurring their lives and it is an age when the need to be independent is starting to show definite signs of surfacing.

So we contacted our children who had kids in this age range and described to them what we had in mind. Our description went something like this: We believe that the kids are at the age where they are capable of showing and need to be encouraged to show increased self control and discipline. We would like to challenge them to accomplish three tests or assignments, the completion of which would bring to them two gifts from us. These two gifts would be called “Grand Gifts for a Grand Kid”.

The challenges would be determined by the parents as they considered the areas of their child's behavior that needed the most attention. These might include things like developing a scripture reading schedule or getting along with a sibling or doing better in their school work. Once those things were decided, we put together the rules and regulations that they would be required to follow in order to successfully complete the test. Usually the tests each lasted a week or two.

We would then put together a video (following the pattern of the movie) in which we would present the program to the grandchild. If they wanted to give it a try we would describe each test (only one at a time) and then indicate to them that when their parents were satisfied that they had done what was required they, the grandchild, would send us a letter telling us what they had learned. After that they would view the next segment of the video to find out what the following test was to be. When all three tests were successfully finished then we would reveal to them the two gifts which were the lessons they learned and $100 (you can determine your own reward system).

Wonderful results have been seen as each child has gone through the process of tackling a challenging area of their life and coming out on top.

There is nothing quite as rewarding as physically being with your grandkids. But we feel that we have found some effective ways to compensate for their absence.

As an additional compensation we have a “tongue-in-cheek quote displayed on our wall that reminds us that there is a limit as to what a grandparent can absorb; especially when there could be as many as a few dozen little ones vying for our attention:

“An hour with your grand children can make you feel young again. Anything longer than that and you start to age quickly.”