M E R I D I A N     M A G A Z I N E

Fathers — Leading and Guiding the Family in Righteousness
By Jonathan H. Westover

What it Means to be a Father

Most simply defined, a father is one who raises a child. However, there is much more to it than this. Fathers have many important responsibilities and roles, including (in no particular order):

• breadwinner
• handyman/household worker/yard worker
• husband/friend to spouse
• role model
• dad/friend to children
• teacher/instructor/educator
• disciplinarian
• concerned citizen/community volunteer
• church worker and priesthood leader

However, out of all of these responsibilities and roles competing for our time and attention, the most important role of a father is the call as the patriarch of the home. The title "father" is very sacred in nature, and Patriarchal means of the father.

The first father of this world was God the Father, who is the prefect model of righteous fatherhood and parenting. Additionally, President Benson taught, a father's calling “is an eternal calling from which [he is] never released" (Conference Report, Oct. 1987, p. 59; or Ensign, Nov. 1987, p. 48).

On a separate occasion, President Benson said, "God established that fathers are to preside in the home. Fathers are to provide love, teach, and direct" (Conference Report, Apr. 1984, p. 6; or Ensign, May 1984, p. 6). Thus, as presiding patriarch of the home, fathers have the weighty responsibility to lead and guide the family in righteousness, while working hand-in-hand with their spouse in teaching and directing their children in what I would suggest are five key areas of personal development:

1. Physical Development
2. Social Development
3. Intellectual Development
4. Emotional Development
5. Spiritual Development

Lessons Learned from Dad

I have learned many important lessons in each of these areas from my own dad. It should be noted that there were certainly times, particularly during my teenage years, when I did not fully appreciate all that my dad was trying to do for me and my other siblings, nor did I understand the many complexities and unique challenges of parenthood or adult life that he faced. However, I can now look back in appreciation of the efforts my dad did make, despite any inevitable imperfections he may have had, and I hope that I can do as well in the raising of my children and the leading of my own family.

As I share some of what he has taught me, I encourage you to think about similar or parallel experiences you may have had with your own father or that you may have experienced while parenting your own children.

Physical Development

Fathers have the opportunity to actively interact with their children to help them develop good physical habits, develop a strong work ethic, and reinforce good behavior. Though my father is probably not the best example of a prime physical specimen, he did always encourage me to explore sports and other physical activities, and he always provided a strong example of work ethic.

I remember playing basketball with him in the driveway, with him teaching me how to dribble, pass, and shoot. We would play catch in the backyard and he taught me how to hit a baseball. When I was old enough, my parents signed me up for Little League, and my dad was always there to cheer me on and provide tips for improved performance. He supported me when I wrestled and played tennis, and though he was never much of a scouter himself, he always encouraged me to be involved and go on bike rides, hikes, and camping trips.

Additionally, we often worked in the yard as a family and always had our individual inside chores that we were assigned. From the age of ten, my father got me out helping my older siblings on a paper route, which eventually I inherited. The paper route eventually was replaced by other typical teenage jobs, but the lesson was learned — work, in whatever form, is important in the development of a child's maturation. I still do not exercise as often or eat as healthily as I should, and sometimes I feel a little lazy, but I am better off than I would be if it were not for my dad's example and encouragement.

Social Development

Another important component to any child's development is his ability to understand social situations and appropriately interact with those around him. Though I was always a bit nerdy and socially awkward, my parents always encouraged each of us kids to play with the neighbor kids and often provided many opportunities to get to know and become friends with our many cousins.

My dad always encouraged me to explore my talents and interests and to get involved in extracurricular activities at school and in the community. He supported me when I was involved in community theater productions or when one of my choral groups performed. He pushed me to get involved in school clubs and sports, all of which helped me to get a little more out of my comfort zone and meet new people.

Additionally, my father trained all of us from an early age to be amateur behavioral scientists, always seeking to understand social issues and explore why people behave the way they do. In some ways, this might have promoted and enhanced my already inherent nerdiness, but it also helped me to look at the world and my interactions with others in a new, and often instructive, light.

Intellectual Development

Fathers also play a vital role in the intellectual development of their children. Regardless of formal education level, all fathers can be an important example of the importance and value of life-long learning and can be actively involved the education of their child.

Although I did not need much prodding from my parents to do my schoolwork, they were always involved and interested in my various school projects and my academic progression. My father would often read my papers and provide feedback to help me improve my writing and logical thinking. He often engaged me in debates on various issues and tried to get me to develop my abstract critical thinking skills.

Even now, as I am married with my own children, I talk weekly with my father, often discussing components of my continuing education, such as my coursework, my various research and writing projects, or classes that I am teaching. We also often discuss things like professional goals and career trajectory. All of my father's efforts have helped me to develop important skills and gain an education that enable me to provide for me family, all while helping me to learn more about myself and what I would like to do for the rest of my life.

Emotional Development

As children grow up, they face new and diverse varieties of emotional stressors in their life. It may start with the anxiety of that first day at school, the challenge of seeking acceptance and making new friends, and progress into the common frustrations and insecurities common in the teenage years. How children deal with these various stressors and learn to understand, manage, and control their emotions is an important component of their personal development.

My father, a practicing family therapist, always encouraged my siblings and me to identify what we were feeling, understand the emotion's sources, and seek a proactive and healthy outlet for the expression of our emotions. Additionally, my father often provided important emotional support in times of struggle and trial.

While on my mission, struggling to learn a difficult language and trying to learn how to be an effective missionary in an unfamiliar culture, my dad was always there, in the form of weekly letters, to encourage me, provide insight, and inspire me to move forward and never give up. Though I am definitely not the best example emotional self-mastery, I am grateful for my father's example and often unappreciated efforts that have helped me to better understand and improve myself and learn to never give up.

Spiritual Development

Arguably the most important lessons a father can teach his children are spiritual in nature. I can think back to many examples of my father, as he strived to help me develop my own personal testimony, learn to recognize the promptings of the spirit, and become spiritually prepared to one day serve a mission, marry in the temple, and lead my own family in righteousness.

I remember the many occasions for one-on-one time with my dad, both formal and informal, as we discussed what I learned in church or in seminary, what I had been reading in my personally scripture study, and discuss my gospel questions. He often poked and prodded me to reflect on the spiritual experiences I had experienced, while challenging me to always turn to the Lord with my challenges, problems, and questions.

He taught me from a very young age that it is not enough to merely follow church leaders, but that I needed to always follow the example of Nephi and seek out the Lord to know the truth for myself, and then follow. Though I often feel as though I am falling far short of his persistent and strong example of dedicated church service and obedience to the commandments of God, I know that I am a better man for all he taught me.

Receiving Revelation and Magnifying our Roles as Patriarch of the Home

Just thinking and reflecting on all of the things my dad did — and continues to do — for me make me feel a little overwhelmed. How am I ever going to be the kind of father he was to me?

In order for me and all fathers to perform in all of our roles and fulfill the weighty responsibility of leading and guiding the family in righteousness, it is of paramount importance that husbands and fathers work to magnify their role as patriarch of the home and seek continual inspiration and revelation from our Heavenly Father.

The Book of Mormon tells us much about revelation and inspiration. We know that "all things shall be revealed unto the children of men." (2 Nephi 27:11; see also 2 Nephi 30:17-18; Mormon 5:8) Furthermore, we know that "no man knoweth of his ways save it be revealed unto him." (Jacob 4:8) We learn from Alma that God makes His mysteries known by the spirit of revelation (Alma 5:46), and from Ammon that things never revealed will be revealed to those who (1) repent, (2) exercise faith, (3) pray, and (4) do good works (Alma 26:22 ). Finally, we know that we must teach and preach with the spirit of prophecy and revelation (Alma 43:2).

There are knowledge and guidance to be had through revelation, but learning to recognize the promptings of the Spirit can be a difficult task. Though we are warned, "If you ever receive promptings to do something that makes you feel uneasy, something you know in your mind to be wrong and contrary to the principles of righteousness, do not respond to it," we are assured by President Packer that, "By trail, and some error, [we] will learn to heed [the promptings of the Spirit]" ("Personal Revelation," Oct. 1994 Conference). We can take assurance that "every thing which inviteth and enticeth to do good, and to love God, and to serve him, is inspired of God" (Moroni 7:13).

With the gift of the Holy Ghost and the light of Christ as our companions, we all have the opportunity to receive personal guidance and direction from God. Think of a time when you felt some personal guidance and inspiration in your life. What was the situation and context surrounding the experience? How did you feel? How did you act in response to the inspiration you received? What was the outcome? As we reflect upon experiences we have had in the past, we may be better able to recognize future experiences.

As fathers and priesthood holders in God's church, we must prepare ourselves to receive and follow revelation. This includes learning of God's will through the scriptures, the words of the Prophet, and through the spirit, as we diligently and faithfully study our scriptures, attend the temple, and pray.

Furthermore, we must strive for personal spiritual development, that we will be better prepared to use the promptings and revelation the Lord blesses us with, as we perform priesthood ordinances and blessings, magnify our callings and stewardships, raise our children and cultivate close family relationships, and seek to fulfill our personal stewardships and make important life decisions.

In our quest for increased spiritual sensitivity, we must continually take the time for self-reflection and self-assessment. We should ask ourselves the question, "Do I feel of the Spirit and receive inspiration/revelation daily?" — for we are entitled if we prepare ourselves and are worthy.

If the answer is no, or if we want to work at enhancing the experiences we are having, we must ask ourselves how we can better:

• seek knowledge and understanding
• show a willingness to do God's will
• trust in the Lord and exercise my faith
• be obedient
• cultivate a heart of thanksgiving towards God
• work to serve others
• cultivate a firm faith in Christ
• use what the Lord has already given me
• unwearyingly declare the word of God
• not fear men
• become selfless
• seek God's will

Taking the time to reflect on these questions and prayerfully seeking answers will prepare us to receive responses through the promptings of the Spirit and enable us to find ways to better prepare ourselves for personal direction and guidance from God.

Model of Perfect Fatherhood

I am very grateful for the model of perfect fatherhood that our Father in Heaven offers to us. Sometimes we can feel overwhelmed and discouraged by all that is expected of us, but we need not. We are blessed with the opportunity to receive personal guidance and strength in all that we do. Indeed, we should always follow the admonition of Christ when he said, "Look unto me in every thought; doubt not, fear not" (D&C 6:36).

We have been told that through revelation and the priesthood we might have "power to do may mighty works in [God's] name" (Alma 19:4). This does not just apply to the general authorities, but to all of us in our various priesthood and personal stewardships. If we look to Christ in all that we do and strive to align our will with the will of God, we can accomplish all that the Lord has in store for each of us.