M E R I D I A N M A G A Z I N E
Love Stories That
Linger . . .
by Sean E. Brotherson
Teaching Through
Love Stories
Some years ago while in graduate school at Brigham Young University, I had the
opportunity to teach an undergraduate class on preparation for marriage. A few
snores from the back row early on convinced me that I needed to dramatically
overhaul my teaching. I needed help teaching ideas and principles on love, relationships,
and marriage that my students would understand and remember. My own meager abilities
we aren't getting the job done. So I became a storyteller.
Well, actually, I've always been a storyteller. I grew up listening to stories
at my mother's knee, and I love to hear, tell, and exchange stories.
Especially stories that teach. Stories that touch lives.
Elder Bruce C. Hafen, biographer for Elder Neal A. Maxwell of the Council
of Twelve Apostles, has recently written about stories: "Since ancient
days, we have been taught the gospel by stories. The accounts of the war
in heaven, the Garden of Eden, and Cain and Abel are the first stories showing
what happens when people try to live God's teachings--or don't live them.
. . . The scriptures are primarily a collection of stories, given to us because
God directed prophets to recount their experiences to
His people. In His desire to give us guidance about life, God could have
given us a large rulebook or a series of grand philosophical essays. But
he didn't. He gave us stories--about people like ourselves."[1]
If God in His wisdom granted us stories to learn from and share with each
other, perhaps we should follow His example in sharing stories that teach,
uplift, and illuminate what is truly important and how we might live more
lovingly and abundantly.
So I gave my students an assignment. Each day, one of them had to take the
first five to ten minutes of class to share a story they had found - a love
story. It could be a family story, a scriptural story, a story from a newspaper
or magazine, but it had to be a story about love and relationships and marriage.
A story that was personal. A story that was true. A story that illuminated
love and what it can and should be.
Hang on for your assignment.
"My Soul Shall Live Because of Thee"
The scriptures actually have a few great love stories. I don't mean syrupy
sweet, sappy love stories. I mean genuine, authentic, powerful stories of
commitment and sacrificial love. The story of Abraham and Sarah is such a
story.
In 1990 I spent six months on a study abroad program at the Jerusalem
Center for Near Eastern Studies, associated with Brigham Young University,
in Jerusalem,
Israel. The scriptures were our textbooks; the land was our living history.
Stories from the scriptures came alive in that setting. One day I was reading
of Abraham and Sarah in Abraham 2 and their journey toward Egypt during a
time of famine. The Lord tells Abraham that the Egyptians "will
kill you, but they will save her alive" (Abraham 2:23) because of her
beauty. To avoid this, He counsels Abraham to ask Sarah to pose as his sister
and thus avoid the hostility of the Egyptians. Abraham does so, putting his
trust in the Lord and his life in the hands of his beloved Sarah.
I remember reading Abraham's entreaty to Sarah and then his final words to her: "And my soul shall live because of thee."
Abraham is speaking of
his physical life, but upon reading those words I saw in them also an expression
of
Abraham's profound love for Sarah. "My
soul shall live because of thee" -- my soul feels more alive, my spirit
rises higher, my heart becomes more tender because you are in my life.
And I knew that Abraham's expression captured for me the way a husband
and wife should feel about each other.
Abraham's expression in that story represents an ideal. President Ezra
Taft Benson once counseled that a "good yardstick" for selecting a marital
companion is "in her presence, do you think your noblest thoughts, do
you aspire to your finest deeds, do you wish you were better than you are?"[2].
As I have thought about that, it seems to be good counsel to apply in our
marriage and family relationships. In other words, am I creating an atmosphere
so that in my presence my wife or my husband feels more noble or aspires
to
be better because of the love they feel from me? How do others feel in my
presence? It's a sobering question.
The White Handkerchief
There is a story I love about daily affection in marriage that
comes from the life of one of our beloved Church leaders of the past,
Elder Hugh B.
Brown. Hugh B. Brown served in the First Presidency, as an Apostle, and in
many other important church responsibilities during his lifetime. And yet,
it was perhaps his service to his wife and hers to him that was most impressive
about this man. In his first address after being called to the Council
of Twelve Apostles, Elder Brown said: "I would be ungrateful if
I did not acknowledge that Zina Card Brown, my beloved wife, is more
responsible for
my being here today than I."[3]
Theirs was a unique and compelling love story. Nearly all couples develop
their own signals, their own ways of communicating the love that is theirs.
Hugh B. Brown and Zina Card Brown shared a white handkerchief.
Their daughter, Mary Firmage, recounts:
"Up until Mother's stroke they'd go through a ritual daily. . . . He'd kiss her goodbye and then they would walk to the front porch together. Daddy would go down three steps, and then turn around and ask, 'Did I kiss you good-bye?' Mother would answer, 'Why, no, you didn't.' Daddy would kiss her again.
"As he walked to the car, Mother would run into the dining room where she would blow kisses to him from the window. While Daddy was backing the car out of the drive, Mother would run back to the porch where she'd wave a handkerchief until he drove out of sight. Just before the car turned the corner, Daddy would blink the brake lights three times, his code for 'I love you.'"[4]
I
love this story. It is simple. Yet it teaches so much. It teaches about
the value of daily expressions of appreciation and affection in
marriage. It reminds us of the caring partnership that a healthy marriage can
be.
It also lets us reflect: What are our white handkerchiefs? Do we have
any? In other words, what are the little rituals that let us connect
with each
other in marriage on a regular basis? Do we nurture and sustain them?
In this short vignette alone, we can see the multiple manifestations
of love that Elder and Sister Brown built into the fabric
of their daily lives -
the kissing ritual on the doorstep, the white handkerchief, the
car lights blinking "I love you." Finding and nurturing
such intimate connections is another hallmark of healthy marital
love.
Would You Go to Kalapaupa?
Among the Hawaiian Islands is the small island of Molokai, and
on one side of Molokai is an isolated peninsula where sits Kalapaupa.
Kalapaupa is the
site of a still-existing community that once served as the dumping ground
and later as a haven for individuals afflicted with Hansen's disease
- leprosy.
Leprosy was still a common disease in the 1800s and those who contracted
the disease were often cast out of their communities. In the Hawaiian islands,
Kalapaupa became the remote location where those with leprosy were sent
to suffer and die, usually far from family or friends.
One of the early converts to the LDS Church in the Hawaiian Islands was a
prominent citizen and judge, Jonathan Napela, who with his wife Kitty helped
to establish the foundations of the Church among the Hawaiian people. They
were a vibrant couple with a deep love and affection for each other.
In the early 1870s, at a time when Kalapaupa was still a place of fear and
misery, Kitty Napela contracted leprosy and was sentenced to live out her
life in the Kalapaupa leper colony. Who knows what she must have felt? She
faced the prospect of illness, starvation, pain, violence . . . and isolation.
Separation from the husband of her youth and her family.
Jonathan Napela faced a decision. A brief historical narrative on the Kalapaupa colony summarizes:
“Some people considered it an expression of love——the ultimate sacrifice. Going willingly to Kalawao, into isolation, to help a husband, wife, or child diagnosed with leprosy. Starting in 1866, many relatives and friends voluntarily left their home to accompany their loved ones and provide social, emotional, and physical aid.
“Known as na kokua, or helpers, these people provided loving care that could not have been provided another way. Their presence served to eliminate loneliness and pain. Often, Board of Health and religious workers could not keep up with the workload of providing medical care, let alone complete other chores. Na kokua provided able-bodied labor for many tasks, including carrying water, handling freight, gathering wood, and raising livestock.
“One of the most prominent kokua was Jonathan H. Napela, a Hawaiian who accompanied his sick wife Kitty to Kalawao in 1873. An elder in the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, Napela and other Mormons organized a church at Kalawao. He was a contemporary of Father Damien, and like the famous priest, Joseph Napela eventually contracted Hansen’’s disease and died within isolation.”
How
did Jonathan choose? He chose Kitty. He chose Kalapaupa. He chose his own death
by leprosy. He chose love.
A professor once told me this story and then asked, "Would you go
to Kalapaupa?"
I have since visited that lonely site, where waves beat upon the
shore and a troubled history is framed by legacies of love. I sat
and thought of Jonathan
and Kitty's story. Their story is our story. Our decisions may not
be so momentous. And yet we choose. We choose to curb our tongue
- or
not. We choose
to stay with a sickly spouse - or not. We choose to reserve some time
just to talk - or not.
Jonathan Napela chose sacrificial love. Christ, in His commitment
to us, chose sacrificial love. Marriage requires sacrificial love.
Your Assignment - Love Stories
I have shared three love stories. One from the scriptures,
one from the life of an apostle, one from the life of a loving
Hawaiian LDS couple.
I love
these stories because they teach me about love in marriage and remind
me of what I ought to strive toward. Now it is your turn.
Our next column, our Valentine's Day column, will be your love
stories, if you are willing to share. Think about them. Write them.
Send them.
Who knows?
Maybe we'll write a book together. If nothing else, we will uplift
and enrich each other with reminders of what love in marriage can
and should
be.
Send them to Sean Brotherson at editorial@meridianmagazine.com
Notes
[1] Bruce C. Hafen, A Disciple's Life: The Biography of Neal A. Maxwell (Salt Lake, Deseret Book, 2002) pp. xiii-xiv
[2]Ezra Taft Benson("To the Single Adult Brethren of the Church," Ensign, May 1988, p. 53
[3]An Abundant Life: The Memoirs of Hugh B. Brown, 1988, p. ix
[4]Church News, 26 October 1974, p. 5.
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