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The "Serendipity Line"
By Richard Eyre Editor's note: During the "first half" of this column, Richard outlined and defined “ The Three Deceivers” of Control, Ownership, and Independence, and detailed how our obsessions with them can ruin the quality of our lives. If you missed any of the earlier columns in this series, you can go to the Deceivers Archive (see right sidebar) to catch up. Then, in the the second phase of the column, he replaced the deceivers with "The Three Alternatives" of SERENDIPITY, STEWARDSHIP, and "SYNERGICITY". Over the next few weeks, Richard will present a series of suggestions on how to make the attitudinal shift from the Three Deceivers to the Three Alternatives. Send comments to Richard@meridianmagazine.com Last week, we outlined three daily "exercises" to bring more Serendipity, Stewardship, and Synergicity into everyday life. This week, we will expand on the exercise called "The Serendipity Line."
Think with me for a minute about how most people plan their day, and about how we usually try to carry out that plan. We write in our meetings or appointments and make lists of things to do. It's a helpful process, certainly, because it keeps us from forgetting commitments and helps us remember the needs of the day and to prioritize what we want to get accomplished.
But here's the problem: The day never goes quite like we planned it. Things come up, people aren't available, we get interrupted, things happen that we couldn't have anticipated. All these unpredictables throw our plans off, and often frustrate us. We want control; we think control is what we should be seeking. We want to control everything around us, but if not that, we at least want to control our own day, our own schedule, and what we do or accomplish that day. And when things come up, or new and unexpected needs come up, we sometimes feel that the whole world is conspiring against our plan for the day.
Let me tell you a story: While I was in my first year at the Harvard Business School, I had a much-revered professor named Livingstone. He was a planner and a controller! He told us that we were being trained to be CEOs of major companies and that we had to plan so well that we would always be in control. "Never be surprised!" he would say, "If you are surprised, it is because you failed to do sufficient contingency planning."
"Act, don't react," he would say. "Control events, don't let them control you." I was completely enthralled with Professor Livingstone. I wanted to live life just as he outlined it.
One summer, I found myself in Hawaii, on the big island, hitchhiking. One morning I was trying to get from Hilo, on the west coast, to Kona on the east coast. I got picked up by a genuine Hawaiian couple who spoke pidgin English and drove an ancient, beat-up Ford. They introduced themselves as "Rusty and Honey." He wore a pair of faded swim trunks and she a muumuu.
The car kept stopping, not because it was breaking down, but because Rusty and Honey wanted to show me something. "Come down hill," they would say. "Very big orchids here, tourists never see." Or, "Up here, very nice waterfall." We must have stopped a dozen times. I felt like I was with children who were sharing their toys with me. Finally, as the sun was setting, we pulled into Kona. I think I said something like, "Thanks so much, I thought I would have to get lots of different rides to get all the way across the island. You were the first car to pick me up and you happened to be going all the way to Kona."
"Oh no, no," Rusty said "we were not going to Kona, we were going to the grocery store."
I looked at him incredulously. They had just driven me all the way across the island, and given me a personal tour of its beauty. Rusty answered my confused look very matter-of-factly, as though it was the most obvious thing in the world. "We can go grocery store tomorrow. Cannot take you Kona tomorrow!"
I spent a lot of time thinking about that experience — about Professor Livingstone's approach to life, where we try to plan and control everything, and about Rusty and Honey's attitude that you take what the day gives you and enjoy it. I could see value in each approach, and wanted a way to combine them.
Over the years, I developed such a way, and began to call it "The Serendipity Line."
Here's how it works:
Make your plan as you usually do. List your things to do and your hour-by-hour schedule. But keep that plan and list and schedule on the left hand side of your planning page. And draw a vertical line down the middle, separating your plan/list/schedule on the left from a blank half page on the right that is entitled "Serendipties."
The left side, of course, will all be in the future tense. It is your plan for the day. Go to the meeting, write the memo, pick up the kids, do the shopping, make the calls.
Basically, the left side (which manifests the left hemisphere of your brain, the analytical, logical side) is the way you want the day to go. It is your best effort to "blueprint" the day and to organize what you have to do.
The right half of the page starts out blank, except for the heading of "Serendipities." What you write here, as the day goes by, or at the end of the day looking back, will be in the past tense, because serendipities can't be planned. They will be things like an unexpected call from an old friend or a beautiful sunset that you took a minute to watch and appreciate. Something you noticed, a new person you met, a little spontaneous thing you did, a compliment someone gave you.
Your serendipities will not all be pleasant. They could also include unwelcome surprises that you made the most of. A traffic jam that gave you some extra minutes to listen to music, a meeting that went over but where you noticed an opportunity, someone who was late that gave you time to call your mother.
Remember our definition of Serendipity: "A state of mind, whereby a person, through awareness and sensativity, frequently finds something better than that which he was seeking."
Looking for serendipities, and jotting them down on the right side of the Serendiptiy line, is a way of training oneself to be more aware, and more sensitive, and to watch for the little surprises, the new perspectives, the momentary opportunities, the ideas and the beauties that can make life exciting, that can make life an adventure. Serendipity is an acquired skill, a developed attitude, and having a conscious goal to have (and write down) at least three or four each day, will help you gain the skill and learn the attitude.
As you do, the unexpected, uncontrollable things that happen each day, the ones that used to be viewed as interruptions, irritations, and impediments, will start to look more like adventures, surprises, and tender mercies.
At the end of a week, go back through your daily pages, and evaluate the left and right sides. You will find that the value of the past-tense serendipities on the right rivals the "planned and executed" accomplishments on the left.
Like any exercise, the Serendipity line will produce results only as it is practiced regularly. Remember that Serendipity is an acquired taste, a learned skill, a developed attitude. For the first few days, serendipities may be hard to find, but as you become more aware, as you notice more, and as you watch for the unexpected, unplanned and unplannable things, your ability will increase.
And as you pray for guidance, your serendipities will take on a more inspirational, more guided tone. The best motto for obtaining more spiritual serendipity is the advice the Savior gave: "Watch and Pray."
Start using the serendipity line tomorrow. It will make your life more exciting, but also more calm and more accepting. Most importantly it will pull you away from the false and damning notion of control and lead you to a place where you are more receptive to guidance and to the Lord's will. It will also put you into a mindset that will also get you ready for next week's column on an exercise or habit that will lead you to Stewardship.
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