Selected Feedback — and Guesses — from Meridian Readers
By Richard Eyre

Publisher's note: Perhaps the three most pursued and coveted things in our modern world are control, ownership, and independence. In Richard Eyre's mind, they are the three deceivers — and are ultimately both unobtainable and undesirable. They are, Eyre believes, the "false gods" that separate us from Heavenly Father and rob us of the things of the spirit. This column, exploring the obsessions we have developed with “CO&I”, and later outlining a better and more spiritual alternative for each, will open you to a new world of thinking that may change how you live. Richard welcomes your feedback and inputs. Take a guess at what you think the Three Alternatives are. Write to him at Richard@meridianmagazine.com . If you missed any of the four earlier columns in this series, you can go to the Deceivers Archive (see right sidebar) and catch up.

One of the great blessings of writing online is the instant feedback I get each week. And I've decided I was being a little selfish by keeping it all for myself. (After all, as writers and readers, we are all in this three deceivers thing together!) So for today's column, here is a small fraction of the comments you have sent in. Keep them coming. I have identified people only by their initials because some of the sentiments may be a bit controversial.

I know this is a long list of sample comments, but skim it to the ones that interest you, and all the "good guesses" about the Three Alternatives will prep you for next week's column — which is my introduction to what the Three Alternatives should do for us all.

Sample of Reader Comments

KT

I'm currently thinking that the three alternatives might embrace the Gospel Principles as follows:

JW

Thank you for the cause to pause and reflect.

So the idea is to keep the good in each of the “deceivers” and add more good or raise ourselves from Telestial to Celestial. That means that we have to pass through the Terrestrial.

Ownership was the first to yield to a possible alternative. If ownership is Telestial then willingness to help others with what we own could be Terrestrial but the ultimate would be consecration — which is one of the laws of Zion.

Independence came next; interdependence then would be Terrestrial. Interdependence recognizes the interrelations that occur between man and man and also man and God (we need the ocean but the ocean also needs us; God builds temples but He still needs us to be the proxies); but with all that there is still an implied separateness. A celestial alternative is to strive to become one with. First to become one with one’s help meet for that is the commandment but as they together mature the goal would be that together they can become one with the Gods; same purposes, drives, etc. Becoming one with God as an individual, couple, family, and nation is also one of the Laws of Zion.

Control!. By now a pattern is emerging. Self control, time control, place control, and even environment control all comes down to using those powers, to advance what goal or who’s agenda. Our own is Telestial; to help the team is Terrestial, but to have an eye single to the glory of God and to use all “our” management skills to help Him achieve all His goals is Celestial. We are not about building our own kingdom or the teams but to help God build up His kingdom (of which ours is a part). The alternative, then, is humility. Humility is one the life’s great paradoxes; when we humble ourselves before God, He “will show us our weaknesses.”

We can see, then, that all the alternatives are contained in the Laws of Zion. And there are more than these three three because Celestial Laws are all inclucive of which Zion is a part.

DA

I think the three alternatives could be Faith, Trust and Obedience.

MA

I have seen The Secret several times. It is similar to other self-help and positive thinking books. I have been somewhat surprised and disappointed by the two most common responses I have observed in those who have also read similar books or watched similar movies. The first is fear and paranoia and the second is reverence, perhaps near worship. I have even had to hold some of my feelings in check to make sure I saw through the lens of the Gospel instead of the secular lens of the "theology of prosperity" (as Elder Dallin H Oaks calls it).

Regarding the 3 deceivers, I see as alternatives to your 3 deceivers:

JO

To be honest, I think that finding specific words that reflect the attitudes you're trying to capture is far from easy. This is largely because in our modern language we've managed to build up libraries of ideas and words to describe the CO&I world and a much smaller bit of effort has been expended on describing its contrary state.

Linguistically, Stewardship vs. Ownership is a fantastic juxtaposition.

Control's opposite is a "Thy Will Be Done Attitude." Acceptance comes to mind although Contribute fits here rather well and is also a C (albeit a verb).

Independence is the trickiest. Interdependence could work, but wants for substantial explanation. Charity is really at the crux of this one as the attitude of independence you describe is not one of Freedom to believe in God so much as it is the Freedom from concerning ourselves with our fellow man (i.e. Who is my neighbor)

AT

I just finished reading your articles on the false goals of CO&I — very thought provoking, very true.
I would say that three beneficial alternatives could be Submissiveness, Stewardship and Synergy.

JH

I have just stumbled across your articles and have enjoyed reading them. I enjoy thinking about words and how we use them. I enjoy considering things we take as given and examine what they really mean.
If I had to guess the three alternatives I would say: humility, stewardship and charity. My husband wants to include agency somehow, I want to include gratitude somehow — but mentally include that with humility.

BT

I'll take a stab at the Three Alternatives (I think I've narrowed it down to 5):

Consecration - Stewardship - Spiritual Guidance

I had a "chain" going from Dependent to Independent to Interdependent and had Interdependence as one of the 3/5 . I also had listed Charity (encompasses so much, including Service) and Agency - Discipline - Contentment (which includes Gratitude).

OK, I'll stop. I'm at 15 or so. It's been nice to THINK. Thanks for helping us to do better and be better.
With love and appreciation,

ME

Faith , Hope, Charity

BG

The alternative to control is to let go: agency
The alternative to ownership is sharing: stewardship and consecration
The alternative to independance is interdependance, synergy: welfare

BD

These are all antonyms:

Relying/indendence
giving/control
sharing/ownership

BA

If we got ONLY what we wanted, we would never be sick, or hungry, or persecuted, or misunderstood, or lonely. Yet the Savior and his greatest prophets, such as Moses, Elijah and Joseph Smith, have been all of these things. If we are seeking, through The Secret, to avoid all of those adverse conditions, we may be missing the very things that are most valuable to us in the eternities.

If anyone could visualize great things in the midst of the small, that was Joseph Smith. His vision enabled the Saints to build the Kirtland Temple and the Nauvoo Temple and serve as missionaries in far away Britain and bring tens of thousands into the Church. Yet some of his greatest revelations and blessings came because of the apparent failures and disappointments he suffered. So the question we have to ask ourselves is, Are we following Joseph? Are we following Christ?

RS

It has been interesting indeed to read your article of what the three alternatives are. Reading this article today has made me ponder a lot. I wonder if maybe the three alternatives might be something
individual. My three may be different from your three.

There are more than just three ways that we can replace control, ownership and independence. To each he has his own, and his own way of finding out what they are. The great fun of this all is that I am pushed to do my own research on the matter. I am pushed to see what I believe in and where I stand on certain principles. I have a tendency to get obsessed with things, and really, what does it matter what your three alternatives are. I know mine. Faith, hope and charity.

SC

How about self-control, stewardship, and interdependence?

LH

I have thought for a little while that the three alternatives are, "Faith", "Hope" & "Charity." After reading your poetic clue today, if I'm not right, I'm close. What do you say?

JS

I must confess that your articles have come to my attention at quite an interesting time in my life. I have read the past three installments with interest, curiosity, and most recently, puzzlement for what they
mean to me. (I still need to go into the archives and read the first one.) I do have a guess for the Three Alternatives, although I don't really have any statements to back them up other than that they are the three things that keep coming into my mind. They are Faith, Hope and Charity.

LB

Thank you for the opportunity to respond regarding the alternatives to the three great deceivers. I believe that control must be self-mastery, ownership must transcend to stewardship, and independence is encountered by using our free agent choice to mirror God's will as this is the only way we can be "free" and independent from our own ego. Thank you for allowing input and for seeing the "secret" for what it is — DECEPTION.

KR

I was having a problem with your take on The Secret until I came to this paragraph:

We must be truly careful that we filter what we take in, and of course the best filter is the Gospel. Things like The Secret , when viewed through the lens and within the framework and Spirit of the Gospel, can be very helpful. We can appreciate the power of our thought within the context of wanting the right things and depending foremost on the spirit and power of God and not on our own desires for control, ownership and independence.

Since this was produced with a mind to appeal to a mass audience, I didn't expect our LDS vernacular or the Plan of Happiness to be included. Having read some of the participants writings, I know that they do acknowledge Deity, a creator and give credit to him in their own way. When they say the "universe" I substitute the creator of the universe I feel privileged to have the gospel to "filter" or to provide a matrix for truths I find. I don't expect those who do not have the gospel in their lives to have it all together. I have NEVER been able to relate to anyone (especially my LDS friends who pin photos of their Cadillac on their fridge).

MS

As I run an Addiction Recovery Program here in Dallas and was a psychotherapist for a number of years, I've been talking about the same issues you are addressing. I believe the three alternatives are:

First, Faith in the correct aspects and characteristics of the Lord (Lectures on Faith). I've found in my life that I thought I knew God's love or the length to which He reaches out to us — but I didn't! We are too quick to believe His partial or preferential because what we wanted didn't materialize.

Secondly, complete surrender and submission of our will — the recognition that we cannot change our hearts, only the Lord does. Only He heals our character weaknesses and empowers us through the Atonement.

Finally, loving obediance, that desire to do only those things He wants me to do, and, to do them for the same reason He does. That leads me to lose myself in His service

KH

I want you to know how greatly I've enjoyed your columns on the Three Deceivers, and that they've helped me with some serious reflection on the paradigms we use in our daily lives.

As I've read and studied your columns, I've tried to think of the higher laws of the gospel and the principles taught in the temple. I believe that the alternatives could be the attitudes of Consecration, Gratitude, and Service.

I realize that I have a long way to go in these paradigms of consecration, gratitude, and service, but I also know that when I try to live them, I feel undeniably happier.

I have really enjoyed the introspection that your columns have afforded me, and I am really looking forward to your future columns. I may not have guessed totally right with your choices of the "Three Alternatives" but I know I have benefited greatly by the soul and scripture searching that your columns precipitated in my life.

RS

My own personal experiences have led me to words like interdependence (I don't know how I would have survived without those many wonderful people helping me through), obedience (I have learned so much about faith, about being still and knowing that He is God, and we show our faith by being obedient) and lastly, stewardship (all we have or hope to have is His and we don't truly own.

BS

Following the Meridian series on the deceivers, I truly believe they ARE deceivers and that there must be some higher attitudes to replace them with.

Nevertheless, a conundrum has arisen for me. It seems we must learn some CO&i behaviors to be like God eventually. Are they something we must pass through?

RA

Thank you for the wonderful articles last week about The Secret and today's with the poems. Here are my alternatives:

RM

Bravo and well stated! The Secret is a saccharine and very well executed marketing ploy for those with itching ears. After reading some discussion boards on people’s views of The Secret I was able to procure a general sense of the paradigm much like you described it. It’s like Norman Peale gone Atheist. The one central thing missing was a sense of humility in the whole scheme. There was no real responsibility, no repentance, no real purpose or guiding light or accountability. And because that was missing there was no true love in it.

AT

I know you are lengthening out the Three Deceivers articles making us wonder what the Three Alternatives are, but I am grateful you took the time to mention the deception of half-truths.

When I had served as a bishop I noticed a large number of half-truths that members had become deceived by and spent time talking to members saying that a half-truth is more dangerous than a full lie. We can easily recognize a full lie, because our conscience tells us it is wrong or sometimes it is so ridiculous. But a half-truth begins with the truth and we say “yeh, that’s right” and from there we accept the other half so readily, without question.

However, the second half may not be a lie! The second half is many times — just silent.

AF

It seems that God has said that the alternatives are Faith, Hope, and Charity. Maybe I'm being too simplistic, but I think those three encourage the characteristics you describe as desirable (positiveness, initiative, discipline) and negate the negative aspects of the three deceivers (judgment, jealousy, conceit, presumption, envy, covetousness, and other deceiving and damaging qualities).

RC

I think of two people in my life that have been endlessly searching for truth — worshiping the three deceivers and wasting so much time avoiding the Church.

My mother's "religion" is multi-level marketing groups. She has been involved with various ones for at least 20 years. She has yet to see her dreams of millions of dollars materialize. And in fact, she lives in a rented condo, in a town she hates, and drives a junky old car — but to hear her speak the rhetoric that she has been listening to for years, she truly believes her ship is going to come in next month. It's just crazy!

Another person is my sister's husband. He owns every book or tape on self help, but is the most helpless, prescription drug dependant person I know. He just can't commit to the Church and the gospel and it's right in front of him! He busies himself with constantly searching for truth and support from the wrong sources.

It's frustrating and sad to watch these two people scurry around with no real compass. Satan is a busy, busy, horrible creature! (Sorry to have to state the obvious!)

DL

I believe the three alternatives for me would be hope, faith and charity or love:

SP

I would say the three alternatives would be prayer, faith and listening to the Holy Ghost —or personal revelation. Thanks for all your very thought-provoking articles.

CR

I've enjoyed your column and many of your books.

BB

I read your article about The Secret. Thank you for clarifying why I felt hesitant in buying this DVD. When I watched the Oprah show, I was overwhelmed by the concept. It was motivating to be better. As I thought about it later, I realized they were talking only on a telestial level of learning. It is only a counterfeit copy of the real thing. Thank you for verbalizing my own thoughts and feelings. I feel good about my judgment call on this one.

PM

Here is my guess:

Instead of control, we exercise charity. Charity towards others invites a vulnerability but with time and God's power (the giving of constant, unfailing love( brings a power (worthiness of love) that comes without compulsory means and extends into the eternities.

Instead of ownership, we exercise hope. Hope is somewhat different than a knowledge that we can someday "own" a mansion on high and receive all that the Father hath. It is the confidence in ourselves and our efforts to follow Christ that actively connects us to Christ. It is the personal strivings — and connection — that makes all He promises real to "oneself" It is essential. (I've been through a season where I retained my faith, but lost my hope, and so I know how necessary hope is.)

Instead of independence, we exercise faith. We know very well that we are nothing without His power. His power is real and can help us achieve miracles for righteous purposes. We can accomplish all that is through faith.

SL

I have been reading your thoughts. I am in the middle of searching for my own answers to these thoughts, so your articles are timely (and most likely, an answer to ongoing prayers for about a year now). I don't see anything wrong with Control, Ownership, and Independence. Maybe I should? I believe it is how we look at these three "deceivers" as to whether or not we allow them to deceive. The words in and of themselves are neutral. We determine whether they become positive or negative in our lives.

JB

Humility, dependence and endurance

KR

Surrender
Stewardship
Dependence on the spirit and cooperation — Becoming one

President Kimball said that the principles of a Zion Society are:

SO

I really appreciated your articles. The partnership we have with God to become better is expressed in a little saying that I like: “You alone can do it, but you can’t do it alone.” Ether 12:27 gives us the paradigm to improve ourselves stating that God gives us weakness so that we turn to Him, and He will make our weak things become strong. Thank you for your insight. Philosophies like The Secret would never be so popular if they didn’t have many truths. I heard in a talk recently that the Devil does his most effective lying by telling the truth. It is what “isn’t said” that deceives us.

SS

My guess is that the alternatives are: discipline/disciple of Christ; stewardship; dependence upon God

DS

I love to listen to your words. I am a member of valuesparenting and have read all or most of your books. I love to hear your practical applications to true principles. As I have read your words, I have received good ideas to apply to my own life and stewardship. When I have acted on these ideas, my life and those around me have been blessed. Thank you very much for influencing my life for good.

MB

I just read your article, "The Dangerous Secret." I couldn't agree with you more. I have been concerned over the "hype" centered around The Secret. Many good people want to jump on the bandwagon of positive thinking, rather than sitting back and observe where it will lead them. The problem with The Secret is that the focus is on self, and not selflessness. Success is found by turning your life over to God. By humbly submitting your will to His will you can bring about a righteous reality.

I believe that the Law of Obedience is a higher law, as opposed to the Law of Attraction. I believe three alternatives are faith, hope and charity. The acquisition of these divine traits provides the basis for all that is good. Love is the strongest motivator. Everything the Savior did was based on His love for the Father and His love for us. Meaningful service to others, without thought of reward, is by far the "real secret" that will give us a lifetime of peace and joy! It's about the giving, not the getting.

EB

Being "tutored" by you, daily, as a BYU-TV subscriber & addict for many years, your mentoring me and favorite friends in parenting skills & a value based family blessed best in togetherness is appreciated!
His ways which are the antithesis of the three "red flags" going up with The Secret's emphasis on these which you & I and those who fully understand His Gospel are the "other gods before Him;" i.e.,
control, ownership, and independence AKA, as you'd named in the acronym: "CO & I" so effectively!

ZB

Excellent series. It occurs to me, that in the gospel view, the alternatives to Control, Ownership and Independence would be Preparation, Stewardship and Submission (with submission being first and foremost). I look forward to your continuing series on the subject.

BW

There seems to be an ever common thread running through most of the "Personal Growth Industry" (as its professors like to call it). There is a focus on revealing our great gifts and the things that we can accomplish with them. Unfortunately, there is generally only a passing mention of gratitude to the source of our gifts. I simply cannot recall any real discussion of seeking guidance from God on how he wishes us to use our gifts. This is true not only of Tony Robbins, but seems to be universally true throughout the industry.

In many of the seminars, recordings, and books I have found great truths that are consistent with sound doctrine. Whenever and wherever the focus has been on learning how to reveal and use our gifts for good, I have felt both peaceful and energized. Conversely, whenever the focus has been on feeling good just for the sake of feeling good, I have felt the powerful presence of evil. As one "progresses" through the books, recordings, and seminars, it seems that we move from gratitude and service towards the inevitable feeling good for its' own sake.

For control let us substitute discipleship or discipline. Discipline so far as it is the study of and following Jesus Christ. For ownership let us substitute humility. For indeed we are mortal and require a wise Heavenly Father's loving guidance to wend our way through mortality towards Eternal Life successfully. For independence let us substitute gratitude. Let us be grateful for all that we have received. The Atonement as the cornerstone of The Plan of Salvation would top my list.

KN

My choice of the 3 alternatives would be: service — love — contentment.

DY

I love your series on this. I can hardly wait for your completed thoughts.

Okay, these are all so inter-related, I'm sure you will have a great way of presenting these alternatives.

BN

I believe that you are on to something deeply profound and profoundly valuable. False gods destroy any faith. The Lord's people of all ages have faced the challenge. The ones you are unveiling are more subtle than Baal and inherently more dangerous.

KC

I believe you have some worthy thoughts about our addictions to the three deceivers. I will tell you that I resist reading your articles, not because I think your thoughts are wrong, but because I know they are good! To me that tells me that when we are so addicted to these thoughts and actions, we want nothing to do with anything that may interfere with our addictions!

EV

Good work, Richard, and a good way to evaluate whether your readers are developing along the paths you want. My choices for alternatives are:

One also begins to see how there is overlap in the qualities of Godliness.

MC

To me, only two alternatives will replace the three you are discussing. They are understanding agency and stewardship. If we understand that God gave us agency to act, within limits, how we will, but He is in control and governs the results, we can learn to understand the limitations on how much control we truly
have. Understanding that God owns and governs everything (except our own will), and we merely function as His temporary stewards over everything in life, leads us to acknowledge our own dependence on Him. Perhaps gratitude for agency and our stewardship could be the third alternative, as an outgrowth of.

SP

I was gratified to read your article on self-help.

I have for many years viewed this as one of Satan's great half-truths.

The principles contained within many self-help books, videos and seminars begin with correct principles of "the law of the harvest" and "positive thinking" — which are true and motivating.

But then the other half is revealed — believing that you can accomplish anything you set your mind to. At worst they drive innocent people by promises of great wealth and that wealth is the measure of success.

AF

I just read both of your articles at Meridian Magazine. I am also a member of valuesparenting.com.

I must say that I could not agree more about the three deceivers. I see it in myself, although just like anything it did not happen overnight. The obsession with the three deceivers crept up slowly but I just hope that I can be a good example to my children because I see the three deceivers coming into their lives at such a young age, especially ownership. I know I have contributed to some of this and hope to change it and am (im)patiently waiting for your next article.

CH

Thank you for your thought-provoking articles on The Three Deceivers of Control, Ownership and Independence. I have been thinking a lot about the issue of control for several years, wondering
how we are to submit our will to His and "take control of our lives." How do we establish worthy goals for stretching and growing, developing our talents and becoming financially self-sufficient — within the Lord's plan for us? I am eager to continue to read your advice on this topic I have also been pondering.

PS

I am looking forward to the three alternatives that you are promising to Control, Ownership and Independence. I have been exploring these issues for many years and finally have given up on the last one but do not have a clear idea of the alternatives yet. I feel I am willing and open to learn to let God be in control and to turn to him for all things. I've finally also realized that it is too painful for me to try and be
independent of everyone and everything. I miss the closeness, the love I feel when I let myself need others. I hope to be able to contribute to your discussion meaningfully over the next several weeks/months.

(im)patiently waiting for your next article

To take a guess on what The Three Alternatives are, or to express your ideas or feedback, write to Richard@meridianmagazine.com As you make your own search for the Three Alternative, or as you send them in to me, remember that they must preserve all of the good aspects of CO&I (initiative, discipline, responsibility and so on) but eliminate all of the negative aspects (judgment, jealousy, conceit, presumption, envy, covetousness, and other deceiving and damaging qualities). The Three Alternatives must draw us closer to God rather than distancing us from Him.