We have a rough topic today. There aren't any easy answers to this question, so I'll just let Joney tell you the story in her own words:

My daughter is the mother of four wonderful children. The two oldest boys are autistic; Jacob is quasi-mainstreamed during the day in a 2nd grade class. Andrew is profoundly autistic, with limited verbal skills, just got out of diapers at 5 1/2, and has major meltdowns that include biting and physical outbursts.

We consider this just a situation we need to deal with. However, I have been so disappointed in the reaction/support/indifference of others in the ward(s). Primary has been a nightmare. Andrew cannot play well with others, so after Grandma left as nursery leader, that was no longer an option. He cannot sit still for Primary/Sunday School, so the last two hours are spent walking the halls, dealing with a tantrum and often a combination of both.

Mom/Dad try to take turns, but basically, they don't get to Sunday School or Relief Society.  The leadership seems completely indifferent to the situation. Basically, they ignore it, hoping things will take care of themselves.

Mostly I know the statistics re autism are staggering. Depending on what literature you pursue, anywhere from one in 166 to one in 250 children are diagnosed DAILY. The impact on families — not just immediate, but far extended — is staggering.

The daily energy required to deal with the issues must be experienced to be believed. Not one waking moment can you go do something else; you are constantly on guard. At night, if you have a wanderer, you're never in a deep sleep. The impact on Primary/Sunday School and eventually Church resources is huge because many, many of these kids will never be self-sufficient.

The life of a family with autistic child(ren) is never spontaneous. Everything must be planned with a contingency in mind. Forget running over to Wal-Mart to pick up whatever. How is the child's mood? How has the day progressed? Do I dare risk a meltdown in public? What do you say to the well-meaning moron who insists, “That kid just needs a good beating?”

Forget the typical family outings. What about the kids who don't have these special issues? How are they coping with the perception that everything revolves around their sibling(s). And what about me??

My goal here is not to whine, but to shed some light. Perhaps an article in your column would be educational, informative and open our sisters' eyes to the 800-pound elephant in the living room.  So many, many wards/stakes have to be in the midst of this challenge, but perhaps they don't know.

Joney Haff
Orlando, Florida

There you have it, readers. There's not just one question here — there's a whole grundle of them. What responsibility do wards have for providing classes for autistic children so parents can attend their own meetings? What responsibility do we as ward members have for lending a hand outside of church to parents who are overwhelmed by one (or more) autistic children who need constant care — even though our own plates are already full with our own daily challenges? And how do you parents of autistic children survive from day to day?

If you have answers to any of these questions, there are people who desperately need to hear from you. Send your thoughts to meridianmagazine@aol.com. Put something in the subject line that will let me know your letter isn't spam. And when you write, be sure to include your full name, city and state or province. (If you'd rather be semi-anonymous, sign your name as “A Reader from Michigan,” or “Sandy from Timbuktu.” The important thing is that we hear from you.)

Until next week — Kathy

"I know of only one duty, and that is to love."

George Bernard Shaw