Here's a letter that's going to open some eyes. I expect it's going to flood my mailbox with responses on both sides of the fence, and I'm looking forward to what you all have to say.

But first, read on for a letter that tells how some advice in our thread about disruptive Primary students is changing the lives of some Primary children. Circle of Sisters rules!

Thank you so much for this thread of comments.  I tried one of the suggested methods, and you would not believe the change in my Primary class.  I started last week and this week the difference in behavior was like night and day.  The Primary president says she would like to incorporate the method in the whole Primary .

The method I used was suggested by David L Hunt, Sandy Utah Granite View Stake. (To read his letter, click here.)

I made one addition to his idea. I wrote a letter to the parents explaining what we would be doing in our class, and they were most supportive of the idea.  They all indicated willingness to help with the reverence question in our classroom. 

Brother Hunt just may have changed the lives of those eight precious seven-year-olds in my class, not the mention how much joy he brought into my life. Thank you.

LA Jensen
Lethbridge, Alberta, Canada

Thanks for a great letter. It's nice to know that sometimes we can do a small thing that affects the lives of others, so I'm grateful that David Hunt wrote it. I'm glad some men aren't intimidated by the title of this column! If I hadn't inherited the column with the name already on it, I would have called it Circle of Saints so nobody would feel left out.

Now that we're all feeling warm and fuzzy, here's our new topic. Be sure to wear an aluminum foil hat for protection if you are easily scorched:

I have a testimony of the visiting teaching program, when it is run correctly.  I know how the program could and should work; I have just never experienced it in my life.

I have had several sets of visiting teachers, some more dedicated than others.  Here is a sampling of things, in the past fifteen years, I have been berated for by my visiting teachers:

• The cleanliness my house, that wasn't obviously up to some unknown standard of clean. 
• My weight, which is certainly not anorexic. 
• My stupidity for putting up with an abusive husband.  I finally kicked the jerk out a few years ago. 
• My choice to be a stay at home mom.

Sometimes my visiting teachers come and talk constantly about themselves and their family, only to say, "Well, thanks — let me know if I can do anything for you, bye." 

Now why would I call them to help me out when they obviously have so many problems of their own? 

I understand that I may sound like a whiney, wimpy, overly sensitive sad case, but the truth is that I have a very strong testimony of the gospel of Jesus Christ and am a very active member (physically and emotionally).  I have held many callings, even that of ward Relief Society president.  I know these women are just trying to do what they've been asked, but it is not a blessing in my life.  If I wanted criticism, I have any number of people I could call. 

I recently got a brand new visiting teacher who brought the most negative spirit into my home. That spirit took hours to dissipate.  I can't have that happen again. 

I called the companion a few weeks after the “incident,” when my anger had subsided. The companion knew what had taken place and had just felt sick about it for the two weeks but she didn't know what to do. 

My question — is it the visiting teachers' job to “parent” the sisters they teach?   Or is visiting teaching a chance to bring an approved message and good spirit?  I wonder if other sisters are experiencing the negative aspects of visiting teaching and just don't know what to do about it?

I like this anonymous forum.  I would never bring any of this up in Relief Society or even visiting teaching interviews (my Relief Society president has been a past visiting teacher of mine).   I am not a gossip or an over-reactor.  This gives me an opportunity to see if others have any similar circumstances and how they handle them.

Sincerely,

An Otherwise Sensible Sister

Wow, Otherwise! This is not just a can of worms — it's a cartload!

Visiting teachers are human, and we human beings are all different. I would imagine that although most of us have had some excellent visiting teachers (or at least more good ones than bad), a lot of us have had experiences that have caused us to shake our heads in wonder.

Okay, readers, the forum is yours. I don't want this just to be a gripe session, though — I also want to hear how visiting teachers have changed the lives of people for good. What have we learned about how to be sensitive in our visiting teaching, or how to be a friend in our visiting teaching?  If you do have to share a horror story to make a point, perhaps you can suggest how the visiting teachers might have handled it better (even if that visiting teacher was you). There's no sense complaining if we don't have constructive help to guide people who may not be measuring up.

If you'd like to write in, send your thoughts to meridianmagazine@aol.com . Put something in the subject line that will let me know your letter isn't spam. And when you write, be sure to include your full name, city and state or province. (If you'd rather be semi-anonymous, sign your name as “A Reader from Michigan,” or “Sandy from Timbuktu.” The important thing is that we hear from you.)

Until next week — Kathy

Friendship, like the immortality of the soul, is too good to be believed. When friendships are real, they are not glass threads or frost work but the solidest things we know.

Ralph Waldo Emerson