Tips to Keep Your Testimony from Toppling
By Joni Hilton

“The reason people fall out of the church is the same reason they fall out of bed: They’re not in properly!” See what other readers have to say about anti-Mormon literature, and how you can keep a testimony from toppling.

I started this week’s column with a quote from the late Alex Burton, in whose ward I served as Relief Society president. I’ll never forget his charming New Zealand accent, as he announced the above in a testimony meeting. And I’ve found it true again and again.

Many of you wrote with some other excellent wisdom on this topic:

Yes, I'm a man so I guess I'm not in your "circle of sisters", but your subject interested me.

For years I couldn't fathom how someone could leave the Church, but I've come to the conclusion that they leave in much the same way that they come into it.

In order to have the Spirit give someone a testimony, they must first plant a seed of faith. They then nurture that seed with thoughts and actions that will help that faith mature.

The same is true of those who leave. They first plant a seed of doubt. They continue to nurture this seed, the Spirit of the Lord departs, they "rationalize" behavior that they would have never considered previously and before they know it they are out of the Church. Interestingly, even though they sometimes leave, they can't seem to leave it alone. I have also found that many if not most who leave the Church also lose their belief in Christ and God or any Supreme Being.

Almost always follows the argument that "those who believe" simply don't know how to "think rationally". Nothing could be further from the truth. When one has the Spirit of the Lord and can view things as they really are, that's when rationality is at its best!

A member of the Fifth Quorum of the Seventy, Elder Harvey Gardner, once told me that he considered anti-Mormon literature as "pornography" because it damages your spirit. I agree. Why would anyone plant weed seeds in a beautiful garden? That certainly is the effect of anti-Mormon literature on a testimony of Our Savior and the restoration of the gospel in these latter days.

When one has left the Church it can be very difficult to bring them back. Without the Holy Spirit to guide them, they truly can't think with rationality and many times they are simply left to kick against the pricks. Oliver Cowdrey is a good example. It took him years to come to his senses and return to the fold even though he once had held all of the priesthood keys jointly with the Prophet Joseph.

The sure and certain way for one to come back is to plant wholesome seeds of faith and remove the seeds of doubt that have been nurtured and grown. Faith, hope and God's enduring love is the only solution that I have seen that is successful.

My two cents for what it is worth.

Darwin N. Davis
Phoenix, Arizona

Your thoughts are worth much more than two cents, and are so true: Satan wins by increments. What seeds are we nurturing? And, by the way, we love hearing from our “circle of brothers,” too.

This reader agrees that anti-Mormon literature is “spiritual pornography”:

First of all, anti-Mormon literature, Internet sites, conversations, ideas, etc. are like spiritual pornography. Once they are in the mind, they are very difficult to get rid of.  As you try to reach out to your husband, I would advise you to avoid any material, even if you think it might help you understand him better. You don't want those seeds of doubt planted in your own mind, because no one is immune to them.

Secondly, be aware that not all anti-Mormon "stuff" out there comes from non- or ex-Mormons. My friend has found material that is written in a spirit of so-called "enlightenment" on Church history or other topics by church members -- but at the core, it is anti-Mormon and anything but enlightening or faith-promoting. There are some wolves in sheep's clothing out there, right in our midst. And you can detect them -- because they stray from foundational principles.

Which brings me to my third point: most anti-Mormon material strikes at the foundation of our faith -- particularly focusing on Joseph Smith and the Book of Mormon. So, with that in mind, first do all you can to keep your testimony bright and burning, especially regarding these two points: Joseph Smith was a prophet and the Book of Mormon is true. If you can find ways to read and re-read the Book of Mormon with your husband, to read Joseph Smith's words and testimony, and to pray about these things, that might help. If it's possible to do a church-history kind of trip to somewhere like Palmyra, Nauvoo or Independence, that couldn't hurt (these are places where my own testimony was strengthened immensely, hence this recommendation).

I think of the formula in Alma 32. Perhaps you can work through that formula with your husband. Does he WANT to believe? If so, that's where he can begin now. He can work with the seed of desire first, and care for that seed through prayerful study and consistent actions that can help the seed grow (continuing to go to church, fulfill callings, etc., even if, right now, he isn't 100% sure it's true). "If any man will do his will, he shall know of the doctrine..." (John 7:17). The more I study, the more I serve, the more I immerse myself in the Church and gospel, the more true it all becomes!

Seek the Lord's guidance and try to have as many shared experiences with the Spirit as possible. Try to encourage him to do that alone as well. The only way to overcome the effects of "spiritual pornography" is to fill one's mind, heart and soul with things of the Spirit...and, then, to walk by faith.

"If you desire a further witness, cast your mind upon the night that you cried unto me in your heart, that you might know concerning the truth of these things. Did I not speak peace to your mind concerning the matter? What greater witness can you have than from God?" (Doctrine and Covenants 6:22-23)

If your husband has had moments like that, try to help him remember them, to recall the witnesses that he has received. And seek for ways to encourage him (and help him, if you can) have more such moments -- "experiences with the Spirit." The Holy Ghost really is the key to this challenge. He is the testifier of truth. No man, not even the best church scholars, can overcome the effects of these doubts completely. (After all, for every wonderful church scholar, there is a crafty intellectual out there who will claim to debunk any scholar's claim!) We all need to remember to turn to the Source of truth, even God, who speaks through the Spirit. That is the pattern He has designed for us. May He bless you and your sweetheart!

With love,
A sister in Utah

The last frontier isn’t outer space or the oceans-- it’s our own brains, isn’t it? If we could only control our thoughts better, many of us could rid ourselves of vast storehouses of detrimental “input.” The scriptures you shared are excellent sources of light.

A bishop writes:

I am a bishop now who years ago had an experience with anti-Mormonism among members who led my wife down the wrong path. It eventually led to my wife's excommunication and the excommunication of the people who led her astray. I have found there is no way to combat the evil behind anti-Mormonism.

Anti-Mormonism is a spiritual problem not an intellectual one. In my case I just continued to live the gospel and served diligently in the church and studied, prayed, fasted doing all the things a member should do to build spirituality. Eventually my wife came around. People who go astray are led by an evil Spirit and like the Lord said "this kind goeth out only by prayer and fasting." You cannot prove the gospel is true to anyone who is not spiritually in tune. A person might as well save their breath. In my case I continued to love my wife and now she is a very spiritual person and she now can see the evil behind what she did. I am so glad that I stayed with her. When we returned to the temple after she was reinstated, it was more spiritual than our first time and many miracles happened on that day of which I cannot mention.

I know there are many who anguish, hoping for a similar turnaround in their mate, and I’m glad you wrote to let us know that we must never give up, as we pray and fast for those we love.

This sister writes as one who fell victim, but whose husband helped bring her back:

I remember feeling some of those feelings that TS's husband is now feeling. I had recently moved from Utah to the Pacific Northwest, never had my beliefs questioned and all of a sudden my best friends were not members of the church. I went out on the Internet to find answers to the many questions they had and stumbled upon one anti-Mormon site after another. My faith was tested beyond belief. I was Primary Music Chorister at the time and remember sometimes getting up to lead the music singing the songs thinking to myself, "I don't really believe a word of this".

So, how did I get out of it . . . I think first and foremost was a completely 100% supportive husband. Night after night he would sit at the end of my bed and say, "What did you read today?" He answered my questions and discussed things with me. He never judged me for my questioning. When I found things on the anti sites he would help me go to the actual sources of talks or books and often I found that people had completely taken things completely out of context. He also told me that I needed to decide where I was going. He said, "People very close to you are going to leave the church, you need to decide whether you are going to go with them or stay true to the gospel." (Within that same year we both had siblings leave the church) Second, I continued going to church. Third, I continued praying.

One day we were at a family gathering, and my sister-in-law announced that Joseph Smith was a fraud and that Jesus Christ did not exist. Hearing those things spoken as if they were definitive truth did something to my spirit, my soul felt like it was going to break into pieces and I knew that all these things that I was reading and feeling were not truth. That was the day my spirit began to heal and my testimony returned.

It has been 4 years . . . I was just called as a Stake Primary President, how grateful I am that my husband sat at the end of the bed and helped me work through the test of faith. I hope that TS can be as supportive. The gospel is such a beautiful part of my life.

LW

LW, you’ve shown us that even those who think they’re on sure footing, might succumb to social pressures and arguments they can’t easily refute. How blessed you are with a calm, patient husband, who knew he had a wife worth waiting for. And how important it is, that we each develop an indelible testimony that comes from a witness of the Holy Ghost. The next writer talks about those who have only cultural testimonies:

I enjoy reading your column and gain lots by seeing the world from others’ viewpoints. I’ve long been interested in the influence of anti-LDS literature on some of our members. In the 80s, in the capacity of Elders Quorum President, I worked with several people who were troubled by the film “The Godmakers.” On one memorable day I viewed the entire video with a member and her non-member boyfriend. Having the remote in my hand, I stopped the video whenever I saw fit to explain the logical and scriptural fallacies of what was being presented. I was later told that our having done that strengthened both of the young people a lot.

If there is a common thread that connects most of those who are unduly influenced by anti-LDS radio, TV, preachers and literature it is that they are culturally based members who don’t really know what it means to be scripturally and spiritually converted. They have spent the past 5 to 35 years attending meetings but otherwise living the life of a nonmember. Their lives are characterized by minimal effort in their callings (having the appearance of Godliness, but not understanding the power thereof); seldom if ever reading the scriptures; never really studying the scriptures; seldom if ever praying as a family but perhaps the usual, repetitious “blessings on the food;” lots of television, videos and shopping on Sunday; lots of attention to fads, fashions, worldly magazines, popular music and anything else “of the world” they can get their hands on. Then they and their friends wonder what happened to “these good Mormons” who are so easily swayed by a few unsubstantiated assertions in a poorly researched anti-Mormon booklet.

Most anti-Mormon literature and church sermons aren’t worth the paper they’re printed on. They routinely bring up ideas and theories that were popular 50 or 100 years ago, knowing that most people don’t know that modern scholarship and doctrinal research disproved those very ideas many decades ago. For example, just a month ago I read a short article about the church in a “scholarly” text that invoked the long-ago disproved “Spaulding Theory” as a “proof” that the Book of Mormon was fraudulent.

It’s sad but predictable that the member who fails to shore up his/her testimony against the raging seas of evil around us might get carried away by the fierce waves instead of being solidly grounded upon The Rock, who is our Savior. The old missionary mantra “study, pray and attend church” is still good advice to all of us.

Kirtland Stout
Elk Grove Park Ward
Elk Grove, California Stake

Kirtland, you have pinpointed a huge problem (as I see it) in the church. We would be far stronger, convert more, and do more good, if everyone would diligently try to gain that greater testimony, instead of melding into the “programs” part of the church alone. It’s easy to be a “checklist Mormon,” and this is often what Utah Mormons get accused of, but what’s needed is for every single member to have a close relationship with Christ. And that takes exactly what you recommend: study, prayer, and attending church. Period.

Here’s a letter from a board member of FAIR, who points out that questioning is not necessarily a bad thing, and we all need to be more accepting of those who are in that searching process:

I would like to add something that I think we sometimes forget. When we tell people not to lean to their own understanding what we may be telling them is to not think. We forget an important word in scripture and that word is MIND:

"Wherefore, I give unto them a commandment, saying thus: Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, with all thy might, mind, and strength; and in the name of Jesus Christ thou shalt serve him." D&C 59:5

We have a divine command to use our minds. I would suggest that we not assume that those who are shaken by anti-Mormon arguments are somehow less spiritual. Perhaps they simply need a way to reconcile their intellect with an often misunderstood and underdeveloped theology. LDS are not always accepting of those who stand on the fringes wondering how to break through and we are particularly distrustful of anyone who would try to do it in anyway that does not carry official sanction. Yet this goes against the core of our belief system.

Thus, I am concerned about this advice:

"Try to appeal to his spirit and his heart, and help him focus on listening to the Holy Ghost, rather than to glib “scholars” who have an evil agenda. When we “lean unto our own understanding” we cut off inspiration, and become “logical converts” instead of “spiritual converts.” Thus, when our logic is attacked, we buckle."

Notice that you have left out "mind". We should never assume that the mind and heart are at odds and that the gospel is not reasonable enough to stand on logical thought. Further, there are few credentialed scholars who will engage in truth claims at all. It would be a professional kiss of death. Scholars who are LDS will not do that outside of their own belief system.

LDS believe that truth is encountered through the spirit not through facts and historical tidbits. Thus, LDS are free to experiment in those facts and tidbits. The results are rarely bothersome to us and this gives us enormous latitude in the international dialogue of scholarship. I think that we often become stumbling blocks to one another when we do not allow people to question or exercise their minds in our church classes. It might seem as though there is no alternative.

In addition to prayer and individual study, I strongly suggest that those who are caught up in this situation look to organizations such as FAIR, "http://www.fairlds.org/home.html" where scholarship is used and anti-Mormon accusations are openly addressed, often with more than one option given. Questions and doubts are not always a bad thing. The only bad thing is not knowing where to find answers and not knowing how many others have successfully traveled the same path by using their minds. This brother needs to know that he is no different than many others and that he is welcome in our church, as he is, until he finds resolution.

D&C 9:8 But, behold, I say unto you, that you must study it out in your mind; then you must ask me if it be right, and if it is right I will cause that your bosom shall burn within you; therefore, you shall feel that it is right.

3 Nephi 17:3
Therefore, go ye unto your homes, and ponder upon the things which I have said, and ask of the Father, in my name, that ye may understand, and prepare your minds for the morrow, and I come unto you again.

Juliann Reynolds

Thanks, Juliann. Many readers recommended the FAIR web site. And we do need to make everyone feel welcome at church, especially those struggling, and those seeking answers. Here are some more suggestions:

It sounds like this brother's questions arose out of some sincere questioning, with the unfortunate circumstance of misguided answers through the twisted materials he (and his family) were exposed to.

I wonder if a well-reasoned, faithful, yet scholarly treatment of these issues mightn't be of help. There is an excellent book that was co-authored by BYU professor Stephen Robinson ("Believing Christ"; "Are Mormons Christians?") and an Evangelical theologian (Craig Blomberg, Denver Theological Seminary) called "How Wide the Divide?: A Mormon & an Evangelical in Conversation" which I think might be helpful. It features is a very respectful and honest exchange between the two authors regarding some of the key doctrinal issues that divide Mormons from some of their (so-called) Christian detractors, including the scripture, God & deification, Christ & the Trinity, Salvation, etc. You have to be careful to read both sides of each issue, but I have found it to be very faith-promoting reading.

Thanks for your insights ... and your humor.

Gary Blakely
Western Springs, IL

Thanks, for the direction. I hope it helps TS and her husband.

Now let’s hear from a reader who thinks the scholarly approach is a waste of time:

This topic is very interesting. Being a convert to the church of 15 years. I have found and continue to find the concept of Anti-Mormon material curious. First that people produce it. And second, people actually read it!

If a "normal person" actually came to the conclusion that a church was NOT legitimate, they certainly would not invest any time writing, creating websites, producing videos and holding seminars about it!

Normally people just ignore or disregard things that are not true. People who go to this degree of effort have another hidden (or maybe no so hidden) agenda.

For individuals that start to question their own faith after reading "Anti-Mormon" material, probably have not done enough soul searching in the first place. And are actually a little naive.

If you worked for HP would you be suprised to find "Anti-HP" material written by IBM?

Would you be suprised to find "Anti-Honda" material written by Ford?

Would you be suprised to find "Anti-Black" material written by white racists?

Have you ever watched a TV talk show like a "Hannity and Combs" and noticed how two completely opposite views can be developed over the same issue?

It is a sad commentary that a man can be.."married about 27 years...very active-- ...worked in a
bishopric, as young men's president, done home teaching, been scout master and assistant scout
master, along with other callings." But during the course of all of these callings and years was never sufficiently converted and/or rooted in the gospel.

As a convert, the question was pretty clear. Either the Book of Mormon is true or it's not. Either God will answer my prayers or he will remain silent.

Before I was baptized, I read the Book of Mormon (not just the sections highlighted by the missionaries).
Then I actually prayed about it. When I prayed for an answer, I was fortunate enough that God answered my prayers.

The path to conversion is not an easy one. There is no quick fix to testimony. As a matter of fact it
continues throughout life. If all it took was a quick look at a video or a search on the internet to find out if the church was true, millions would join every day.

If I went to my spouse and told her that we should sell our house, or quit my job because of an article I read on the internet or as a result of some rumor I heard in the driveway, she would give me a look that only someone that really loved me could give.

I would suggest that your husband decide for himself first if he is actually interested and has the desire to "really" know for himself.

If not, all the blessings in the world wont help. Let him alone to work out his own salvation. Stop trying to manipulate his agency. Don't play into this quick fix mentality. Forget the scholars.

Defer, delete and rid you house any further discussions about the "Anti-Mormon" books, websites and material.  Who cares about their tactics? If he were to bring a pornographic magazine or website in the house would you review it with him and discuss it's merits? Of course not!

Continue to live your religion to the fullest. Who knows maybe one day he may be inspired to seriously rekindle.

If or when he is really serious about finding out, he will take the strait and narrow road of the convert.  He already knows the way. He has probably taught it to someone. He will need to practice what he has preached to a young man in your ward or to a family that he home taught. He will read the Book of Mormon then pray to find out if it is true or not. A testimony gained in such a way cannot be shaken by the internet, a seminar or even a well meaning but uninformed brother-in-law.

Be Patient,
Paul

Thanks, Paul. While I feel questions do need answers, I also agree with your comparison of the material to other trash that doesn’t belong in a dedicated home. Seeking after it is definitely heading in the wrong direction. This writer agrees:

I strongly urge any members of the Church having a problem with anti-Mormon literature, information, etc. to do all that you, Joni, have recommended. I am a firm believer in taking medication when it is needed. Taking the "right" medication pre-assumes we have made the right diagnosis. However, we need to avoid getting "sick" whenever we can.

I've seen tons of anti-Mormon literature for years. I saw it on my mission 30 years ago. As the Ward Mission Leader in my Ward, I come across this anti-Mormon "stuff" quite often. Some of it is very "enlightening" on the way people think. Some of it is true, and therein lies a tough swallow. However, none of it should ever cause us to question the truthfulness of the Gospel. There is just too much of the junk to cover here. Yes, some of what the enemies of the Church say is true and is documented by the Church. That sentence alone may send a shock wave down the spine, but why? Why should it? Most of what is written is about the Church, not the Gospel.

One of the most popular examples is polygamy and the manifesto. I'm not going to go into detail here, but just keep this in mind. Many members don't understand their own history and when they hear a portion of it for the first time, recanted by someone not LDS, it causes them to shudder. There is an explanation for everything. I've not found anything that couldn't be addressed, nor have I ever found there to be a "Church leadership plot" to keep us all in ignorance. On the contrary, the Church leadership provides just what we need to stay strong. We just have to be willing to be humble enough to do what we are asked to.

When you get sick you take medication. To preclude getting sick you take precautions. Here are a few suggestions I pass along.

First, I encourage all members to stay away from any and all non-uplifting material regarding the Church. It is simply designed to bring us down. Be aware of the spiritual viruses that can beset us and stay away from "infected areas."

Second, study the Gospel as outlined by the Church. Focus on building and strengthening your testimony during the "easy" times as well as the more difficult...don't put it off. Anti-Mormons would have us believe that "challenging" our beliefs with half-truths will make us stronger. They'll say we members are narrow-minded because we won't read other material. This is so wrong. If you want to know the truth you study the truth. If you want to know Italian you don't study geometry. It is that simple...have the faith to study the truth.

Third, if and when the times comes that you become "infected" with intellectual doubt, there is a more secular place you can go to better understand or question. (This reader then suggested the FAIR website, above).

Look around you and you will see members' testimonies binned in basically three categories: social, intellectual, spiritual. I think many of us are moving up and down this ladder of categories, depending on who we are. We can also be in all three at the same time in varying degrees.

SOCIAL: These attend Church each week to be with their friends. They participate in most/all Church social functions and are willing to help. They bear their testimonies in F/T meetings, but listen to what they say and how they say it. They aren't interested in Church academics or anything intellectual about the Gospel. They are happiest around people. They love having the missionaries over and may go inactive when the missionaries are transferred.

INTELLECTUAL: These come each week and seem to be almost able to quote any scripture word for word. They are knowledgeable about Church history. They know about the ancient cultures, anthropology, etc. You'll find them along a very broad spectrum of intellectualism. Some are the real thing with the credentials to prove it. Others are very pseudo. This is the group most susceptible to anti-Mormon "stuff." Intellectualizing the Gospel can be fun, but it doesn't increase spirituality or a testimony(my opinion).

SPIRITUAL: These are those who don't feign. We are drawn to them. We want to be around them. They're prayers touch us. We trust them and want to be like them. They don't bear a testimony in ever F/T meeting. When they do bear testimony they don't use the pervasive cliches we so often hear. They're always "there" when you need them, never complaining. They have a quiet and peaceful disposition about them. They are confident and willing to help. They are slow to anger. There are so many more facets to this group.

TS: Don't fall in the trap of thinking the Gospel can be intellectually or logically explained. Many parts of the Gospel cannot. Try not to confuse the Gospel with the Church. The Church is the keeper of the Gospel and is made up of men and women simply trying to do the best they can with the gifts Heavenly Father has given them and the talents they are trying to develop. Be patient with your husband and make sure YOU take care of YOU, first and foremost. If you're "sick" then it becomes more difficult to help others.

Keep smiling, keep praying, and keep believing. You're struggles are more common than you think. Hang in there!

Your Brother,
Marc Strickland
Niceville, Florida

Marc, I hope we will all fall into the ‘SPIRITUAL’ category, as those are the only ones who will be left standing after the storm hits. Your letter will undoubtedly help.

Thanks to all who wrote-- and please feel free to suggest future topics you’d like to see addressed in this column. It’s your chance to tap into a worldwide LDS network.

May the New Year see your testimony brighten, and your heart quicken in the joy of service.

See you next week, Joni

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