Gaining a Personal Testimony
by Joni Hilton

What advice would you give a young woman considering marriage to a man unsure of his faith? Do you know some ways she can help him gain a testimony? As Christmas approaches and we reflect even more upon the birth of our Savior, I think this question is particularly timely.

Here’s the letter that prompted this week’s topic:

My daughter is considering marrying a young man that says he wants to know the truth. However, he's not sure on his belief that God the Father is real and if Jesus truly was the Christ. He has often stated that he should become Jewish because it is the oldest and possibly the original religion. Any suggestions on how my daughter should approach this subject and steps that would assist her in convincing him of the restored gospel? Thank you for all your wonderful articles.

PW

Dear PW,

Oh dear. What a time to try, after she’s already in love with him. Here is what I know:

1- Many young people are in that searching mode, and approach selection of a religion as if this is a smorgasbord and one is as good as another. But this is not like picking a country club. He needs to understand the proper criteria for choosing a faith-- the whole idea of authority, and restoration. A good source for materials, even ones which compare Judaism, is the Church Distribution Center.

2- A belief in God the Father and His Son, Jesus Christ, is the foundation. Without this, how can you join any Christian faith? He needs to pray fervently. Not everyone feels comfortable doing this, but if he really loves your daughter, perhaps he can summon the courage, and listen attentively for the answer. Meditation also helps with this.

3- He needs to take missionary lessons, attend Church, perhaps drop by a temple visitor’s center if one is near you, and meet with LDS people who can reach his heart. He needs what our youth all need-- to stand in holy places, and be in situations where the Holy Ghost can get through to you. Christmastime is the perfect opportunity to attend spiritual events that can invite the Spirit. Environment matters.

4- Your daughter now needs to summon equal courage, because what she has to tell him is that he possesses all of the traits she’d like in a husband, except the most important one: a testimony of the restored gospel of Jesus Christ. She needs to explain that this is an absolute pre-requisite, and that if he’d like to work with the missionaries, gain a real testimony from the Holy Ghost, and get baptized, she would be happy to hear from him again.

5- She needs to be braced for a break-up. It is quite possible that this young man can’t or won’t explore the LDS faith, and she needs to be able to walk away (wiser) with her own convictions sure. Many in her situation have had to do this. Members who have “hoped for the best,” have later experienced profound heartbreak and regret, especially when raising children. A shared religion is essential, if you want the best chance of passing your faith along to your children.

6- Does He want to be sealed to her for eternity? This is what it’s all about, and no woman should settle for less. There is love, and then there is Eternal Love. Which does he truly possess?

Readers, do you have further advice for PW’s daughter? What has worked for you, or for those you know? Let’s all help this girl, and her boyfriend, to make the right choice. Looking forward to your letters-- Joni

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I have four hilarious children and an even more hilarious husband, Bob, whose comments frequently work their way into my published material (hey, somebody should have the presence to make a profit here).

I’ve served as Ward Relief Society president, first counselor in a Stake Relief Society presidency, seminary teacher, and a zillion other callings that, if added properly, will tell you I’m 46. I have a regional calling at present, working with the media. I am also blessed to be one of the writers for the Mormon Tabernacle Choir’s “Music and the Spoken Word.”

If you’re familiar with my LDS comedy novels (“As the Ward Turns,” etc.) then you’ve probably figured out that I was raised on a steady diet of sugar and humor. But I don’t fault my parents-- it was all I would eat.

I hosted a TV talk show in Los Angeles, and together Bob and I hosted a syndicated TV family show. (Bob’s background is a lot more interesting-- he’s a former game show host, and has worked for the big networks, anchored TV news, and has a new book out about activities to do with your kids, called “Weekend Dad.”)

But back to me. If I have any spare time at all, I make up recipes and win contests with them. It’s true, and nobody is more amazed than I. Here’s what I do: I think up a crazy recipe, mail it in, and then, if it wins, I cook it. All I know is that it seems to be working and we’ve won trips to France, Hawaii, Florida, New York, and now a cruise to the Caribbean. You can’t attend 46 years of ward dinners and not learn something.

Our youngest, Nicole, is our only daughter, and I recently wrote about her medical challenges in the Feb. 1 issue of Woman’s Day. Oh, that’s another thing-- I frequently write for various national women’s magazines. Another recent piece of mine was in Family Circle last summer, about my racing the family mini-van at the local speedway. (I am nothing if not a cool Mormon mama). I have no idea how many books I’ve written, but I’ve sold fourteen.

My medication of choice is the gospel. I would be lost without it, and I love it with every temple-going, Institute-attending fiber of my being. The Lord is my greatest friend, my Savior in this life and the next. I wish every person I meet would join the church, and, frankly, it ticks me off a little bit when they don’t. But, like all women, I try not to take it personally. Onward and upward, Sisters. Be sure to wear thick socks-- the refiner’s fire is definitely hot.

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