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Where
Can I Turn for Peace? Resources and Support for Families After a
Child's Death by Suicide
by
Sean E. Brotherson
Introduction
Not
long ago a dear friend from our days in Oregon called me out of
the blue and wanted to talk. She and my wife are good friends and
so I was surprised that she wished to speak to me, but I soon learned
the reason for her request. Her older sister had recently suffered
a tragedy. While traveling home from a Church event in California,
some of her teenage children had been involved in a car accident
and one of her sons had been killed. It had been some months since
his passing and this faithful Latter-day Saint mother was interested
in finding some specific resources for herself and her family to
cope with the loss of their son. My friend hoped that I might be
able to help.
When I made
a long distance call to California a few days later to talk with
this sister, I expected that we might speak for fifteen or twenty
minutes. Two hours later her story had unfolded and there was much
left to discuss. As I searched for some helpful information that
I might share with her before concluding our conversation, I asked
if she'd had the opportunity to discuss her feelings and experiences
with any other Latter-day Saint women who had also lost a child.
She had not. I sensed an ache in her heart to share with someone
who would understand. To share with a mother who would know her
heart. I promised to connect her with several other LDS women I
knew who had shared her experience and hoped that in them she might
find support, friendship and understanding in a time of great need.
In our times
of loss we seek understanding. We seek support. We seek peace that
seems elusive. Emma Lou Thayne penned the soulful words to the beautiful
hymn "Where Can I Turn for Peace?" and asked poignantly:
Where can
I turn for peace?
Where is my
solace when other sources cease to make me whole?
When with
a wounded heart, anger, or malice,
I draw myself
apart, searching my soul?
Nothing wounds
the heart of a mother or father like the death of a child, particularly
if a child dies by his or her own hand. Where, indeed, can peace
be found in the midst of unanswerable pain? What sources might bring
any healing or comfort? This article is intended merely to point
toward some resources and avenues of support that may be helpful
to families who have experienced a child's death by suicide.
I. The Stories
of Others - Biographies, Books, and Articles on Loss
I must confess that I was once an English major. Not only that,
I graduated with a degree in English literature from Brigham Young
University and continue to be captivated by words and stories. And
why? Because I believe with all my heart that to understand another
and to be understood is based largely on the words and stories we
share with each other. One of the most helpful and widely available
resources for coping with child loss is the wealth of books, articles,
and shared experiences of others who have had a similar experience.
I would like
to begin by suggesting that it may be helpful to read biographies,
or personal accounts, shared by others who have faced the death
of a child and know its ravages and realities. I think of persons
like Melvin J. Ballard, Harold B. Lee, and C.S. Lewis. Each has
shared personal accounts of grief and loss that are profound and
moving in different ways. Elder Ballard, who served as a member
of the Quorum of Twelve Apostles, lost a son and spent much time
pondering upon this experience and its difficult lessons. It seemed
to engender in him a special sensitivity to the experience of God
the Father at the time of the Savior's death. Consider this perspective
he shared.
Elder Ballard
reflected:
I ask you,
what father and mother could stand by and listen to the cry of
their children in distress . . . and not render assistance? I
have heard of mothers throwing themselves into raging streams
when they could not swim a stroke to save their drowning children,
[I have heard of fathers] rushing into burning buildings [at the
peril of their own lives] to rescue those whom they loved. . .
.
[God the Father]
had the power to save and He loved His Son, and He could have
saved Him. . . . He saw that Son condemned. He saw Him drag the
cross through the streets of Jerusalem and faint under its load.
He saw the Son finally upon Calvary; He saw His body stretched
out upon the wooden cross; He saw the cruel nails driven through
hands and feet, and the blows that broke the skin, tore the flesh,
and let out the life's blood of His [Only Begotten] Son. . . .
[He] looked
on [all that] with great grief and agony over His Beloved [Child],
until there seems to have come a moment when even our Savior cried
out in despair: "My God, my God, why hast thou forsaken me."
In that hour
I think I can see our dear Father behind the veil looking upon
these dying struggles, . . . His great heart almost breaking for
the love that He had for His Son. Oh, in that moment when He might
have saved His Son, I thank Him and praise Him that He did not
fail us. . . . I rejoice that He did not interfere, and that His
love for us made it possible for Him to endure to look upon the
sufferings of His [Only Begotten] and give him finally to us,
our Savior and our Redeemer. . . .
This is what
it cost, in part, for our Father in heaven to give the gift of
His Son unto men.1
The first time
I read these words by Elder Ballard, I came to understand something
about God the Father that I had not felt or understood in the same
way before. I understood that God's heart beats with the same emotions
as any father or mother--the heart of a parent. I understood things
that I would not have been able to learn but for reading the account
shared by Elder Ballard. Such accounts offer the bereaved an opportunity
to learn from others who have walked a similar road.
So, what books
and resources on grief or loss or a child's suicide might I recommend?
That is a difficult question. Let me explain. The experience of
one parent who has a child die may be quite unlike that of another
parent. Understanding is earned at more of a personal level than
a global level. In other words, the book or story that speaks to
the heart of one person may be confusing or frustrating to another.
I would simply recommend that each person must be active in reading
and seeking out books or articles that will speak to them in their
circumstances.
Having said
that, I will highlight some written resources that I have found
to be valuable to myself and others that are from both Latter-day
Saint and other sources.
* LDS
Edition of the Holy Scriptures. The first series of books I
would begin with and continue to read is the Holy Scriptures, including
all of the standard works of the Church. The stories and messages
speak with comfort, insight, and understanding. For bereaved parents
who seek a voice that identifies with their anguish, there is the
heartbroken cry of King David, a father, at the death of his son
Absalom in 2 Samuel 18:33: "And the king was much moved, and
went up to the chamber over the gate, and wept: and as he went,
thus he said, O my son Absalom, my son, my son Absalom! would God
I had died for thee, O Absalom, my son, my son!" Every mother
and father who has lost a child by suicide knows in the marrow of
their bones what King David voiced in that cry. Read the Holy Scriptures
and let them speak to you.
* Where
Is Our Hope for Peace? A Resource for Latter-day Saints Coping with
Suicide by Jaynann M. Payne and Dr. Richard C. Ferre. This is
a relatively new resource and perhaps the most comprehensive source
available on coping with suicide from a Latter-day Saint perspective.
It is easily accessible on the Internet at www.ldsmentalhealth.org
(the Hidden Treasures Institute), and from there click on "Library"
and then "Suicide and Death" and then "LDS Authors,"
under which it will be listed as a link. This book offers a wealth
of information, insight, and personal stories shared by other Latter-day
Saints who have faced the trauma of suicide. The direct link to
this resource is: http://www.ldsmentalhealth.org/library/sui/suilds/suildsauthor/hopeforpeace/peacebookx.htm
* Suicide:
Some Things We Know, and Some We Do Not by Elder M. Russell
Ballard, Ensign, October 1987. This article by Elder Ballard,
a member of the Quorum of Twelve Apostles, is the most in-depth
and sensitive treatment of the topic of suicide by a Church official.
It has brought insight and comfort to many bereaved parents and
family members who have lost a loved one to suicide. This article
can also be accessed on the Internet at the official Church website,
www.lds.org, simply by clicking on the "Gospel Library"
link and then searching "Church Magazines" for the article.
* Mourning
with Those Who Mourn, edited by Steven C. Walker and Jane D.
Brady, Bookcraft, 1999. This recent book is an edited collection
of essays and experiences by Latter-day Saints who have faced the
death of a loved one. One account, shared by the Omerza family of
Mesa, Arizona, deals specifically with the death of a family member
by suicide. The accounts are poignant and the expressions of honesty
and faith are genuine. I have found this to be a helpful resource.
* The
Broken Heart: Applying the Atonement to Life*s Experiences by
Bruce C. Hafen, Deseret Book Company, 1989. I honestly had not thought
to include this book, but today as I searched my shelves I felt
a spiritual nudge to list it instead of another I had in mind. This
book by Elder Hafen of the First Quorum of Seventy is a classic.
Its deep insights regarding the power of the atonement of Christ
to provide healing for all of life's experiences, not simply
for sin, are moving and transformative. I highly recommend it.
* A
Grief Observed by C. S. Lewis, New York, Seabury Press, 1961.
This book is not about suicide specifically, but rather about the
wrenching process of grief and its impact on our spiritual lives
and relationship with God. It is C. S. Lewis, the bard of Christian
literature, at his best in a unique way. It is bare and honest.
It is forthright about the realities of spiritual pain and unanswered
questions. And, finally, it is powerful and affirming in its witness
of God's manifest love for us in our trials.
* When
the Bough Breaks: Forever After the Death of a Son or Daughter
by J. R. Bernstein, Kansas City, Andrews and McMeel, 1997. This
book speaks from a perspective informed by scholarly research on
parental bereavement and it is very readable and insightful. It
is among the best books available on the experience of a child's
death and its multiple impacts.
* Beyond
Endurance: When a Child Dies by R. J. Knapp, New York, Schocken
Books, 1986. This is another readable and insightful book that deals
extensively with the topic of parental bereavement and has information
specifically on the suicide experience.
These resources
and many others are available to provide an understanding that is
critical for a bereaved parent, which is simply that it is possible
to live through this experience. It is possible to survive. It is
possible to laugh again some day and not feel guilty about it. It
is possible to heal.
Many other specific
resources are available in this area from professional or nonprofit
organizations that focus specifically on the issue of suicide. I
will list some of these groups and individuals may contact them
directly for further information.
II. Caring
Persons - Other Parents, Family and Friends, Priesthood Leaders,
and Professionals
Among the most critical factors that influence a parent's course
of experience when a child dies is the type of support that the
parent receives during the time of bereavement. Social support from
others is a key resource for parents who have lost a child by suicide.
One common difficulty in this arena is that although many persons
care and provide some support, they do not understand clearly how
long such support may truly be needed and cease far too soon. The
tasks of bereavement when a loved one dies normally last three to
five years. When a child dies, this period is much extended and
it is common for the mourning processes to continue strongly for
seven to twelve years. Seven to twelve years. It is likely
that a child's death by suicide makes this process even more drawn-out
and complicated. Some things will simply never fade away. But much
comfort can be drawn through support from other bereaved parents,
family and friends, priesthood leaders, or community professionals.
All bereaved
parents know about "The Club". You join when a child dies.
You are forced to join. It is like becoming a member of a distinct
social club that you actually never wanted to join and always tried
to avoid. You are dragged in kicking and screaming. And once you
are a member, your life will never be the same again, and you will
always have a bond with those who are members with you. I have had
literally dozens of bereaved parents tell me that, apart from their
spiritual relationship with God, the most important and helpful
resource to them in coping with their loss has been talking to and
connecting with other bereaved parents. They know. They understand.
A friend of mine in graduate school lost his first son within days
to an unusual heart condition called hypoplastic left heart syndrome.
He'd never heard of it before, but within weeks he and his wife
had met four other couples who had lost children to the same condition.
They understood each other's hearts and experiences in a comforting
way almost without speaking. Hearts know what words cannot communicate.
One of the most
helpful things to assist a parent who has had a child die by suicide
is to connect them with others who have had a similar experience.
Not all bereaved parents are comfortable or willing to talk with
others about their own experience or feelings, and such personal
boundaries need to be understood and respected. However, in most
cases it is a help and a relief to speak with someone who can identify
with the vast sense of guilt or the mixed-up emotions that characterize
parental grief at a child's death. What can you do? Identify local
support groups that are specific to child loss or loss by suicide.
Ask a friend you know who has lost a child to call someone who has
recently been bereaved if that person is willing. Volunteer to introduce
someone and go with them on a first visit to meet another bereaved
parent. I was amazed at the compassion of a Latter-day Saint mother
I knew in Oregon who had lost a teenage son. She knew the pain and
heartache of such a loss. She would take careful notice of others
in the community who had lost a child and call them within a few
weeks to offer a warm heart and a listening ear. In a painful but
tender way, she was welcoming them into the club.
Family and
Friends
The next and most immediate source of caring support for most
bereaved parents is the family and friends in their lives. Such
persons may include a spouse, family members, relatives, and friends.
Research shows that the support given from such persons is the most
important for parents during bereavement, and carries more weight
in adjusting to a child's loss than any other factor. It seems that
a burden shared is a burden that becomes bearable. I will never
forget when my mother's sisters entered the house after my own brother's
untimely death. It was then that she could weep freely and together
with those who knew her best, and their hearts must have beat as
one beat for the many days that followed. Early on after a child's
suicide, the most helpful thing is for known and loving family members
and friends to provide a constant, comforting presence. A parent's
world has been utterly shaken and they need the presence of those
they can depend on. Also, practical and hands-on support such as
cooking meals, running errands, cleaning, taking care of other children,
and other tasks can be very helpful. Later on, it is more important
to provide emotional support through listening and validation of
a bereaved parent's grief struggles as normal and expected. Perhaps
one thing to remember is the fathers of those children who have
died by suicide--too often they are expected to soldier on without
specific and consistent emotional support from others, or they expect
it of themselves. Reach out to both fathers and mothers in need.
Sensitive
Priesthood Leaders
A third resource among caring persons who can provide critical
assistance and guidance to parents after a child's suicide are sensitive
priesthood leaders. Home teachers, bishops, quorum leaders, stake
presidents, and others can furnish needed insight and inspiration
in such times of great crisis. They can be consulted for guidance
on funeral preparations and Church guidelines for handling specific
issues or concerns upon a child's death. They can be looked to for
inspiration and support as they seek the Lord's will in behalf of
those who grieve. Not all church leaders have experience with such
loss and at times they also may make mistakes or be uncertain as
to how to minister to a family that has suffered a child's death.
Yet so often it is through such leaders' wisdom and inspiration
that families are blessed and comforted. Additionally, priesthood
leaders are the appropriate individuals to provide guidance and
feedback to local church members or church gatherings where the
topic of a child's suicide is being dealt with. In such settings,
they can assist members who seek answers and direct efforts to give
support and comfort to bereaved parents. Church leaders can provide
priesthood blessings, counsel, and needed comfort.
Professional
Community
A final source of support that can sometimes be helpful to bereaved
parents, particularly after a child's death by suicide, is the professional
community. Community professionals who have specific training or
experience in helping individuals to cope with loss by suicide may
include counselors, therapists, social workers, psychologists, or
other mental health professionals. The challenges associated with
mourning a child's death by suicide can be overwhelming to some
bereaved parents. They may themselves sink into depression and face
concerns related to relationship difficulties or substance abuse.
It is important for caring persons who know bereaved parents and
for bereaved parents themselves to identify local professionals
in the community with experience who can be of assistance. For example,
couples who have a child die by suicide may have different patterns
of grieving and find it difficult to understand each other's reactions,
thus becoming more hurt and isolated in the process of coping with
a child's death. A caring professional can provide training and
guidance to such a couple and assist them to communicate and understand
each other in the process of coping. A responsible support group
led by a professional or an experienced facilitator may also be
appropriate or helpful for some bereaved parents.
III. Organizations
that Care
There are literally dozens of organizations that provide information
and resources designed to assist those who have lost a family member
due to suicide. It is the responsibility of bereaved parents themselves
and those who support them to become aware of resources or groups
available in the local community that might be helpful. For example,
in one community I interviewed a woman who had founded and run for
sixteen years a support group called the Grief Resolution and Enhancement
Group, or the G.R.E.G. Group. It was only after interviewing her
that I learned the name of her deceased son--Greg. However, there
are several organizations that are well-organized and professional
that can be of assistance to those who have lost a child due to
suicide. These are listed briefly.
The Compassionate
Friends - The mission of The Compassionate Friends is to assist
families toward the positive resolution of grief following the death
of a child of any age and to provide information to help others
be supportive. The Compassionate Friends is a national nonprofit,
self-help support organization that offers friendship and understanding
to bereaved parents, grandparents and siblings. There is no religious
affiliation and there are no membership dues or fees. It is perhaps
the premier organization in the world dedicated to assisting families
who have experienced a child's death. It has 575 chapters in the
United States alone. Its national conference in the United States
is actually being held July 5-7, 2002 in Salt Lake City, Utah at
the Grand America Hotel. For more information, go to the organization's
website at www.compassionatefriends.org.
American
Foundation for Suicide Prevention. This organization is a leading
group promoting education and support related to suicide prevention
and coping with suicide. They provide a wealth of information and
resources, including a national survivors of suicide support directory
for local support groups. This group can be contacted on-line at
www.afsp.org, or by calling either 212-363-3500 or 1-888-333-AFSP.
American
Association of Suicidology. This group has a great deal of information
related to suicide and its effects and provides a variety of good
resources. It can be contacted on-line at www.suicidology.org or
by phone at 202-237-280.
Hidden Treasures
Institute. This group hosts the site www.ldsmentalhealth.org
and there can be found a wealth of resources for the Latter-day
Saint who is interested in topics ranging from suicide to depression
to substance abuse. A nice and well-organized site for useful information
and resources available for Latter-day Saints.
These and other
different organizations provide a great service for those persons
wishing to understand more about how to help a family that has had
a child die because of suicide. Again, they represent only a small
portion of those addressing this topic but they are good resources.
IV. Spiritual
Foundations
There are many approaches to coping with a child's death and
a variety of resources that can be meaningful to a bereaved parent.
For this article, I have chosen to focus primarily on spiritual
approaches and resources that can be important to a grieving parent.
This is because it is primarily through spiritual means that most
bereaved parents find some measure of solace and direction in their
lives after a child has committed suicide.
It is important
to clarify that the impact of a child's death by suicide has widely
varying impacts on a parent's spiritual life. Frankly, for some
parents the experience of suicide is faith-shattering in the sense
that they struggle to understand why such suffering has come unbidden
to them and where a loving God was at the time of a child's death.
An article I read recently described those bereaved persons who
become locked into difficult and lasting patterns of grief as somewhat
selfish. I can only assume that the person writing the article simply
did not understand at a personal level the extraordinary emotional
and pyschological impact of a child's death by suicide, or any other
means for that matter. It is important to acknowledge the complexity
of each person's experience and to be careful of passing judgments
about the spiritual questions or difficulties that they may raise
repeatedly. Yet by and large I find that both Latter-day Saints
and other bereaved parents seek out and find much comfort in spiritual
sources after a child's death.
At the forefront
of a person's mind after a child's death are the spiritual beliefs
they hold about such issues as the nature of life and death, the
existence of God, and the state of the soul. These beliefs provide
the context for what meaning a child's death will come to hold for
a mother or father. For example, a Latter-day Saint who believes
fully in the reality of life after death will be somewhat comforted
by this spiritual reality and the potential for a future reunion
with one's deceased child. Gospel truths provide spiritual vision
that is sorely needed for a parent suffering from a view clouded
by pain. President Spencer W. Kimball, in his classic talk Tragedy
or Destiny?, related:
Could the Lord
have prevented these tragedies? The answer is, Yes. The Lord is
omnipotent, with all power to control our lives, save us pain, prevent
all accidents, drive all planes and cars, feed us, protect us, save
us from labor, effort, sickness, even from death, if he will. But
he will not. . . .
If we looked
at mortality as the whole of existence, then pain, sorrow, failure,
and short life would be calamity. But if we look upon life as an
eternal thing stretching far into the pre-earth past and on into
the eternal post-death future, then all happenings may be put in
proper perspective.2
A proper perspective
regarding suicide is simply an eternal perspective. It is a perspective
that understands there are, as Elder M. Russell Ballard has suggested,
"some things we know, and some we do not" when it comes
to suicide. Yet what we do know doctrinally can provide us much
comfort. Some key doctrines that are important to understand and
that may be helpful include:
* The plan
of salvation stretches across eternity and includes our premortal
existence, mortal journey, and eternal destiny in its scope.
* Individual
agency to make choices between good and evil is central to our mortal
and eternal experience.
* God's
love for each of His children is personal and all-encompassing and
His judgments will be merciful and completely just.
* Each
person is an immortal soul and we continue to live in a different
state as spirits after we die in this life.
* Each
of God's children can go to Him with questions and receive the promise
of spiritual peace and individual revelation regarding our life
experiences and circumstances.
Coping with
a child's suicide challenges many fundamental spiritual beliefs,
but searching out what we believe as Latter-day Saints and how it
applies to our unique circumstances can bring much comfort over
time.
Beyond our beliefs,
many of us find there is great power to heal in the spiritual practices
that make up the fabric of our spiritual lives. Partaking of the
sacrament each Sunday can comfort us with the reminder that Christ
died for each one of us personally and He knows our hearts and our
sorrows. Receiving a blessing of comfort at the hands of a priesthood
holder can furnish immense spiritual strength to meet our life's
difficulties. Fasting and prayer can allow us to enter into deeper
dimensions of spiritual sensitivity that allow us to feel communication
from beyond the veil. Participation in temple ordinances can provide
us with calming reassurance that our covenants are sure and certain
if we are faithful unto them. Ultimately, a child's suicide drives
a parent to feel utterly alone at times. Spiritual practices can
rejoin us with God as a companion when literally no one else can
comprehend our hearts.
Suicide is unique
in its impacts upon bereaved parents in that it perpetuates a wounding
of the soul that is unlike even other forms of child death. Parents
grieve for the child who has become a victim by his or her own hand,
and yet they are also victimized intensely by the child's wrongful
and painful choice. They have become living victims of the victim
they grieve for. And with this wounding comes anger toward the child,
self-blame for the child's choice, sadness at the child's final
end, and sorrow for the difficult and uncertain path the child now
faces. How can one be comforted in the midst of such sufferings?
Only the Holy Ghost, the Comforter of all who seek rest unto their
souls, can bring hope and hopefulness to such a parent. It is the
mission of the Holy Ghost to fill one's heart "with hope and
perfect love" (Moroni 8:26), and for the bereaved parent this
must be understood as a process. The Comforter can help bereaved
parents to handle emotional challenges that are much more difficult
without the companionship and guidance of the Holy Ghost. Jay Omerza,
whose son took his own life, wrote in Mourning with Those Who
Mourn:
I plead with
the Lord to help me sort out my feelings and emotions . . . I began
to see that my feelings fell into two groups. One group was sadness,
loneliness, grief, and emptiness; the second group was anger, hate,
resentment, guilt, and betrayal. The first group will always be
with me, but time will soften those feelings. The second group was
generated from within me and was closely tied to forgiveness. In
order for the second group of emotions to go away, I had to unconditionally
forgive Max, ask the Lord to ask Max to forgive me, and ask the
Lord to remove these dark feelings from me. I also came to realize
that answers to many of my questions had already been given. Answers
were given to me each time I attempted to give comfort to others.3
The multiple
gifts of the Holy Ghost to bring comfort to our souls is highlighted
here. The Spirit will soften the ache of loneliness, provide capacity
to overcome feelings of guilt or resentment, and furnish personalized
answers that assist us in getting through what Elder Maxwell has
called the "midnight moments" of our pain and suffering.
Thus, seeking the Holy Ghost through sincere prayer, pondering of
the scriptures, attending the temple, serving others, listening
to sacred music, and other means can provide spiritual strength
to cope with a child's loss.
The most comforting
doctrine in the gospel is the atoning sacrifice of Jesus Christ
and all it encompasses. Central to the message of the atonement
is that Christ died to redeem us all from the consequences of our
sins. This applies also to the individual who has taken his or her
own life by suicide. Only God knows the scope and circumstances
of each person's individual trangressions, and only He will determine
the eternal journey that a soul must tread after committing suicide.
We may take comfort in the boundless depths of Christ's love and
the knowledge that He will know how to succor that person who has
taken the fateful step of suicide.
Another important
dimension of the atonement that we may find comfort in is the reality
that it reaches us not only in our sins, but in all of our difficulties
and heartaches and sufferings. Christ declared it was His divine
mission to "heal the brokenhearted" and to "set
at liberty them that are bruised" (Luke 4:18). Surely,
the parents of children who have died by suicide are among those
who have been bruised and had hearts broken in ways too severe to
fully understand. They have entered the tunnel of pain and it seems
unlikely at times to ever end. Yet in the Savior's love and grace
through the atonement there may be rest. Elder Bruce C. Hafen has
written of such times, "If we in that dark tunnel do all we
can, we will see at the tunnel's end the light of him who forgives,
sweetens, and makes recompense for all our troubles. When we do
return, offering our broken heart to him whose broken heart binds
up our own, we will understand life in ways we could not have understood
before leaving."4 Christ knows what it means to
be bruised. Christ fully understands the magnitude of a broken heart.
In Him there is the possibility of peace.
Conclusion
Part III of this article series will discuss ways to minimize
the negative effects and possible contagion among vulnerable persons
that a suicide can trigger.
There are far
more ideas and resources for coping with suicide than I have shared
here. Yet perhaps these concepts can be seen as doorways to specific
sources of comfort and assistance in time of need. I truly believe
that comfort can come though scars may remain. Where can I turn
for peace? To the Prince of Peace.
Endnotes
1. Melvin J. Ballard, Crusader for Righteousness, Salt
Lake City, Bookcraft, 1966, pp. 136-138.
2. Spencer W.
Kimball, Tragedy or Destiny?, Deseret Book, 1977, p. 2.
3. The Omerza
Family, "Max Will Always Be My Brother," in Mourning
with Those Who Mourn, Salt Lake City, Bookcraft, 1999, p. 102.
4. Bruce C.
Hafen, The Broken Heart, Deseret Book Company, 1989, p. 61.
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