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“What Is Wrong With You?”
By Vickey Pahnke-Taylor
Every time a
friend has made a really strange decision, some time when a stranger
says or does something rude or harmful, each time you see someone
pull a crazed stunt — placing themselves or others in danger,
or any time you — yourself — have done something really
dumb and then wondered where your brain momentarily went, have you
exclaimed aloud or to yourself, “What is wrong with you??!”
If ever you
find yourself in a place you should not be; if you start to say
or do something that you might regret; if there is ever a moment
in which you are so angry or bothered or tired that you just do
not care — thus, may think thoughts you would not ordinarily
think or go somewhere you would ordinarily go — you might
look at yourself in the mirror and ask, "What is wrong with
you??!”
By getting into
the habit of checking our small, day-to-day thoughts, reflexes and
attitudes, we may never find ourselves far off the mark. But for
those times when there might be an attitude of throwing caution
to the wind — or feeling overwhelmed with an improper choice
we have recently made — here are a few thoughts to keep ourselves
in check:
- Do not discount the little things,
believing that the small choices don't matter. They do —
and correcting those tiny negative impulses may result in fewer
“What is wrong with me?” moments.
President
Gordon B. Hinckley has counseled us, "The course of our lives
is not determined by great, awesome decisions. Our direction is
set by the little day-to-day choices which chart the track on
which we run.” (October conference Report 1972.)
- Do not miss the forest for the trees. The
adversary would like nothing more than for us to get down on ourselves
wholly because we had a “What is wrong with me?” moment. A moment
does not a lifetime make.
Taking a deep breath, we may clear our vision and move forward
positively once we realize that doing something dumb does not
mean we have to continue to make the same choice. Repenting, changing,
improving would not be part of our life's course (that forest,
so to speak) if we were doing everything perfectly to begin with!
- Resist the urge to ask that question of a
friend, family member or stranger when they have done something
that does make you wonder what is wrong with them.
Erring on the side of kindness until emotions have calmed down
will help you and the offending person. And maybe they will return
the favor next time you are the one who puts his/her foot in the
mouth.
President Ezra Taft Benson reminded us that “Kindness pardons
others' weaknesses and faults.”
- Grab a hymn from the files in your brain
and begin to sing it. Hum it to yourself, quietly whisper it,
or sing it at the top of your lungs. The point is to turn your
thoughts to higher things. This simple step may alter many “What
is wrong with me?!” moments.
- Work to refrain from criticism. Even when
we are by ourselves, if we fall into criticizing thoughts of someone
else, our mood becomes sour and pessimistic, placing us in a more
likely position of erring ourselves!
President Gordon B. Hinckley has taught us to “Restrain your tongues
in criticism of others. It is so easy to find fault. It is so
much nobler to speak constructively.” ( Ensign , Nov.
1981.)
- Sometimes there is something
wrong with someone. And there is precious little that you
can do about it. Time may heal. Prayer can sustain.
Faith strengthens so that we may understand things are in His
hands and not in ours.
- Finally, everybody has times when
they have a thought, an impulse, or a momentary lapse in judgment
that ? if it were shared aloud — might sound ‘out there,'
even to ourselves!
If you are spending a
lot of time wondering ‘What is wrong with me?” perhaps it is time
to get over it. In the attitude of not throwing out the baby with
the bath water, work harder at getting yourself in check. When a
strange thought floats through the brain, dismiss it. When an impulse
kicks in that, if acted upon, would harm or bring sadness to you
or to another, stomp on that impulse before it stomps on you.
Rather than focusing
on “What is wrong with me?”, our thoughts might be best focused
on those “wrong” feelings, thoughts or words that may be controlled
and bridled through willpower, prayer, and the help of the Holy
Ghost. Rather than focusing on ‘What is wrong with you?!” when we
witness a lapse in another's judgment, what would happen if we just
let it go? If we offered nothing more than constructive criticism?
If we remembered King Benjamin's counsel to “not have a mind to
injure one another, but to live peaceably.” (Mosiah 4:13.)
Crazy things happen in
this world. Sometimes they are perpetrated upon us. Sometimes we
may be the perpetrator. There are some major disappointments and
concerns that fly at us. There are wrong principles and hurtful
choices made. But there are a lot of good people who have a moment.
Maybe nothing much is wrong with us that more kindness, charity,
and self-control cannot fix!
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