Editor's note: This is an excerpt from the book What a Friend We Have in Jesus, by Chieko Okasaki. The chapter title is, “ By Their Fruits: Mary, Martha, and Lazarus.”

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When you consider Jesus' comment, “By their fruits ye shall know them” (Matthew 7:20), do you ever ask yourself, “What are the fruits of my life?” I do. I ask what fruits I want to bring forth. What fruits do I want to be known for?

I have pondered these questions many times over my lifetime, and the answers are nearly always the same. First, I want the peace of mind that comes from knowing the Savior. Second, I want to serve; I want to make a positive difference in the lives of other people.

While considering these two fruits that I desire in my own life, I was reminded of the story in the New Testament of the two sisters, Mary and Martha. And then I remembered their brother Lazarus, whom Christ raised from the dead, and I realized that I also want to add a third fruit: I want to become one who loves and responds to the voice of Jesus Christ so that he can call me forth into new life even from the bondage of spiritual death.

There are three stories about this family in the New Testament, so let's begin by reviewing what we know about them. For one thing, Martha was apparently the oldest, even though we usually reverse the order of the names and say “Mary and Martha.” But John, who tells all three of the stories, says that it was Martha's house that Jesus visited.

They lived in Bethany, which is a little less than two miles from Jerusalem. We don't know how they first met Jesus nor why they responded to him so strongly nor why he gave them such a special place in his heart, but John informs us, “Jesus loved Martha, and her sister, and Lazarus,” and when the sisters sent word that Lazarus was dangerously ill, they described their brother by saying, “Lord, behold, he whom thou lovest is sick” (John 11:5, 3).

There is no mention made of husbands for the sisters nor a wife for Lazarus, and no mention of parents either. According to Matthew, the third story about Mary and Martha takes place in the house of Simon the Leper (see Matthew 26:6). Since no leper would have been allowed to entertain guests, Simon must have been healed of his leprosy; and in that case, he had almost certainly been healed by Jesus since no cure was known in biblical times.

Yet since that house is identified as Martha's and since Martha has twice served the meal, the relationship of these individuals is not clear.

Jeni and Richard Holzapfel point out that it was “socially inappropriate” in Jesus' day for a man “to enter a home or be served by a woman who was not his wife or relative. Women did not normally eat with men whenever there was a guest present, nor did the women normally serve the men if a boy or slave were available.”

It appears, then, that Martha, Mary, and Lazarus were three siblings sharing a household, in which their father was ill. In any case, their situation was unusual for the times but a good reminder to us that Jesus loves all kinds of families, not just those that are fortunate enough to have a father, a mother, and children.

We know very little about Lazarus. In all three of these stories, he never says a word. He is completely silent. Perhaps he was younger than the two sisters, but he was not a child because the scriptures say, “a certain man was sick, named Lazarus” (John 11:1; emphasis added).

And like other families, there is a certain amount of squabbling and disharmony going on when we first meet them.

According to Luke, Martha “received him into her house” and Mary “sat at Jesus' feet, and heard his word.” You remember what happened next.

Martha was upset over all the work she had to do; so she came to Jesus and said, “Lord, dost thou not care that my sister hath left me to serve alone? bid her therefore that she help me.” Jesus answered her, “Martha, Martha, thou art careful and troubled about many things: But one thing is needful; and Mary hath chosen that good part, which shall not be taken away from her” (Luke 10:38-42).

One aspect of this story has always been very troubling to me. It's the implication that Martha is wrong to be concerned about the work or, as the King James Version puts it, “cumbered about much serving.” That's always seemed unfair to me. I know how much work it takes to prepare food for a large party, and Jesus, of course, was accompanied by his disciples. That's thirteen hungry men to feed, and you don't do that by snapping your fingers.

And Lazarus! We don't even know where he is during this story. If he's present, he's there in the background; but is he in the kitchen helping Martha or is he in the courtyard listening to Jesus talking to Mary? And if he's not there, then where is he? We don't know.

Why did Luke include it? He doesn't usually spend a whole lot of time writing on hospitality and entertainment, so I think he thought the point of the story was in Jesus' statement to Martha that “one thing is needful: and Mary hath chosen that good part, which shall not be taken away from her” (Luke 10:42).

What is the “one needful thing” — the one thing that is essential, indispensable, that Mary can't do without? I believe it's to choose Jesus —­ to be his disciple, to learn from him. I can accept that. I can see how it could be more important than feeding thirteen hungry men.

There are other things to consider about this story. Jesus doesn't tell Martha that she's wrong. He doesn't tell her to stop picking on Mary. We know that he cares about the physical welfare of people who listen to him, or he wouldn't have fed the five thousand. He doesn't pretend that food isn't important.

He also uses an odd phrase: Mary's “good part ... shall not be taken away from her.” The message would be very different if he said, “Mary's chosen the good part and I'm not going to take it away from her and neither are you.” That would have made it a very adversarial situation.

Instead, he seems to be simply describing the results of Mary's choice. Because she has exercised her agency in making this righteous choice, Martha cannot and Jesus will not take her discipleship away from her.

In other words, if it's humanly possible to tell Mary that she's right without also telling Martha that she's wrong, then Jesus does it. But it's possible that he's also inviting Martha to make the same choice.

Did you notice that he says, “Martha, Martha!” There are some other places in the scriptures where someone is called twice by name. For instance, when God established his covenant with Jacob, he called him, “Jacob, Jacob.” When he woke the boy Samuel from sleep, calling him to his future work as a prophet, he said, “Samuel! Samuel!” And when the Lord spoke to Saul on the road to Damascus, he again called him twice, “Saul, Saul.”

So perhaps instead of chastising Martha, Jesus was really inviting her to also accept the call of discipleship.

The problem is, we don't know because the story ends there. Did Martha put down her basket and cease setting the table and let the fire go out under the lentils while she and Mary both sat at the feet of Jesus? Maybe. But if she did, then what about the thirteen hungry men? There are possibilities, but we just don't know. Whatever took place did so behind a closed curtain.

I know I'm not the only woman who is troubled by the contradictions in this story. Let me share with you two poems on the dichotomy between Mary and Martha. The first is by a friend of mine from Colorado, Launie Severinsen:

I think this is a good way to resolve the dilemma, at least temporarily. Our bodies can be Martha and our hearts can be Mary. We can pursue our duties as mothers and workers as efficiently and effectively as Martha while keeping a place in our hearts for meditating on the Savior and his words of life.

I don't know the author of this second poem, but I can tell that it was also written by a woman. She writes:

I think that this is also a good way to solve the dilemma. We can consecrate the necessary tasks that we do as acts of worship and service, knowing that Jesus will accept our service to others as service done to him.

It helps me to approach this difficult story by asking, What were the fruits for Mary? What were the fruits for Martha? In both cases, the fruits were good. This may be one of those choices that we must sometimes make — not between good and evil, but between two good things.

The second story involves the raising of Lazarus from the dead, and this story convinces me that we are missing some important details that Luke didn't provide. It helps us fill in a few of those blanks. This story, which takes all of John 11, is where we learn that Jesus loved all three of them, “Martha, and her sister, and Lazarus.”

I think it may be important that Martha's name comes first. To me, it says that Jesus didn't view Martha as just too materialistic and non-spiritual to have a testimony of him. It doesn't say that he loved Mary and Lazarus and merely tolerated Martha because she was a good cook. No, it says that he loved all three of them.