He Did Deliver Me from Bondage
by Colleen C. Harrison

PREFACE

In 1981, I discovered I was an addict. Though I had never used alcohol or illegal drugs, I came to realize that I was indeed an addict in every sense of the word when I read Alcoholics Anonymous (also called the “Big Book”) and the Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions of Alcoholics Anonymous.

As I read this literature from Alcoholics Anonymous, I found myself identifying with every nuance, every turn and twist of Bill W.’s story. I could relate to Dr. Bob’s experience and to the experiences of most of the other faltering mortals who contributed their stories to the volume from which the AA fellowship took its name. The shocking revelation was that while I could so closely identify with the stories of these addicts, I was also a “tee-totaling, card-carrying” member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.

I attended church every Sunday, sat on the second row in the chapel with my “quiver–full” of children and equally “faithful” spouse. We each held several callings in our ward. We bought food storage, attended “Know Your Religion” lectures, went to BYU Education Week for our annual vacation, practiced as little birth control as we could,… My list could go on and on to the point of exhaustion. Suffice it to say, being good Latter-day Saints kept us so busy we had no time to admit or contemplate the reality that there was a dark and shameful side to our publicly exemplary life.

Distracted from what? From those portions of practicing our religion that bring personal spiritual experiences. We were too busy, too distracted, to acknowledge or participate in personal revelation, personal insight, honesty, wisdom and honor of the truth.

And so, in July of 1981, I read Alcoholics Anonymous for the first time and realized I was as self-destructive with my “socially acceptable” behaviors as these first AA members were with alcohol. I saw, also, that although my life was filled to the brim with external religious behaviors, I had never experienced the coming of God into my heart and mind—at least, not to the extent necessary for Him to relieve me of the “desire” or disposition to “do evil.”

For the first time, I saw my self-defeating behaviors as “evil.” In fact, these behaviors were not just self-defeating. They were self-destructive. They were robbing me of serenity, and at times it seemed my very sanity was slipping away also. How did I try to save myself, my serenity, my sanity? Like a true addict, I turned deeper into the very behaviors which created the crisis to begin with. I would eat. I would rage and scream. I would spend money or participate in any number of other “socially acceptable” but self-destructive behaviors, knowing full-well I was destroying myself and my family around me. I lived a cycle of addiction just as surely as Bill W., Dr. Bob, and all of the other addicts described in Alcoholics Anonymous.

By 1983, I had achieved two years of abstinence and some recovery. True to my former idea of success, however, I had focused on the outward behaviors and subsequent appearance of being better. I attended lots of meetings. I gave lots of service in Overeaters Anonymous. I remained abstinent—often hanging on with white knuckles to the support and example of others. I lost over 150 lbs. I looked like a new woman, acted like a new woman and tried to feel like a new woman, ignoring the fact that on the “feeling” level, deep inside, things weren’t much different. The whirlwind of being thin and admired was pretty heady stuff. Addiction revisited.

The following three years I learned about relapse by doing it. It wasn’t fun and it wasn’t pretty, but it did serve to convince me that I wanted and needed more. Looking “sober” wasn’t enough. I wanted to feel sober, to be sober “on the inside.”

I gained back 80 lbs. while trying some “controlled eating” programs (diet plans). They obviously weren’t the answer. When I finally “cracked the books” again in 1985 and began to study the AA literature, I opened the scriptures along with them. Eventually, I read and worked through the powerful workbook, The Twelve Steps: A Way Out and became aware of its companion book, The Twelve Steps: A Spiritual Journey which incorporated verses from the Old and New Testament. (Both workbooks are published by RPI Publishing, Inc: San Diego, CA.) As I began to apply the Twelve Steps to my life, everything changed. But this time, the change wasn’t about behaviors or appearances; it was about changing my inner life, my spiritual being.

Over the next four years, I listened to the testimony of the prophet at that time, President Ezra Taft Benson. Over and over again, he stressed the gift of the Book of Mormon, calling it the most perfect book ever written, containing the power to bring us closer to God than any other book. He pled with us to sup from its pages daily. He chastened us with the truth that as a people we were under the condemnation of “vanity and disbelief”—the only solution to which was reading the Book of Mormon and living by its precepts.

I believed our prophet. I heard and took his counsel personally, as a single member of the “us” and the “we” of the church. I began a personal study of the Book of Mormon and was staggered at how perfectly its “precepts” harmonized with the “precepts,” or principles in each of the Twelve Steps. I began marking and color-coding my scriptures, particularly the Book of Mormon, for each of these twelve powerfully true principles.

By 1989, addiction in several terrible forms had eaten away the heart of my family’s potential for safety and salvation. Sexual addiction, drug abuse, alcohol and the lies so many members of my family told to hide these choices took all the light and hope and strength out of our midst. Finally, the ultimate horror of every mother struck. One of my children died in an alcohol related accident.

Over the next two years, “after shocks” continued to ravage what was left of our family unit, as child after child began to exhibit behaviors typical of survivors of the worst forms of abuse. The facade of “just fine” Sunday appearances began to crumble. By 1991, with the witness of the Spirit of Truth in personal revelation and the painful, but honest approbation of my bishop, I fled the horrifying abusiveness of my marriage by filing for divorce. I felt numb. Marriage, home and family was everything to me. I felt abandoned and alone… except for the unwavering witness that Christ lived and loved me and would never leave me.

In the midst of all this personal trauma, I clung to the Book of Mormon and used the Twelve Step model to sort out its precepts. Conversely, I used the Book of Mormon to magnify the concepts in the Steps with the glorious power of the Restoration. A vision began to dawn in my heart: how wonderful it would be if other members of the Church could understand the Twelve Steps as a powerful guide to study of the principles of the Gospel! I began to pray for an opportunity to share this idea.

I became a member of the Church in the early 1960’s and brought so much addictive and compulsive bondage with me, right through the waters of baptism. I could only imagine how much more of a struggle to break the bondage of all kinds of addictions, new converts, today, had to face. And then there were the “active” families, like my own—only one generation removed from unacknowledged addictive tendencies—whose lives were being undermined by addiction in one form or another. Maybe, if a study guide could be provided that combined the Twelve Step model of recovery with the power of the Book of Mormon and the restoration of the Gospel, other men and women, couples, and families could be spared the terrible end my first marriage suffered. I wanted to share my knowledge that the Savior’s living reality and power was enough to sustain us and save us, even from these terrible developments of the last days.

I began to think of the Twelve Step workbooks mentioned earlier. What if a book similar to those could be composed, with suggested readings and thought provoking questions to guide the readers reflections. Using outlines of discussions I had led on each of the “twelve true principles” in the Steps as reflected in the teachings of the Restored Gospel, I was able to finish the original draft of He Did Deliver Me from Bondage in a matter of weeks. For the next year or so, I spent a lot of time at the local copy shop reproducing the manuscript in 10’s, 20’s, and then 50’s. Then, in 1991, a wonderful benefactor offered to pay the cost of actual publication of the book. From that point its readership has continued to grow exponentially with virtually no “marketing.” It has definitely been a pathway of “attraction,” not “promotion.”

I have received a constant flow of letters and phone calls filled with deeply moving endorsement of the book’s positive effect in the lives of LDS members struggling with addiction in their own lives or in the lives of loved ones. I watched in awe as my prayers to the Father were answered. Others were being helped to understand addiction’s subtle and spiritually deadly grip. They were being taught a practical application of true principles that were proving to be addiction’s antidote. Still, I didn’t know the extent Heavenly Father intended to answer my plea.

In the fall of 1995 I received a phone call from what was then known as LDS Social Services. They had been introduced to He Did Deliver Me from Bondage and felt it might be an asset to the newly formed substance abuse recovery group pilot program. Would I be willing to allow it to be used in that setting? I was in tears as I beheld in awe how far the Lord intended to take His answer to my prayers.

Since 1995, LDS Social Services has become LDS Family Services, and the pilot program has become the Substance Abuse Recovery Services (SARS) program and has been approved for use throughout the Church. I have to admit I feel like the inspired Twelve Step recovery model has now found a most appropriate home in the LDS community. It is my constant prayer that whoever receives a copy of this study guide will let it lead him or her to the truth that Heavenly Father and the Savior are very real and very interested in each of us personally. With Their living reality in our minds and hearts—in our lives—we can be led out of the bondage of addiction and blessed to survive the terrible sorrow of these last days. I bear testimony that if we truly desire to repent, there is no sin so great—whether it be committed by ourselves or has been committed against us—that the Savior Jesus Christ, through power from His Father, cannot heal. I testify of this humbly and in the Name of Jesus Christ, Amen.

—      Colleen H.,  January 2002 

Our course of study will concentrate on the gospel principles behind the Twelve Steps. Both the original Gospel version of the Twelve Steps and the original Twelve Steps from Alcoholics Anonymous are listed below.

The Twelve Steps as Reflected in the Gospel of Jesus Christ

1. We admitted we were powerless over compulsive addictive behaviors*—that our lives had become unmanageable. Admitted that we of ourselves are powerless, nothing without God. (Mosiah 4:5; Alma 26:12)

2. Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity. Came to believe that God has all power and all wisdom and that in His strength we can do all things. (Mosiah 4:9; Alma 26:12)

3. Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him. Made the decision to reconcile ourselves to the will of God, offer our whole souls as an offering unto Him, and trust Him in all things forever. (2 Nephi 10:24; Omni 1:26; Mosiah 3:19; 2 Nephi 4:34)

4. Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves. Made a searching and fearless written inventory of our past in order to thoroughly examine ourselves as to our pride and other weaknesses with the intent of re­cognizing our own carnal state and our need for Christ’s Atonement. (Alma 15:17; Mosiah 4:2; Jacob 4:6–7; Ether 12:27)

5. Admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs. Honestly shared this inventory with God and with another person, thus demonstrating the sincerity of our repentance, and our willingness to give away all our sins that we might know Him. (Mosiah 26:29; Alma 22:18)

6. Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character. Became humble enough to yield our hearts and our lives to Christ for His sanctification and purification, relying wholly upon His merits, acknowledging even our own best efforts as unprofitable. (Helaman 3:35; 2 Nephi 31:19; Mosiah 2:20–21)

7. Humbly asked Him to remove our shortcomings. Humbly cried unto the Lord Jesus Christ in our hearts for a remission of sins that through His mercy and His grace we might experience a mighty change of heart, lose all disposition to do evil, and thus be encircled about in the arms of safety because of His great and last sacrifice. (Alma 36:18; Alma 38:8; Moroni 10:32; Mosiah 5:2; Alma 34:15–16)

8. Made a list of all persons we had harmed and became willing to make amends to them all. Made a list of all persons we had harmed and became willing to make restitution to all of them (even those we had harmed in what we might have considered righteous anger), desiring instead to be peacemakers and to do all that we could to come unto God by being first reconciled to others. (3 Nephi 12:9; 3 Nephi 12:24; 3 Nephi 12:44–45)

9. Made direct amends to such people wherever possible except when to do so would injure them or others. Made restitution directly to those we had harmed, confessing our own wrongdoing in each instance except when to do so would further injure them or others. (Mosiah 27:35; 3 Nephi 12:25; Mosiah 26:30)

10. Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it. Realizing that the weakness to be tempted and to sin is a part of the mortal experience, we continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it, being willing to repent as often as needed. (2 Nephi 4:18; 2 Nephi 10:20; Mosiah 26:30)

11. Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understood Him, praying only for knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out. Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God, seeking the words of Christ through the power of the Holy Ghost that they might tell us all things that we should do, praying only for a knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out. (2 Nephi 32:3; Alma 37:37; Helaman 10:4)

12. Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to others still suffering from the effects of compulsive behaviors and to practice these principles in all our affairs. Having experienced a mighty change and having awakened unto God as a result of our sincere repentance demonstrated in taking these steps, we were willing to become instruments in carrying this message to others and to practice these principles in all our affairs. (Alma 5:7; Mosiah 27:36–37; Moroni 7:3)

*Any problem may be inserted here, in place of “compulsive addictive behaviors.”

Permission to use the Twelve Steps of Alcoholics Anonymous for adaptation granted by A.A. World Services, Inc.

Excerpted from the pamphlet, “The Twelve Steps of Heart t’ Heart.” Reprinted with permission from Heart t’ Heart.

The Original Twelve Steps from Alcoholics Anonymous

1.We admitted we were powerless over alcohol—that our lives had become unmanageable.

2. Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.

3. Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him.

4.  Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves
.
5. Admitted to God, to ourselves and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.

6. Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character.

7. Humbly asked Him to remove our short­comings.

8. Made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all.

9. Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.

10. Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it.

11. Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understood Him, praying only for knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out.

12. Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to alcoholics, and to practice these principles in all our affairs.  

The Twelve Steps are reprinted with permission of Alcoholics Anonymous World Services, Inc. Permission to reprint the Twelve Steps does not imply affiliation with this program. A.A. is a program of recovery from alcoholism—use of the Twelve Steps in connection with activities which are patterned after A.A., but which address other problems, does not imply otherwise.

He Did Deliver Me from Bondage can be found at most LDS bookstores or purchased online at www.rosehavenpublishing.com