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The Great I Am Knows Who I Am
By Susan Law Corpany
Many moons ago when I attended college, a cute neighbor used to stop by our apartment now and then for a visit. My roommates and I decided he was interested in one of us, but apparently he was too shy to make a move. Month after month he stopped by, and we speculated among ourselves which one of us this cute guy was interested in. We all flirted with him in turns, giving him every chance to tip his hand. Eventually, we collectively came to the conclusion that Brad must be painfully shy because it was taking him so long to make a move. In fact, as he visited with us, he would often hide his shyness behind a magazine.
It drove us nuts not knowing, and caused a little contention in our apartment. Finally we decided we would come right out and ask him the next time he came over. When we put it to him point blank, he blushed with embarrassment. “Actually, you are all very nice girls, and I've enjoyed getting to know you, but the real reason I come over around the first of the month is because I can't afford a subscription to the Ensign, and you have one.”
We were all crushed, needless to say, but at least after that when Brad paid a visit, we let him read the Ensign in peace without the distraction of our fruitless flirting. When it came time to renew the magazine subscription, I decided to send him an anonymous gift subscription. I think it cost me $6.00, which for me at that time was not a small expenditure. I filled out the needed information and sent it in. I don't know if he made the connection, because the only way I knew he was getting his magazine is that he stopped coming over. He never asked any of us for a date. (For the record, it was my magazine and if anyone had deserved a date, it should have been me.)
Shortly after this small act of service, I received a new church calling. It was one of those callings they make up in a student ward so that everyone has something to do. There isn't much that needs to be said in a setting-apart blessing when one is in charge of Relief Society table decorations. I have always remembered that blessing, though, because I was told that God was aware of a small act of service I had done recently, that He realized it had been a sacrifice and that it was pleasing unto Him. It was a much-needed reminder at that time that God knew me, as an individual, that He was aware of me. If He knew that I had done that small thing, I reasoned, He must know of all my other struggles and challenges. It was a shot in the arm to my testimony.
Thirty years later, I still get little reminders now and then that God is aware of me, in a way personal enough that I cannot discount it or explain it away, as we are sometimes prone to do. A few years ago, my husband and I were facing some major decisions about his health. I mentioned how nice it would be at times like those if we had a Liahona that would point the way. “Have the surgery.” “Don't have the surgery.” Having already lost a husband, it was all weighing very heavily on me. I repeated my request for clear guidance of some sort during my prayers at that time.
One morning I went out to feed the cats. There on the welcome matt was my Liahona, a strange metal globe with an arrow pointing the way. It took me aback so much that it took me a minute to realize that it was the unique doorbell that had been affixed to the side of the house and that it must have come loose in the night. There it was, literally pointing the way. Of course, it did nothing to help us make a decision, but it was a gentle reminder that God was aware of our situation, and of course, confirmed my suspicions that He does indeed have a sense of humor.
In times when I feel discouraged and alone, I pull out those and other memories, and I remind myself that God really knows who I am and how I am.
Brad, if you're out there, it is too late to ask me for a date. I'm happily married, and my husband survived the second surgery. The Great I am knows who I am. Chances are, He knows you, too.
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